How Konoha Got its Groove Back
by Iruka Sensei871
Summary: He leaned toward her and noticed her catch her breath. He knew she was hoping he'd kiss her, but he wanted her to have a day or so to anticipate their next meeting. Sometimes the best kisses were the ones a person waited for. Nar/Hin,Kaka/Saku,Gai/Oc
1. Chapter 1

Love Delayed

AN: This is the longest fic I've ever written. It's complete, and I'll be posting chapters as I finish editing them. Lots of warnings – violence, language, sexual situations, torture, mentions of abuse, and gay Iruka, but no yaoi. I'm really excited about this one, and I think it might be the best thing I've ever written. It's certainly my favorite. Pairings are Naruto/Hinata, Gai/OC, Asuma/Kurenai, and eventually Kakashi/Sakura and Ino/Choji. Also, a special Tsunade/Jiraiya romance toward the end, because that's my favorite pairing.

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Hatake Hurricane awoke from a 20 year nightmare to see a very confused looking Kakashi staring down at her. She was also facing a pink-haired girl with a large forehead.

"Kashi-kun?" She asked drowsily before settling back into her long sleep.

Sakura moved a worried Kakashi out of the way as she checked his sister for injuries.

"She seems to be healthy enough, but I'm worried about what Orochimaru's experiments may have done to her. She performed a few medical jutsus, but shook her head.

"This is way beyond me. I'll have to get Tsunade to come look at her when she's done with the actual injuries."

"Get me to look at what?" Tsunade asked as she entered the wrecked laboratory.

"It's Hurricane," Kakashi said, "but she won't wake up. I don't understand. All the other shinobies are awake and moving around."

Tsunade knelt to examine her, pressed some chakra into the kunoichi's chest and molded it to give the sleeping woman extra strength. She then carefully found the adrenal gland and stimulated it just enough to wake Hurricane. "I think she's been tampered with more than the other ninjas. We'll just have to wait and see what happens."

Hurricane looked around her, frowned at the ninjas, and motioned with her fingers. "Release!" she said loudly. When the ninjas failed to dematerialize, she said wonderingly, "you're not a genjutsu?"

Kakashi grabbed his sister in a tight hug. "That's what I was just wondering about you." Sakura was surprised at her former teacher's affection for his sister. He was usually so cold and stand-offish.

How long have I been here?" Hurricane asked.

"About 20 years," Sakura said, watching to see how she would take the information. Some of the other ninjas had shown signs of mental instability, and a few had to be restrained after they attacked the Konoha ninjas who had saved them, believing it to be a trick of Orochimaru's.

"We think this was Orochimaru's largest lab," Tsunade said. "It was a real fight to take this place. I just wish we could have caught him too, but we only found his flunkies here."

"Kashi, is the baby ok?" she asked. "Did he make it through the battle?"

Kakashi took a moment to gather himself. A shinobi wasn't even supposed to show emotion, much less break down in front of a traumatized comrade. She needed him to be strong right now. He had to think of her as a Konoha ninja who needed his strength as a Jounin. "I'm sorry Hurricane, but he was stillborn."

Her reaction surprised everyone. Instead of showing her grief, her face hardened as her fists clenched at her side. "You're sure of that?" she asked.

"Hai," he said quietly. "I sat with the body."

"That bastard!" she hissed. "I'll kill him for this."

Tsunade was having serious doubts about this patient's mental condition. She would have to talk with Kakashi later about how to help his sister handle her grief without hurting herself, and she couldn't help but wonder who Hurricane wanted to kill.

"Tsunade-sama, we need you outside to..." Shizune stopped when she saw Hurricane.

She stood there with staring until Tsunade said, "well?" impatiently.

"I, um, some of the wounds are giving us trouble. They seem to have been infused with an odd poisoned chakra. I've never seen anything like it." She kept glancing at Hurricane, and her face was deathly pale.

When they left the cave, they were greeted by a battlefield that had been turned into a cross between a hospital and a giant series of family reunions. It seemed as if all of Konoha was there to welcome long missing family. Some of the relationships were obvious. Hyuugas and Aburames could never be mistaken for anyone else. She noticed there were no Uchihas, which was strange. She found herself looking among the others for her son, because she knew he was alive.

It was hopeless, because she had no idea what he would look like, but she couldn't help herself. Kakashi was helping other families, so she was left alone to watch. A deep emptiness filled her, and it wasn't until 15 minutes later that she realized she hadn't seen her husband. She was hardly surprised to find that she was glad he wasn't there. He probably wouldn't have escaped with his life if he had been present, after what he had done. She was called Hurricane for a reason, after all. She took a long time to anger, but when she did the storm she unleashed could wreck entire villages.

The people began to move toward Konoha, and that's when she noticed the boy by himself. While everyone else was with family members, he sat on a log the outside of the clearing. He had obviously been a part of the battle, and his bandaged face looked so sad her heart went out to him. She walked over to him, and she noticed that he was watching a tearful scene between a father and son.

She sat down next to him. "You look unhappy. Were you looking for someone?"

For a brief moment pain was in his eyes, and then he grinned broadly. "No. I was just thinking. It's a great day for Konoha. We've recovered over 100 of our best ninjas that were captured over the years by Orochimaru for his experiments. Konoha will be the strongest hidden village in the world now. Believe it!" He gave a goofy thumbs up sign.

His false bravado didn't fool her, but she knew kids needed their privacy. On closer inspection she could see that he wasn't a kid, but he sported such a lost child look that it was hard to think of him as a grown man.

"What about you?" he asked. "Are you alone?"

"No. My brother is helping villagers who need him." She gestured toward Kakashi, who was helping direct the mass of confused people.

"Kakashi-Sensei's your brother?" He asked.

She laughed. "He's a Sensei? Wow. I never thought I'd see the day." She held out a hand to him. "I'm Hatake Hurricane." She decided to keep her maiden name. She was done with her husband now.

"Uzumaki Naruto," the boy said proudly and shook her hand.

Kakashi was glad his sister had found Naruto. He had been too busy to say anything to his student, but he knew it must be hard for an orphan to see so many happy reunions. He had noticed that Naruto seemed understandably sensitive about his orphan status. Hurricane had lost her son, and Naruto had never had a family, as far as anyone knew. Not that many people cared, really. He hoped they could help each other while he fulfilled his Jounin duties.

The group moved slowly toward Konoha. What should have been a two day trip dragged on as the injured ninjas trudged onward. Even the medic nins were having trouble healing the odd wounds, which seemed to have been combined with a jutsu of some sort. They didn't heal right, and tended towards gangrene. When they stopped the first day, they sat up camp. Simple food was served, but Hurricane sat against a tree to get out of the massive group of people milling around the feeding stations. Large crowds made her claustrophobic, so she would rather just forage in the woods later for mushrooms.

Naruto sat down by her with two large bowls of rice. He handed her a bowl and some chopsticks. "Itsadikimasu!" he yelled happily before he tore into the rice with next to no table manners. Hurricane ate hers more thoughtfully. She noticed that Naruto's wounds were showing signs of infection. When she mentioned it to him, he shrugged it off. "All the wounds are like this. The medic nins will figure it out soon though." He looked over toward the pink-haired girl. "Sakura won't let us down."

"Naruto, some of my friends aren't here, and I was hoping you could tell me if they're still in the village." She didn't want to say "still alive", because there was one "friend" in particular she didn't think she could live without. Even though she'd been coerced into an arranged marriage, she only loved one man. It was one of the great tragedies of her life that her high sense of honor as well as his own way of the ninja prevented them from being married. They both agreed in their naïve youthful idealism that her marriage was the best for the village, and she remained faithful to the husband chosen for her.

As it was, her husband was friends with the man she loved, and they spent the better part of her adult life pretending not to love each other. When he came to visit, she would spend the entire visit trying not to wish he was her husband. But she remained faithful and even had her husband's baby, which was the only real reason he had wanted to marry her. She was a strong ninja from a strong family. He was more interested in her bloodline than in his wife. In fact, once she became pregnant he lost interest completely and absorbed himself so much in his work that she very rarely saw him.

When she complained he'd smile that charming smile of his and say, "being Hokage is so much work, and you're helping the village by helping me." He'd kiss her on the head like a child and leave to do more work. Somehow, he could always gently convince her that she was wrong, even though when he was gone his logic made no sense to her. She wondered if he used a mild genjutsu on her that made her believe him no matter no absurd his arguments.

Naruto said her husband had died fighting Kyuubi, the nine-tailed demon. She felt no grief for him – only a sense of freedom. She couldn't get much else out of the distractible boy, but she did learn that Tsunade was Hokage now; that was a shock. She also found out that the man she loved most of all was alive and away on a mission. She brooded on the possibilities that presented. Was he married? If he wasn't married, could they finally be together? After awhile she became distracted by Naruto's antics as he chased the pink-haired woman around. Pink-hair seemed to view him as a semi-welcome nuisance, and Naruto completely missed the young Hyuuga lady that was watching him from behind a tree. Pink-hair did find an antidote for the poison, just as Naruto predicted. There was no helping the scarring, though. Because of the odd jutsu that had been used the scarring would be worse than normal, and Naruto would always be marked on his cheek where a shuriken had hit him.

When they returned to the village she used her considerable charm and her position as the fourth Hokage's widow to gain access to medical records from the night she had her baby. She was often seen around the hospital, asking questions and seeking out the nurses and medic-nins who had been in the village when the Kyuubi attacked. She wasn't getting very far, though. It turned out that they had almost all been at the front, frantically healing ninjas. Sometimes she would cross paths with Shizune, and Shizune would always turn pale and stammer before making a quick exit.

After a few weeks, she had to slow down her search because it was time to get back to missions. After all, she was a ninja, and her village still needed her. She would find out where her son was in time. She attended the special class for the newly returned ninjas on the history of Konoha from the time of the Kyuubi's attack, and then spent every available moment searching for evidence of her son's identity. She didn't know why her husband had hidden him away, but she would find her baby.

There weren't many of her friends left. Anko had grown sullen, dark, and anti-social. Rin was dead. She found a new friend in Iruka, who she found gentle and appealing. The two of them would sometimes meet with Naruto at Ichiraku's Ramen Shop. They even began to have a sort of weekly ritual – "Ramen Mondays" Naruto called it – that became the best part of her week.

The boy seemed to have an endless appetite. After one ramen eating contest - which he won - he waited until Iruka excused himself to grade papers and said he'd walk her home. He was quiet most of the way, and then he suddenly asked her, "are you and Iruka Sensei dating?"

She turned beet red, of course. She liked Naruto, but he had a way of saying the most embarrassing things at times. He obviously didn't know that Iruka was gay, and she wasn't about to out her friend. And there were other reasons...

"No," she said. "He's just a good friend."

Naruto shuffled his feet a bit in the road dirt. He scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. "It's just – well – Iruka Sensei's a nice person, and you're a nice person..." He trailed off, and she could tell he was having trouble expressing himself, which wasn't unusual. He wasn't stupid, but simple-minded would be a good description.

"What's on your mind Naruto?" she asked with as much patience as she could muster.

"People shouldn't have to be alone." He sounded like he was choking up a bit, but then he caught himself and smiled broadly. "Anyway, thanks for the ramen. Next Monday it's my treat! See ya." It was a trait of his to always force enthusiasm into a sad situation, and she suspected it was how he dealt with being an orphan.

On a whim she caught him as he was turning to leave and hugged him. "I'm not alone, Naruto-kun. I have you and Iruka and Kakashi." He looked a little happier. "You have us too, remember." She thought he looked more relaxed as he left. Poor boy.

She was almost done with her class, which meant she would be expected to resume missions soon. She was running out of time, and her search was hitting a dead end. All the evidence showed that her boy was stillborn. Of course, everyone had thought she was dead as well, just one more victim of the Kyuubi's attack that almost leveled the hospital. If she didn't have her own vivid memories of the birth, she wouldn't have believed that her son was alive.

Hurricane could tell that Tsunade thought she was in denial, but she didn't care. She remembered giving birth, and she distinctly remembered her husband holding the baby with a terribly sad look on his face. At the time, she wondered why he was at a birthing instead of outside fighting, but now it seemed even more mysterious. Why had he hidden their son's identity? He was such a strange man; there was no telling what was going on in that complex mind of his, but knowing him it probably had something to do with the "good of the village".

It was her misfortune to attract Ebisu's attention. It happened one Monday as she was having ramen with Iruka and Naruto. He stopped by the shop for ramen, and was entranced by the still beautiful woman. He slid next to her, bumping Iruka over rudely. "I haven't seen you around the village," he said. "I know. I would have remembered." He flashed his best smile at her, and the serving girl behind the counter promptly fainted.

"Very funny, Ebisu," she said. "Long time no see, huh?"

Naruto scowled at Ebisu, who ignored the youth. "The movie based on the Icha-Icha Paradise Book is coming out this weekend. Care to see it with me?"

"Thanks, but I'm actually pretty busy this weekend." She hoped to steer the conversation away from flirting. Even when she was married Ebisu had been hopelessly in love with her – or so he claimed. She suspected he was just bored; she wouldn't be surprised if flirting was how he killed time. He was a somewhat attractive man, but just having him pay such attention to her made her ache to see her love. Ebisu was a sad excuse for a man compared to the love of her life. When would he be done with his mission?

Ebisu couldn't take a hint, and the more she resisted his advances, the more he was attracted to her, just like old times. She noticed Naruto becoming more and more agitated. Iruka left early, knowing things would only get tenser if he stayed. He was beginning to feel jealous of Hurricane and wished Ebisu would notice him more.

Hurricane found herself genuinely liking the odd man. He just didn't have a chance with her because he'd come too late in her life. There was only room in her heart for one man. They bantered back and forth about the weather, missions, Konoha's new art museum, and whatever pointless things they thought of to chat about. Naruto was absolutely seething after about an hour.

Hurricane had been trying to politely end the conversation, and finally Ebisu seemed to realize that as unbelievable as it was, there was actually a woman who didn't want his spectacular self. As he stood to leave, he smiled a brilliant smile and bowed slightly. "It was nice to talk with you. I hope we see each other again soon." He took her hand and kissed it gallantly. "You grace Konoha with your presence."

Suddenly, Ebisu found himself flying backward with an angry Naruto between himself and a stunned Hurricane. "Leave my mom alone, you pervy jerk!" he yelled, and then stopped as he realized what he had said. He turned red, and stammered, "I'm sorry." He left the ramen shop quickly. Naruto bumped into Shizune on the way out, who was passing by and had seen everything. Ebisu started to go after his former student.

Hurricane stopped him. "Let me. I might know what's wrong." When she got to his apartment, she knocked but there was no answer. She tried the door, and finding it unlocked entered his hovel. She found him at his kitchen table surrounded by filth and bugs. His head was on the table and he was sobbing loudly. When he noticed her, he sat up and wiped his nose on his sleeve. She grimaced and found a semi-clean towel for him.

"Do you want to tell me what all that was about?"

"I'm sorry. It's just sometimes I like to imagine that you and Iruka Sensei..." he blew his nose loudly.

"Are your parents?" she finished softly.

He nodded. "I know it's stupid, but Kakashi Sensei told me your baby was born the same night I was, and sometimes when I'm lonely I just like to imagine that I have parents."

Could that be the missing part of her investigations? She hadn't checked to see which babies were born the same night as her own. That meant that Naruto or any of the other children his age in the village could actually be hers if they were switched at birth.

Just then Hurricane heard a tentative knock and opened to door to find a tearful Shizune. She came in and stood uncertainly at the door.

"Shizune?" Naruto asked, wiping his eyes. "What's wrong?"

She sat down across from Naruto. "I'm so sorry; I should have said something earlier, but I didn't know how. I was frightened."

"Said something about what?" Hurricane asked. Her heart raced. Surely this couldn't mean what she was thinking. It was best not to hope too soon.

"Naruto, it's time that you knew this. Hatake Hurricane and the fourth Hokage are your parents. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you."

Naruto, of course, was thoroughly shocked. Hurricane however thought that the pieces fit together. He even looked like Minato.

"Naruto, are you ok?" Hurricane asked. He laughed and jumped up to hug her, overturning a chair and a day old bowl of half-eaten ramen. "Ok? This is the best day of my life! Believe it!"

As she was holding him, she looked at Shizune over his shoulder. "You have some explaining to do."

"I didn't want to do it; he made me. I was so young, and I didn't know any better. He kept talking about the good of the village and it made sense at the time."

"Yeah, he could do that," Hurricane said.

"There were two births that night, yours and some prostitute's. We don't even know her name, but when she and her baby both died during the attack, the Fourth switched the babies."

"That crazy!" Naruto said. "Why would anyone do that?"

"Because he knew no one would let him sacrifice his son, but no one would care about some whore's whelp. There's a reason Tsunade-sama is called Princess Tsunade."

Naruto gave her a blank confused look.

"You're a son of a Hokage, which makes you Prince Naruto. No one would let a prince be sacrificed. There were complications; your mom was dying. I don't know how she lived; it must have been that medic-nin Orochimaru

carries around."

"Woah!" Hurricane interrupted. "What's this about him being sacrificed? I've never heard this before."

Naruto lifted his shirt to show her the seal on his stomach. "He sealed the Kyuubi in me. It was the only way to stop him."

"That bastard!" she said, and smashed Naruto's wobbly table into splinters with one fist blow. Shizune flinched, sure that she would be next.

"It's not your fault," Hurricane said. "He probably used a genjutsu on you. I can't believe he'd sink so low. Why didn't you tell Naruto later, though?"

"He made me promise to keep it a secret. I just couldn't do it any longer."

Kakashi was incredibly surprised to find his sister banging on his door at 1:00 A.M. "Wha? Hnnn," he muttered, rubbing his masked face. After she had a long visit with a shocked new uncle to get more of Naruto's history, she returned to Naruto's shack of an apartment. She found him asleep, so she bedded down on the couch. Hurricane had a feeling he'd feel better if she was there when he awoke.

When Naruto woke up, he wandered into the "living room", which was really just a spot for a small couch in his one-room utility apartment. He looked between Hurricane and his shattered table, then back to Hurricane, and then back at the table.

"It's not a dream?" he asked himself. "It's not a dream," he said as reality began to set in. "It's not a dream!" he yelled, waking Hurricane and dancing around the cramped space. She promptly fell off the couch and cursed her offspring.

"Sorry okaa-san," he sang happily, and went to make breakfast. It wasn't an easy matter though. Hurricane went to help him and found to her dismay that the oven and stovetop were both broken, and he owned no microwave. It seemed that his only way to cook was a small camp stove that he kept on a broken counter. Even worse, the only things to eat in the apartment were ramen and cereal.

"You've got to eat some fruit and vegetables, Naruto."

"You sound like Kakashi-Sensei," he growled. "I hate that stuff."

"Kakashi took care of you then?" she asked hopefully. She would have to remember to thank him. She was glad someone had cared for him, at least.

"He tried to make me eat fruit and cabbage, if that's what you mean."

"We really need to straighten things out around here, but first things first. What level missions do you get?"

"Mostly C-Rank, but sometimes I get B-ranks, and once or twice I've gotten an A-Rank. I had an S-rank once, but that was an accident."

"Even with C-Rank missions you should be able to live better than this. We've got to find you a better apartment."

Naruto fidgeted. "Everyone overcharges me. I pay five times too much for this place, and for my food, and the landlord won't fix anything. It's because of the Kyuubi."

"I don't understand," she said.

"They just see the fox demon when they see me, and all they think about is how their family died from him. Some of them think I actually am the Kyuubi."

"Fools," Hurricane said. "They're superstitious fools, all of them. Well, we'll find a place together, and I'd like to see them try to overcharge me."

"We're going to live together?" Naruto asked. "Really?"

"Of course, Naruto. I'm your mother, silly. You're going to have to learn to clean, though."

"Could Iruka Sensei...?"

"Naruto, we've been through this. I don't love Iruka."

He grinned. "You can't blame me for trying."

Between her missions and trying to keep up with Naruto, the next couple months were a blur. She was getting B-class mission and an occasional A-class, but she still had to do guard duty like everyone else. It was one dull summer day four months after her arrival in Konoha that she saw him, walking tiredly toward the village with three younger ninja. He was finally returning from his long mission. Her mouth went dry. Would he even recognize her after all this time? Would he even care? She arranged her hair self-consciously as he approached; he was chatting with one of the younger ninjas who looked just like him. Her heart sank. That must be his son; he was married. The fates had conspired against her. They must hate her personally.

As they reached the gates, he turned to the guards on duty and froze when he saw her in her Jounin vest. "Hurr – hurricane?" he asked before he fainted, which was completely understandable. He had just seen a ghost after all.

"Gai-Sensei!" Lee yelled. "Wake up! This is not youthful!"

Hurricane breathed a sigh of relief. The boy had called him Sensei and not otou-san. She felt frozen to the spot with anticipation.

Gai woke and sat up. Everyone waited for the expected youthful remarks, but instead he simply sat in the dust, silent and staring. Neji and Tenten would later say it was the only time in their relationship with their Sensei that he was speechless.

Finally, Neji extended his hand to his Sensei to help him up. Gai waved him off. "Stop. I'm enjoying this most youthful genjutsu."

It was four days before Guy would accept that he wasn't in a genjutsu trance. When he realized she really was alive, he cried and talked about the "flowers of youth returning to Konoha." He was stranger than he had been when they were younger, but that was to be expected. Jounin class ninjas were known to have marked tendencies towards neuroticism. He was still as excitable and idealistic as she remembered him though, and that's what she had always loved best. He had aged well, too. He still kept the same cute haircut and the same manly eyebrows, as well as the darkly tanned skin, wiry but muscular frame, and perfect white teeth. That green jumpsuit though...wow. That was bad.

Naruto had never been happier. If he could have designed his own life this was exactly how it would have been. He had a mother, and Kakashi-Sensei - now Oji-Kakashi - took more of an interest in him now that they were family. It seemed as if everyone in the village loved his mother, which made life easier for him. They acknowledged him now, and he was seeing much more of Gai-Sensei, which always made life more interesting. He was too dense to realize why Gai was around more, though. Because Gai was around more, Lee was around more – almost enough to seem like he was a brother. That was just fine with Naruto.

Hurricane's new home was just two blocks away from Ichiraku's, which made Naruto happy. It was a very formal, elegant home. When he complained about the formality to Kakashi, he reminded Naruto that she had been the Hokage's wife after all. They were royalty. He would just have to get used to it.

One night Naruto came home to find an extra spot had been set for dinner. He loved having guests. "Who's coming?" he asked excitedly.

"Kakashi thought he'd come over tonight. We haven't had dinner together in 20 years, and apparently he thought it was overdue."

"Kakashi-Sensei's coming here?" This was perfect! If he was eating he'd have to take off his mask and Naruto could finally see what his face looked like. He'd been curious for years to know why the Jounin hid his face. Was it deformed, or ugly, or misshapen?

"Yes, and you should call him Oji-Kakashi now. He's family."

Dinner time came and they sat, and waited. And waited. And waited some more. He was late, as usual. They sat and drank green tea, which Naruto hated, and chatted. Hurricane noticed that even though he was happy, Naruto seemed to have an ill look about him.

"Are you feeling ok? You look rough."

He sat his tea down, glad of an excuse to get rid of it. "Sure, I'm fine. Just some stomach problems." There was no point ruining such a good night because of some stomach pain. He was sure it would go away eventually.

He was relieved when Kakashi arrived and took the spotlight off of him. As dinner was served, Kakashi looked uneasy, and Naruto thought he knew why. He would have to lower his mask soon. He looked at Naruto, said, "well, you are family now," and pulled down the mask.

Naruto gawked like the mannerless man he was until Hurricane nudged him roughly. "Eat your soup and quit staring."

No wonder he hid that face. With the mask on and the spiky hair and blind eye, he looked masculine enough, but without it he looked just like his sister. He was hiding a girly face!

"Well," Kakashi growled, "go ahead and get it out of your system."

"Why the mask then? I thought you must be hideous or have tiny lips or something, but you look fairly normal. Your face isn't that bad." Even Naruto knew better than to tell his deadly uncle he was man-pretty.

Kakashi fiddled with a piece of broccoli. "I attracted too much attention. Subterfuge is a necessity for a ninja, and it's hard to hide in a crowd with fan girls following me around. So I started wearing the mask. Anyway, now you know one of the family secrets. Keep it to yourself."

The family dinners were Naruto's favorite times - even better than Ramen Mondays. Gai Sensei and Lee began coming too, and sometimes Iruka or Anko would be invited. Anko always turned down the invitations, but Hurricane kept trying. She wouldn't give up on her old friend. When Iruka came, Kakashi would always say he wasn't hungry and keep his mask on. Naruto wasn't observant enough to notice, but Hurricane did. It made her laugh. Even after all these years, Iruka probably did still have a school boy crush on her brother.

The only dark spot on Naruto's perfect life were the sharp pains in his stomach, which he didn't tell anyone about. He would go to the hospital if it got bad enough, he decided. It was probably just gas from all the vegetables his mom made him eat now.

Naruto really wasn't very observant, but even he should have realized his mother was in love. The flowers around the house, her constant attention from Gai, how happy she always was – you would think some of this would register with him. But he was completely surprised to open the door one day to find his mother kissing Gai-Sensei in his living room! He dropped the groceries and Gai and his mother stepped apart self-consciously. Gai was embarrassed, but his mother thought the situation was more funny than anything.

"Naruto, close the door. And close your mouth too, or you'll catch flies." Naruto stepped inside, and he and Gai carefully avoided each other's eyes while they picked up the groceries.

"I have to go, but I'll be back as soon as I can," Gai said to Hurricane.

"Naruto, train hard and stay youthful," he said awkwardly.

Gai kissed Hurricane briefly at the door, and they didn't let go of each other's hands so much as let the fingers slide away from each other, as if they wanted to touch until the very last second.

When she closed the door, Naruto asked, "Um, mom? Are you and Gai-Sensei together?"

_Wow he's dense_, she thought. "No Naruto, I just decided to start randomly kissing Jounins."

He was quiet for a moment or two, and he seemed to be thinking hard. "Do you think you could get him to stop wearing that awful green thing?"

She laughed. "I doubt it highly. Is that all?"

"Um... Yeah. I like Gai-Sensei. Except, you know, he's really loud, and _green._"

"Yeah, he is, but that's not so bad. We're all a little off in our own ways. For a Jounin he's quite sane, actually."

"You're not crazy."

"I'm not yet. There's something about becoming a very powerful ninja that changes a person's mind eventually. Except for the exercise and meal periods we were allowed, I've basically been asleep for about 20 years, so I haven't had time to get weird yet."

Having Gai-Sensei around wasn't so bad, and Naruto even began to enjoy the extra attention. He wasn't surprised when his mom said they were going to be married. Fortunately, Gai didn't wear the green atrocity to the wedding, but he did wear a green tux. He said green was the color of youth, and should be worn at all weddings. Kakashi was the best man and he insisted on wearing the mask, even though it looked very strange with the tux. After some grumbling, Anko consented to be the maid of honor, although she looked really strange in her jade gown.

They honeymooned for a week, and Naruto had the house all to himself. It seemed terribly empty to him, and he couldn't imagine how he had lived so long by himself. The stomach pains were getting worse, and he knew he'd have to give in and go to the hospital soon. He just didn't want to face Sakura's wrath for waiting so long.

When they came home, he tried to give them some privacy by staying out late to practice. One night, he came home exhausted, and he could barely stay awake long enough to eat. He woke up a few hours later when the pains started. At first they weren't too bad, just like really bad gas. Then they got worse, until he could barely see straight. He didn't panic though, until something began to move under his skin. It felt like a snake was right under his stomach, trying to get out.

He got up and made his way to the door, holding onto the walls for support. His parents were sitting in the informal family room, watching TV, and he stumbled his way toward them. He put his hand on Gai's shoulder. "Otou-san?" he said, just before he collapsed.

Hurricane screamed when she saw her son. His stomach was bleeding, and something was stretching the skin under it. She knelt down to hold him.

"The seal is weakening; Kakashi knows a lot about seals," Gai said. "He'll know what to do." He ran as fast as he could to get Kakashi.

Kakashi put his hand on Naruto's stomach. "I think the seal is breaking. I've never heard of that happening before, but I don't know much about this particular seal."

"What does that mean?" Hurricane asked.

"It means unless we do something fast, Kyuubi's about to break the seal. I don't know of anyone who can seal Kyuubi. The fourth made a deal with the Shinigami to do it."

"How do we do that?" Gai asked. "Tell me!"

Hurricane realized Gai meant to sacrifice himself to save Naruto.

"I have no idea," Kakashi said. "All of the ninjas to make that contract that I know of are dead, so I don't even know who to ask. I can try something I did with Sasuke. I can't make that particular seal, but I might be able to make a reinforcing seal, to hold the fox in for a while."

He directed them to raise Naruto to a sitting position, and drew the seals on him. There was a slim chance this would work; he was really in an experimental area right now. He made the hand movements and performed the jutsu. Naruto quit bleeding, and the movement under the skin calmed down. There was still an occasional slither in his stomach though, and Kakashi knew the technique had only been partially successful.

They rushed the unconscious jinchuurike to the hospital and waited outside his room anxiously. Kakashi's hand dripped blood onto the spotless floor.

"My son's blood," Gai muttered as he watched the drops fall. He looked at Kakashi. "He called me Otou-san. He's never done that before."

Kakashi squeezed Gai's shoulder roughly. "He's a strong kid. He'll get through this." He hoped Gai believed him; he didn't believe it himself, but he had hope.

Jounins began to gather in the waiting room. Word had gotten around quickly, and Gai knew they weren't there because they were worried about Naruto. They were bristling with kunai, weapons, and weapon scrolls. They were worried about the Kyuubi. The atmosphere was incredibly tense, like the anticipation before a battle.

Tsunade stepped out of the room and pulled her surgical mask down. "It's looking bad. I need Jounins in here in case it goes completely pear shaped. She picked out five of the strongest ninjas in the room. Gai and Kakashi were included.

They were greeted by a gruesome sight. Naruto's stomach was bleeding again, and there was a foot high lump rising out of his belly under his skin. It stretched and pulled at the skin; it could only be a short time before even Naruto's unnaturally strong body gave way and the creature escaped. They could hear a high pitched scream coming from inside Naruto's stomach. Kakashi's seal glowed blue over and around the original seal. It was holding the creature in check, but just barely. He had to quickly come to terms with the idea that he might have to kill his nephew if the Hokage ordered him to protect the village. The thought made him nauseous, but he had done worse in his time.

"We need him awake to fight!" Tsunade said, and Shizune administered a stimulant. Naruto awoke, but instead of screaming in pain like a normal person, he fought to control himself. "Use your chakra to control it Naruto," Tsunade said. "You have to help us!"

Gai stepped forward, and took his hand. "Otou-san?" Naruto said, and smiled weakly.

"Hai," Gai said. "Hold on. You are being very youthful Naruto. I am proud of how you are fighting."

The skin split with a wet tearing sound. "No!" Gai yelled and pulled out a kunai.

Naruto screamed at the sight. Instead of Kyuubi, a large wormlike creature with horrible sharp teeth lifted itself out of his gut and bit at the surrounding Jounin, hissing and screaming ferociously. Ibiki managed to impale it with a kunai without harming Naruto, who had passed out again.

Tsunade lifted it cautiously with a scalpel. "I don't know what this is, but it's definitely not the Kyuubi." She looked at the Jounins gathered outside the room. "I think you can go home now."

She pulled pounds of the creature out of him, and sent it to the lab. Naruto almost died from blood loss, but she was able to save him. His stomach and intestines were badly damaged, and would need reconstructive surgery, but he was alive.

Naruto awoke several days later to a very painful, bandaged stomach and his parents on either side of his bed. His mother was holding his hand, and Gai had fallen asleep in a chair. Kakashi was - of course - leaning against the wall reading the latest Icha-Icha book. Naruto remembered the last time he'd been in the hospital. No one had been there when he woke up, sore and lonely. Kakashi had come by when he'd returned from his mission, but it had been one of the loneliest times in his life.

"Congratulations," Kakashi said, his visible eye twinkling mischievously. "You're the only person in history to cause an all-Jounin alert for a tapeworm."

"Tapeworm?" Naruto asked. "No way. That was a monster."

"A monster tapeworm," Kakashi said. "Apparently he fed off your massive amount of chakra. You managed to make a magic tapeworm. It even had its own chakra. It's being dissected and studied right now."

Hurricane ruffled his hair. "Get better fast and we'll go get some ramen."

Naruto held his stomach and groaned. "No ramen. That thing looked just like a huge ramen noodle with teeth. I may never eat ramen again."

The others looked at each other in surprise. "I'd better get a nurse," Kakashi said. "He must be in shock to say that."

Naruto did get well fast, thanks to the Kyuubi's healing powers. And then he went to eat ramen after all. His mother said he couldn't keep the tapeworm in a jar in his room, but Gai helped him sneak it through the window. "It's a very youthful thing to do," he told Naruto, and gave the good-guy pose.

Naruto slept very well that night in his odd house, with his storm-like mother and his green father chatting in the family room, and a magic tapeworm hidden in a jar under his bed. He named the tapeworm Bitey.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Enter the Wolf

A couple months later, Tsunade impatiently waited for a visitor. The one who dared to call herself simply "The Kage" irritated her beyond belief.

"The Kage indeed!" she said to Shizune, who watched her master carefully for signs of dangerous temper flares. "No _Kaze_kage or _Hoshi_kage for her then. No, she has to be The Kage. How arrogant! I don't like this already. Shizune, what do we know about this Hidden Wolf Village?"

Shizune handed Tsunade a small scroll. "Other than that they've chosen a bizarre name, we don't know much about them. About a year ago, intelligence reports indicated that Sound Nins attempted to invade the Wolf Village, only to be repelled by a single kunoichi . The other Hidden Wolf ninjas simply watched. We think this might have been a test for the nin. If so, they might prove to be very dangerous."

Tsunade paced the room. "But why the sudden interest in Konoha? What do they want from us?"

Shizune shrugged. "Who knows? At any rate, they don't seem aggressive. The gift the Kage sent is impressive." She pointed towards an exquisite jade carving of a sleeping wolf.

Tsunade lifted the carving. "Have you ever heard the saying 'Beware Greeks bearing gifts' before?"

Shizune shook her head. "What are Greeks?"

"Never mind - extremely ancient history."

Their conversation was interrupted by Anko introducing the Kage. Tsunade had taken the precaution of having all the ANBU members hiding outside the village to protect the entrances, and she had placed all the jounin who weren't on missions in strategically important positions around the village. Anko was playing receptionist in Shizune's normal spot, Gai was innocently "shopping" in the market near the school, and Ibiki was near the weapons storage facility pretending to be a shop owner for the day. The other jounin had been strategically placed near any vulnerable spots in the village. She had arranged for Kakashi to "forget" she was having a meeting and burst in with some excuse or other. She hadn't been specific; she knew he was imaginative when it came to excuse making.

The Kage entered the room and Tsunade had to grudgingly give her points for style. She entered with a gracefulness that spoke of training in the arts of intimidation, wearing a flowing green gown with a train. Tsunade suspected the gown was more than an affectation. She could probably use its many folds in battle to confuse her opponents. Her exact body movements could be easily hidden, and she probably had a way to lose the cumbersome train quickly.

As she entered the room, the Kage signaled to a taller nin behind her to remain outside. The girl bowed slightly and waited for her master just outside Tsunade's door. Tsunade made a mental note that the arrogant Kage hadn't even bothered to hide her own ninja.

As the door closed, Tsunade caught a glimpse of the nin, and what she saw disturbed her. The Kage's escort was a young girl, about 16 years old. It was her eyes that bothered Tsunade, though. She was forcefully reminded of Ibiki when she looked at the young nin. No young person should have eyes that empty. As the door closed, Tsunade thought she saw a brief emotion cross the young woman's face, but she didn't have time to think about it. It seemed like the girl was relieved for some reason. The Kage demanded all of her attention and prowess. She claimed to want to open negotiations with the Hidden Leaf Village, but Tsunade suspected she had another reason for her visit.

As arranged, about 15 minutes after the meeting started, Kakashi opened the door. "Tsunade-sama," he said lazily, "we need to talk about my mission assignments for next week. There's a scheduling conflict." He stopped as if noticing he was interrupting. "Very sorry. I'll wait." He moved to stand next to the door, hoping to stay in the room in case Tsunade needed him.

The Kage looked Kakashi over, and he felt like an academy student under her harsh gaze. She turned to Tsunade. "We had an understanding. Let him wait outside with my own nin, please."

Kakashi knew when he was caught, and stepped outside to wait in Tsunade's ample waiting area. He had meant to at least eavesdrop, but the presence of the Wolf nin ruined even that plan. He moodily pulled out his Icha-Icha Paradise and pretended to read, all the while using his other senses to catalog the scene. From his long association with the dog summons he had become somewhat doglike himself. He liked to rely on his nose for direction, and often allowed people around him to assume he was an absent-minded bookworm instead of a highly skilled observer. While he was a devoted scholar, he would never allow his love of books to interfere with his duties as a jounin – well, unless you count that one time with Naruto and Sakura in the forest, but that wasn't fair. Naruto had been shouting spoilers. He had learned long ago to let people underestimate him, and his lazy, slouching appearance and apparent lack of observantness often gave him the upper hand.

His nose told him a great deal about the Wolf nin. She had a wild smell about her, like Jiraiya. It was a fresh air and pine needle smell that only hermits who love the forest acquire. He smelled no perfume, of course. No competent kunoichi would give herself such a revealing identifier. There was something canine about her, but he couldn't quite place what.

After a while he stood and stretched as if stiff from sitting. The Wolf nin ignored him, or she seemed to. He noticed that she was reading as well, but she wasn't relaxed at all. She was probably using the same observation technique that he had been using himself.

He noticed the book she was "reading". "Icha-Icha Paradise? You like that too?" he asked in surprise. This was unexpected.

She smiled and raised her head. "I love it. Jiraiya is the best writer. I've heard he had other books out, but I've never seen them. We don't get much literature in the mountains."

Kakashi's mind whirled with the massive amount of information she had unwittingly given him in that short exchange. He now knew that the Wolf Village was a backwater place culturally, but she was very literate, which means they probably taught their nins well. This nin was somewhat naïve, or she wouldn't be talking to an enemy ninja so openly, and he could probably manipulate her into releasing more information about her village if he used the situation to his advantage.

He smiled at the girl in his one-eyed smile way. "Jiraiya's actually a friend of mine. Would you like to meet him sometime?"

"Would I? Oh that would be wonderful. Maybe he would sign my book." She sat forward in her seat, suddenly a fan girl instead of a deadly ninja. Then she seemed to remember her position and relative danger level in the unknown village and sat up straight again. "That would be nice," she said more reservedly.

Kakashi was slightly disappointed. This was going to be too easy. She reminded him of the way Naruto naively trusted strangers at times. He assumed that her upbringing in a mountain village didn't allow for much social interaction.

They chatted for a while, and he found himself genuinely liking the girl. He was careful not to ask any prying questions. Those should come later, after he had gained her trust. He felt a twinge of guilt at using her like this, but she was an enemy nin. It wasn't like she was the first woman he had tricked for mission purposes.

It was a couple of hours before Tsunade and the Kage left the room shaking hands and seeming as if they were the best of friends. Of course Kakashi and Anko weren't fooled by this. As they were parting, the Wolf nin stood behind her master. As if in an afterthought the Kage turned to Tsunade. "I'm sorry. I almost forgot our present to you. Imp, step forward."

When the ninja stepped in front of the Kage, the Kage placed a hand on her shoulder. "Tsunade, this is Imp. She is one of the Hidden Wolf Village's strongest ninja. No doubt you've heard of her feats against the Sound Nin."

"Hai," said Tsunade. She was curious as to where this was going.

"As a gesture of goodwill the Hidden Wolf Village is giving Imp to the Hidden Leaf Village. Imp, give me your forehead protector." Tsunade gasped. To ask a ninja for her forehead protector was a grievous insult. Maybe it was different in their village, but she doubted it.

A confused ninja handed over her forehead protector. "Imp?"

"You are no longer a Wolf Nin," the Kage said. "You will serve Konoha as faithfully as you served your own village."

"Hai." Imp looked incredibly confused. The Kage left, and everyone stood uncomfortably in the presence of the mystery before them.

Imp broke the silence herself. She bowed respectfully to Tsunade. "Hokage-sama, I don't really understand what just happened, but by the Kage's orders I am yours to command." Her eyes seemed pleading to Tsunade, as if she was begging her to put some order to the chaos Imp's life had suddenly become. The older woman went through all the scenarios that could have produced such a scene. Had the girl offended the Kage, or was she too popular in her own village? Was the Kage jealous of her for some reason? It was hard to imagine her as a spy. She just didn't seem the type. She would have to have Jounin level skills to pull of the acting job required to seem as naïve as she did. Tsunade shook her head to clear it. There were too many possibilities right now.

"I have to think about all this. Why don't you settle in for the night and come see me tomorrow afternoon. We'll talk then."

Tsunade turned to Anko. "Anko, would you see that some quarters are made ready for Imp? Thank you."

She gestured for Kakashi to follow her into her office. "Now, what did you want to talk to me about earlier?" It was an excuse to get him away from the girl so they could plan in private. When she was sure Imp was out of hearing range, she told Kakashi, "shadow her and find out what the Kage has planed. I'm sure the Kage will contact her before she leaves Konoha."

"How can you be sure?"

"Imp obviously had no idea this was going to happen. Her master will have to give her instructions before she leaves."

"What if she did know, and it's an elaborate plot?" Kakashi asked.

"That's a possibility, but my instincts tell me she's really confused. Finding out why is your job. Go. Try to find out why she's called Imp while you're at it – horrible name to give to a child."

He left, and Tsunade spent the night in deep contemplation and study. Kakashi shadowed Anko and Imp as they made their way to a modest motel on the outskirts of the village. It was a special motel with a room reserved for those the Hokage thought needed careful watching. When it was safe, he made his way to the room next to Imp's and waited. There were complicated listening devices and cameras installed, and he turned on the surveillance equipment and waited to see what happened.

Before Anko left, she asked Imp, "So what is your clan name?" Imp turned bright red and looked at her sandals. "I have no clan name," she said, and shut the door on a surprised Anko.

A short time later, a knock on the door revealed that the Kage had indeed come to visit. Kakashi was disturbed by the Kage. Now that the social niceties were no longer necessary, she was a harsh woman. Imp went to her knees and bowed to the floor in a way that bothered him greatly. The Kage obviously thought of herself as the master of her village, and the contrast between her heavy handedness and Tsunade's motherly approach to leadership was obvious. Tsunade could be rough at times, but she loved her village.

Imp remained cowed until the Kage said, "stand, dog." She stood, keeping her head down. "You have questions for me?" she asked, and it sounded to Kakashi like she was enjoying the situation. She seemed to be a sadist at heart, and he hated sadists.

"Why am I being sent away from the village, Kage sama?" Imp asked. "I've served the Wolf Village faithfully, and I protected it from Sound-nins. Why am I being punished?"

The Kage looked at her with such hatred it was obvious to Kakashi that this was a personal issue. "I know what you do in the forest, dog."

Imp looked up quickly. "I break no rules, Kage-sama. I just need to run sometimes, and to be myself. It's no danger to the village."

The Kage slapped her hard across the face. "Don't argue with me, dog! You will be a liability to the village soon. It's no matter now, though. You're Konoha's curse from now on."

"Master, what do you want me to do?" Imp asked.

The Kage rolled her eyes. "You really don't get it, do you? You're not our problem anymore. You accomplished what we needed. The Sound Nins are afraid of us, and we can certainly make more ninjas like you anytime we want. Since your "skills" aren't a bloodline, Konoha can't gain any information from your body, and since we kept you away from the rest of the village you can't betray our secrets. You've been an absolute failure though, so I don't think we'll be trying to recreate your type of ninja anytime soon. The only reason I'm not killing you is it might make the situation worse. Be grateful you're simply in exile."

"But Master," she pleaded. "I've fought hard for the village. How have I failed you?"

The Kage snorted derisively. "You weren't created to protect the village, fool. Any of our Jounins could do that. You were created to teach us how to harness pure, unadulterated power. You've failed. You haven't placed us any closer to our goals, and that makes you nothing but a mistake. Be glad I haven't ordered your execution. I'd rather have you inflict your worthless self on this village; there's an off chance it might be of use to me."

She left, and Imp sank onto a chair in grief. Kakashi was furious. How dare that old tyrant abuse a ninja of her own village like that! Not only was it wrong, it was a grievous waste of village assets. Every Jounin instinct he possessed cried out against such insanity; ninjas were valuable tools that weren't to be wasted lightly. He watched as Imp pulled out a kunai and played with it. His mouth went dry, and he really hoped she wasn't about to commit seppuku. His mind replayed scenes of his father dying for his lost honor. Tsunade hadn't been clear about if he could interfere with the possible enemy, but he didn't want to watch another person end her life for a misplaced sense of honor.

Imp fiddled with the sharp weapon, and then straightened in her seat. She placed the kunai against her abdomen and took a sharp breath. Then she lowered the knife. "No," she said. "It's her honor that is lost, not mine." She put the kunai away.

Kakashi slouched in his chair. This had been a draining night. He hoped that Tsunade might be able to help the girl. It was amazing how fast she had changed from a possible enemy in his mind to a hurt girl. He didn't forget the Kage's words though; and it made him wonder if she posed a danger to the village that wasn't readily apparent.

The next day, Imp sat quietly in Tsunade's office and waited to see what fate had in store for her. Tsunade frowned and tapped a pencil on the desk thoughtfully. "You have to understand, Imp. We can't really send you on high level missions, even though you're obviously a skilled ninja. We just don't know you. I'll try to find a place for you in the village, since you obviously can't return home." Tsunade noticed the anxious look that crossed Imp's face. "If you want us to trust you, you need to give us some information. Why were you sent here?"

"I don't know," she answered quietly.

"What about your family? Didn't they say anything to you before you left that might be a clue?"

"I don't have any family."

Tsunade felt a headache growing. She felt that the girl was somewhat simple, and getting a straight answer out of her was difficult.

"Just tell me what you can, Imp. Let's start with the name. Why are you called Imp?"

"That's just what the villagers called me. I don't know why." Tsunade felt that she was lying. She had good interrogation skills, and she noticed that Imp looked away slightly and swallowed hard.

"It's ok. We're not your enemies Imp. There's a truce, so you can talk to me." She smiled and hoped Imp was really as simple as she first appeared.

"I guess it can't hurt just to tell you about myself, but I probably shouldn't tell you much about the village."

"That's fine." Tsunade wished she had some sake. This was going to be a long day.

"I don't remember any family," Imp started. "The first thing I remember is the Kage coming to look in on me. She asked my caretaker how I was doing, and then she left.

That was my life for a long time. I was given a sensei, who trained me, and a caretaker to feed me and see to my needs and education. I wasn't allowed to leave my house outside the village except for training, and I was never allowed to talk to anyone. The Kage would come by once a week or so and ask about my training. I was always allowed to read all the books I wanted to read, as my sensei didn't want to bother with me unless we were training. Sometimes the villagers saw me, but they hated me.

Eventually, I was allowed to go on missions, but only with my sensei."

Tsunade waited for the rest. "And?" she finally asked.

"And what?" Imp asked.

"What's the rest of your life about? Surely that's not all, is there?"

Imp looked uncomfortable. "I have a friend, but I don't like to talk about her."

Tsunade was floored. The girl had been kept and trained as a living weapon. She was reminded of Gaara, but at least Gaara had siblings that cared about him. It was no wonder the girl was socially retarded.

"Hokage-sama?" Imp asked. "Can I go on missions? It's all I really know how to do."

Her heart went out to the girl. "We can give you some D rank missions until you prove yourself."

And she did prove herself. There were few ninjas who worked harder for their village than the little Imp, and she became loved in Konoha. She treated the worst D rank missions as if they were a blessing.

Her bizarre work ethic reminded Kakashi of Gai, and he began to take a real liking to her. She was one of the very few women that he wasn't attracted to that he had any kind of interest in. The others were Sakura, Anko, and Ino. He respected them as strong women, but just couldn't take an interest in them as anything more than friends. Sakura was his student, which put her permanently off limits. He didn't like crazy women, so that ruled Anko out, and Ino was far too confident for his tastes. He liked his women to be just insecure enough to be slightly codependent. He knew he was shallow, but he didn't really care. He was good to the few women he'd dated, after all. It's not like they complained. Well, eventually they complained, but that was about his books and his constant missions. Those two things had cost him several of his adult relationships.

Besides being underage, Imp was definitely insecure, but she was just to neurotic for his picky tastes. He secretly had an Oedipus complex for Tsunade, but he'd never admit it to anyone, especially to her.

Generally, if she wasn't on a mission or training, Imp could be found sitting on a hill overlooking the lake near the Uchia compound. She would sit quietly for hours, and sometimes Kakashi or Shikamaru would come and sit beside her. They would sit silently, watching the water, and Kakashi and Shikamaru always left feeling relaxed. There was something about the unassuming girl that stilled the spirit.

Kakashi often saw her reading her precious, dog-eared Icha-Icha book, and he arranged for her to actually get to meet Jiraiya for an autographed copy. He made sure he was there when they met, though. The girl seemed hopelessly naïve, and he didn't want her to fall for Jiraiya's tricks. He was surprised at the amount of possessive care he felt for her, and was reminded of how he had felt toward Hurricane when they were younger. Even though his sister was older, he had always felt protective of her.

If she was naïve in the village, she was a killing machine in the field though. Kakashi and Shikamaru were sometimes her mission partners, and the difference between Imp the person and Imp the ninja was frightening. She worked her way into Tsunade's trust, and the Hokage began to give her A ranked missions. She killed with a merciless efficiency that even Kakashi found disturbing.

Once, he tried to talk to her about her ruthlessness. She had to kill a child who was a living weapon, and it bothered Kakashi. It wasn't so much that the killing was accomplished – that was a ninja's job after all – as the fact that she did it as unemotionally as if she was eating toast for breakfast. As she was wiping the blood off her sword, she said, "it's just a mission. It's what we do, right?" Her cold heartedness left him wondering if this was the "curse" the Kage had spoken of. What if she was sociopathic?

His worries about her oddness were replaced with another difficult mission. There had been recent sightings of someone outside Konoha at night. The reports were vague, mostly relaying that a tall woman with snow-white hair dressed in what appeared to be a dress made of wolf fur was simply running with the wolves around Konoha. Tsunade had told him to track the woman, and find out what she was doing. He wondered if one of the Inuzuka clan had "gone feral" as they called it. It had happened a few times in the past, and had cost many lives.

He summoned Pakun and explained the situation. They sat in some oaks near a place the woman had been sighted several times. He saw a flash of white in the trees, and he signaled Pakun to go right as he tried a flanking maneuver. It should have been simple, but an hour and a half later, he was still tracking his elusive prey.

As he was trying to find the trail for the fifth time, a hand rested on his shoulder. He jumped and turned at the same time, landing in a fighting stance and drawing a kunai before his brain even had time to consciously react. He saw a white-haired woman almost as tall as himself, holding an injured Pakun. "Your friend found a bear," she said, and he noticed her unfamiliar accent. She sat Pakun on the ground and ripped a bit of cloth off of her dress, which she used as a bandage. What the village had mistaken for wolf fur was actually thick white cotton and her trailing white hair. "You can go back to your village Kakashi. I stand guard every night; nothing will hurt the village while I'm here. The pack is safe." He noticed that her ears were tipped and covered in thick white fur, like a dog's.

He made sure Pakun's wounds were cared for, and then asked, "how do you know my name?" She was gone. He made his way back to Tsunade's. This was not good. Somehow, an intruder had managed to sneak up on a Jounin and a nin dog who were searching for her. Only a handful of the most elite ninjas could sneak up on him or Pakun. He could only hope she had Konoha's interests at heart. Tsunade sent several nins after her that night, but none could catch more than brief glimpses of her. She seemed to be toying with them.

Several days later he left with Naruto and Imp on a C ranked mission. They were supposed to escort a visiting diplomat to the Wave Country. Nothing went as expected, though. Halfway to the Wave Country, the "diplomat" attacked Kakashi and Sound nins jumped from the trees. The three managed to fight off the enemy, but Imp was seriously injured with a kunai to the stomach. As Kakashi checked her injury, he was shocked to see a seal on her stomach. His heart sank: he knew this seal.

Naruto saw it too. "She's a jinchūriki!" he said.

"Hai. That's probably why her village wanted to get rid of her." Even as he said it, he wished he hadn't.

Naruto's face looked terribly sad. "Yeah, villages tend to do that." Kakashi cursed himself for reminding Naruto of his harsh treatment. They watched as the wound repaired itself before their eyes. She was definitely a jinchūriki. When she awoke, they made their way back to the village. Naruto managed to keep his mouth shut about what he saw, which surprised Kakashi. Maybe the idiot was growing up after all, he thought fondly.

As much as he liked Imp, he had to tell Tsunade. Kakashi was afraid she would make the girl leave the village. After all, she had hidden vital information that could cause damage to the village. To his surprise however, Tsunade just took a sip of sake and said, "I knew she was hiding something. I'm not going to do anything about it though. She seems to be in control, and she's as much a Konoha ninja now as anyone else in this village."

"There's more," Kakashi said. "The seal is the basic seal, but it's not quite right. The left side is blue and the right is red. It almost looks like two entirely separate seals. I don't know what that means, but they obviously didn't do the seals normally. I don't think it's stable."

"Just keep an eye on her."

He spent more time with her, and they developed an easy friendship that was good for the girl and the jounin. He didn't notice any odd happenings that could be related to her having a demon sealed inside her, but he always kept a wary eye.

Later that week, Imp was sitting on the hill overlooking the village when she sensed a familiar chakra signature. "Kage-sama?" she asked fearfully.

"Of course, Imp-dog. You didn't think I'd forgotten you, did you?" Her laugh was unpleasant.

"Why did you come back?" Imp asked.

"For you, of course. You didn't really think I'd just leave you here?"

"But what you said..."

The Kage sneered. "I was performing for listening ears. What I really wanted was for you to do exactly as you've done, worm your way into Konoha's heart, so that you can assassinate Tsunade for me. We have ninjas ready for the invasion now."

"But why Konoha?"

"Because I knew they'd be suckers enough to take you in. Any other village would have killed you offhand. It's their own death though. Go dog, and kill like we trained you to kill."

"No."

The Kage was shocked. "Did you just say no to me? Don't forget that I could kill you easily."

"I'm a Konoha ninja. I won't betray my village." She fingered her Konoha headband. "This is my symbol now."

"You're a weapon, Imp – nothing more. Don't imagine those fools in Konoha think you're anything else. Now, either kill her or I kill you."

Years of brutal training weighed on Imp. She bowed before the Kage. "I'm very sorry, but I can't obey you."

As the Kage pulled back her hand to stab Imp, she leapt to the side and ran down the hill yelling, "Intruders!" The Kage realized that her precious weapon and the element of surprise were gone, and she was seriously outnumbered. She ordered a retreat. She seethed inside; no one defied her!

Konoha prepared for war. The war was short and brutal. Without Imps's help the Wolf village was pathetically weak, and surrendered quickly. The Kage escaped unharmed however. She had overestimated every strength of her village in her arrogance.

A short time after the war was over, several jounins and Imp responded to a disturbance outside the village. They were shocked to see the Kage - with an insane look about her - covered in enough explosive seals to destroy about a quarter of Konoha.

She laughed when she saw Imp. "Good, dog. I'm glad you're here to see this. Your precious village is about to be ashes. You destroyed my village, so now I'll destroy yours!"

Imp screamed. Suddenly, her outline seemed to waver, and where she had been standing a moment before, now stood the mysterious night walker with the furry ears and white robes. She snarled at the Kage, "you will not harm my pack!" and leapt at her. She jumped on the Kage and used her own body to absorb the explosion.

Neji turned the demoness over gently, and he was surprised to see red chakra forming over the deep wound. He could see gore and bits of organs through the chakra haze. "Byakugan!" He saw her body flooding with demonic chakra, repairing itself at an amazing rate.

The demoness awoke in the hospital, and panicked. Kakashi gently restrained her. "Kakashi? Tsunade?" Kakashi got the idea that even injured, she was allowing them to restrain her, and she could have escaped if she wished.

"Hai," Kakashi said. "You know my name, but I don't know your's. Who are you, and where is Imp?"

"My name is Rynata, and Imp-chan is... hiding is the best word for it, I guess."

"You'll have to do better than that!" Kakashi said. "What have you done with her?"

Rynata smiled. "I'm glad Imp-chan has friends." She looked at Kakashi. "You want to see her?"

"Hai."

"I might be able to take you to her then. Don't fight me." She pulled him toward her until their faces were about a foot apart, and he felt himself pulled into blackness. He could have fought off the technique, but he decided to let her take him where she wanted, on the chance he could help Imp. If it was an attack Tsunade was standing nearby and could help him.

As the darkness cleared, he saw Rynata, and then a surreal landscape with a single house. She led him to the house and opened the door.

"Where are we?" he asked.

"This is Imp's mind. This is the place she made for herself." They walked into the small cabin, and Rynata directed him toward one of the bedrooms. "She's in here."

She opened the door, and Kakashi saw Imp lying unconscious on a bed. She was extremely pale, and a deep gash ran down the entire side of her head.

"Why is she injured? She wasn't hurt in the battle; you were injured instead of her."

"This is just a representation of her. It's her mind that's injured, and badly. I think it was seeing the Kage that did it. She's been ill in her mind since she was very little, and I think that just put her over the edge." She sat down on the side of the bed and took Imp's hand. "Imp-chan," she said softly, "there's someone here to see you. Wake up Imp-chan."

Nothing happened. Rynata looked at Kakashi. "It's been like this since she forced me out of her mind."

Kakashi felt like he was missing a lot of information here. "Come again?"

"The Kage sealed me inside Imp when she was just a baby. She botched it though, and Imp could let me out when she wanted. I begged her to let me take revenge of the Kage for how she was treated, but she wouldn't have it. She really loved that worthless village. She only let me out occasionally to run in the woods, but she was a good friend. I knew it wasn't her fault that I was sealed inside her, so I didn't hold it against her. When we came to Konoha, she asked me to protect the village at night. Usually, she lets me out, but this time was different. When she saw the Kage, she forced me out of her mind so I could fight, and now she's like this. I think she's dying, and I think she doesn't want to live anymore."

Her technique ended, and he suddenly found himself back in the hospital. The force of the technique Rynata had used on him hit him suddenly. He found himself spiraling down into a darkness the demoness had nothing to do with.

He awoke in his own hospital bed, with a pounding headache and Naruto sitting next to him. "How long have I been out?" He asked.

"About a day, Oji-Kakashi."

"How's Imp?"

Naruto looked uncomfortable. "Not well. It's weird. She woke up, but then she and Rynata split apart entirely. She's separated from Rynata physically. I didn't think that could happen with jinchūrikis."

Kakashi checked to make sure the hospital staff had left his mask on, got unsteadily to his feet, and grabbed a hospital gown. "It can't happen." He headed to her room, to find Tsunade frantically working on Imp, and Rynata anxiously biting a claw near the bed.

"Kakashi," Rynatta said. "I'm glad you're here."

"What's happening?" He asked her.

"I'm not sure, but somehow she's forced me out of her mind, and she won't let me back inside. She can't live like this. I think she might be committing suicide."

They couldn't do anything but watch the life drain out of her slowly, and when the tubes and machines were disconnected they were ushered out of the room, and a white sheet was draped over Imp's body.

Rynata stood there staring at the closed door, breathing heavily. Kakashi found himself in the odd position of feeling sorry for a demoness. He awkwardly placed an arm around her shoulder, like he would for a comrade. Actually, she was a comrade in a way, since she was a protector of Konoha just like him.

"She didn't deserve this." Rynata said.

"I know." Kakashi wondered what he should say.

"There isn't even anyone to take revenge against; they're all dead already. My teeth will never know their blood."

Kakashi removed his arm uneasily. Until that last statement, he had actually forgotten what Rynata was. She seemed so human at times.

Tsunade left the room and took off her gloves. "She'll be buried with honor, and her name will be put on the memorial stone. I wish we could do more for her."

"I can do something for her," Rynata said. "I can protect the village she loved." She turned to Kakashi and squeezed his hand, careful to avoid impaling it with her claws. "Thank you for being her friend."

Life picked up where it had left off, albeit a little emptier. However added to the normal nightly sounds of Konoha were the grieving wolf howls of Rynata outside the gates.

Rynata considered Tsunade the Alpha Wolf of Konoha, so there were no problems in that area. She was quite content to take orders from the Hokage, and no one was foolish enough to try her temper. She made new friends, spending time with Ibiki and Anko, but Kakashi and Kiba were her favorites. Shikamaru didn't trust her, but Kakashi suspected he was really just angry because Imp was gone. Rynata was constantly bugging Kakashi to summon Pakun for her to talk with, and he always gave in because he liked seeing them happy. Pakun wasn't happy with the nickname she gave him, though. He thought "Bearbait" was undignified, but he secretly liked the attention.

One day, she was playing with Akamaru and Pakun with Kakashi and Kiba. Kiba asked the question that everyone had wanted to ask, but no one had the guts to. "I thought demons were evil. How can you be a demon? I mean, aren't they hundreds of feet tall and go on killing rampages and destroy villages?"

Kakashi wanted to smack Kiba in the head. Honestly, that boy could be as bad as Naruto sometimes. Rynata looked irritated for a moment. "There were so many things wrong in that question I'm not sure what I should correct first.

First, we don't call ourselves "demons". Our name isn't pronounceable in human languages, but it translates roughly to "The People". And most of The People aren't any more evil than most humans. We tend to have more passion, I guess. When we love, we love for eternity, and when we hate we destroy entire countries."

Kiba shuddered at the idea of Rynata on a rampage. "But what about the Kyuubi? And the other demons?"

"Ah, you mean the Mad Ones. That's a whole other story. Most of The People are sane, but about ten percent use their powers too much and go permanently insane. Those are the demons you know of. They assume their full power too often, and it drives them mad. You've never even seen my full power. I use it about once a century. Kyuubi was actually very nice until he went mad: he was an artist, and a good friend of mine."

She had been lazily playing Frisbee with the dogs when she suddenly jumped up and cocked her head to the side. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Kiba asked.

She snarled. "Come quick," and ran, full speed, from Konoha. Kiba and Kakashi followed her. Kakashi could barely keep up with her: Kiba was left behind. They stopped at a clearing in the woods. In the middle of the glade were piled about 50 dead wolves. Rynata ran down to them and fell to her knees, lifting each one, and calling them by name.

"Brlu, Ceyth, Dithy..." She whined slightly like a puppy. "No, oh no. Kakashi they killed my wolves." He saw tears running down her cheeks. "Who would do this?"

He knelt beside her and she buried her face in his flak jacket, inhaling the familiar scents he carried on him of Konoha, Pakun, and Jounin – anything to block out the smell of dead wolf. Kakashi found himself surprised to be holding a demoness in a rather more friendly manner than he wanted. He realized with a shock that demoness or not, Rynata was his friend, and he didn't like seeing her like this. He wrapped his arms around her protectively, watching for enemies the whole time. Whoever did this might still be nearby.

She held onto him tightly, and he noticed the fresh pine-needle scent to her hair - just like Imp. He was disturbed to realize that he was enjoying holding the wolf demoness, and only let go when he felt sharp pains in his back. "Rynata, your claws," he said.

She pulled her claws away and wiped her eyes. "Sorry Kakashi."

Shikamaru had caught up with them, and he crouched near the wolves. In his mind he began the strategy and assessment that could only be likened to a real life game of Shoji. He was already two steps ahead of the current situation, and his mind held hundred of possible permutations.

"I think they were playing on your passion for the wolves to try to get you to attack Konoha," he said.

"Why would you think that?" Renata asked. "There's no way this could be associated with anyone in particular."

Shikamaru pointed to tracks in the dirt near the wolves. "They were good enough to get this close to the village without being noticed by the Anbu or the guards. They didn't even set off any of the guarding seals, so they are at least competent ninjas. Yet, if you look at the shoe prints, it's obvious they didn't try to hide something that is an obvious identifier. They did this on purpose."

Rinata pulled her face away from Kakashi's vest, but she still held him tightly. "Why would they do that? I'm just going to kill them in the worst way I can think of." Her eyes started to glow red as her grief turned to fury, and Shikamaru knew he'd better point her in the right direction quickly before he went on a complete rampage.

"I think they were counting on you having an emotional reaction and tracking down the killers without thinking that much through. I don't think these are their shoes. They probably stole a Konoha ninja's shoes and hoped you'd recognize them. Assuming that's the only clue here, it's safe to assume you'd make the most out of it."

Kakashi got where this was going. "And I bet the shoes could tell us how powerful they ninjas are," he said. "They'd want to send Renata against someone powerful, so that the battle would last long enough to destroy as much as possible. A powerful ninja battle can rearrange entire landscapes. Let's see… it's a woman's high heels." He studied the prints, trying to wring every possible bit of meaning from the scene.

Renata went to her knees and sniffed the ground thoroughly. "I can barely smell it over the corpses, but these are Tsunade's shoes. I recognize her scent."

Kakashi went even paler than usual. "That means someone was good enough to sneak into one of the Legendary Sanin's rooms, steal something from her, kill 50 wolves, and escape before we could even get here. Not good. Are you sure about this?"

She flashed him a bit of fang and growled slightly. "I'm going to assume that a human wouldn't realize what an insult you just gave me."

He scratched the back of his head and smiled nervously. "Sorry, sorry," he said quickly.

"Only a Sanin could food a Sanin," Shikamaru said. "This can only mean Orochimaru is involved. It's a convenient, hands-off way to destroy the village."

The moment Orochimaru's name was mentioned, Kakashi knew they had barely avoided destruction. "We need to report to Tsunade immediately," he said, and disappeared in a flurry of leaves.

Shikamaru turned to Renata, but all he saw was her back disappearing into the trees at the edge of the clearing. "Not like a demon would understand the idea of teamwork," he muttered to himself before heading to Konoha.

Even as he reached the Tower, activity was sweeping through the village. Tsunade was in the middle of it all - very much the general. She shouted orders and separated which of the jounins and strongest chunins and genins would leave to track Orochimaru. She was tempted to leave herself, but she knew it might be a trap. He could be waiting for them to leave so he could attack the village, since Renata hadn't done it for him. Hopefully he had some respect for a demon's powers and had retreated to more familiar territory to fight. No one actually knew how powerful Renata was.

Team Gai was left in the village, under Gai's stringent protests. He was especially upset when he learned that team Kakashi was leaving. He covered his true feelings with talk about "youth" and "rivalry", but he really didn't want his friend and new kinsman fighting Orochimaru without him.

Jiraiya and Ibiki were left in the village as well, and Asuma's team stayed with them. With Tsunade in place in Konoha as well, they might just be able to defend against an attack.

In the end, Team Kakashi went with the Sand Siblings, who were in town on diplomacy errands. Shikamaru had been separated from his team for this mission, and after his obligatory complaints about how troublesome it was, he left with the others. Tsunade wasn't happy about splitting up their formation, but she needed Ino to search for the spy who had been supplying Orochimaru with information. She counted on Choji to protect Ino physically while she was vulnerable during her mind techniques.

Kurenai's team left grimly with the others. Kiba was still furious at the wolves' slaughter, and Shino was just his regular type of grim. Hinata fretted that she might fail her friends again, and she was worried about Naruto. He just wasn't rational when it came to Orochimaru, and she was afraid he would do something stupid like create a bunch of Kage-Bunshins and rush in head first with simple physical moves, like he did in every fight involving any personal matter. Naruto had failed emotion control classes twice, and he really was lacking in this essential shinobi skill.

As they flew through the trees at break-neck speed, she caught up to Naruto. "Naruto-kun," she said in her typical soft voice, "take these." She pressed a special pill into his hand.

Hinata had researched emotion control for Naruto's benefit. Unknown to Naruto, she had worked with Ibiki's help, and came up with a temporary solution. "Take it at the beginning of battle, or take it just before battle if you can. It will help." She didn't want to tell him why it would help, because she was sure he'd be offended. She had given him a drug to increase intelligence and repress emotions for a short time - about an hour at the most.

Tsunade somehow managed to learn about her research, and warned her to be very careful with those pills. Ibiki had abused them in his younger years, and as a result had severe emotional deficiencies. He often couldn't feel any emotions at all. This made him an excellent "information gathering specialist", as he liked to call himself, but neither Tsunade or Hinata wanted to see Naruto end up like the cold and frightening Ibiki. Hinata shuddered at the thought, but she knew that a few carefully administered doses wouldn't hurt him.

"Thank you Hinata-chan, but why did you do this? You must need this as much as I do." Hinata realized he must think it was some sort of new soldier pill.

"You- you're one of my special people," she said, and blushed furiously. "If you didn't come back to Konoha, I don't know what I'd do." It had taken all she had to be this forward, but a battle with Orochimaru probably meant death for at least some of her friends. It might mean that none of them came back alive.

Naruto realized he had been overlooking her, and he had a vague feeling that he had been missing something important about the meek woman. "You're one of my special people too," he said, and grinned. "Believe it!"

Hinata was proud of herself; she managed not to faint.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Dead Leaves and Side Effects

They raced toward Orochimaru's hiding place. They had been simply following Renata's sloppy trail. In her anger she hadn't bothered to try to hide her tracks at all. After about an hour Kakashi heard an explosion due north of them. A massive fireball rose above the forest, and he heard a great roar of fury - a demon's roar.

They had to stop a full five miles from the fight, or they would have been caught up in the powerful jutsus being used on both sides. A fog of war covered the battlefield, with dust swirling around them and completely obstructing the view. They leapt to the treetops, where they could at least see over the dust ocean, and there they saw Rynata in her full demon form. She was a great white wolf with fangs as long as trees and a head large enough to eat the Hokage tower if she wished.

Kakashi wished Tenzo was present, but he had the bad luck to be away on a mission. There was no way to know if Rynata would return to her fairly reasonable self once she had killed Orochimaru, if killing him was even possible.

The battle lasted hours and the ninjas simply watched helplessly. Shikamaru used the time to create a battle strategy that involved Kakashi and Naruto's strength, Chidori, and Rasengan as a frontal attack, with Kiba, Akamaru and Shino making a flanking move just as the others backed up the frontal assault with long ranged jutsus. He would have used Anko with Kurenai in the back lines with their powerful genjutsus, but he couldn't trust Anko to keep her head. He put her with the frontal assault; she probably would have just charged in anyway.

They would rely on Hinata to stay on the back lines and read the scene with her Byakugan, filling them in on Orochimaru's condition over the radio as things progressed. Shikamaru had a suspicion that he could only shed his skin and regenerate a certain number of times, and that right before each regeneration he might be vulnerable. He wouldn't do such a drastic, chakra consuming move unless he had to for some reason; even Orochimaru must have chakra limits.

Sakura was left in the back with Shikamaru and Hinata. As useful as her strength would be, her medic skills were going to be needed more than her fighting skills. Shikamaru's goal was realistic, if sad. He only hoped one of them would live long enough to strike the final blow. Even though he was massively outnumbered, the odds were heavily in Orochimaru's favor.

Shikamaru was going to hold his chakra until Hinata informed him that Orochimaru was weak enough to need to shed. Then he would use Shadow Bind on the Sanin. He knew he could only hold such a strong ninja seconds at best, but that should be enough for the surviving ninjas to kill or at least incapacitate Orochimaru. He missed Choji and Ino desperately, but there was no getting around their absence. There were other fighters, left to decide where to strike as the situation progressed.

He wasn't happy about the unknowns in his equations. Kabuto might show up, as well as Sasuke. He suspected that Sasuke was too self-centered to help Orochimaru, and would probably leave him to stew in his own juices. Kabuto would be a definite threat though.

About noon they noticed that the demon roars ceased. Shikamaru wondered if she had been trying to intimidate the Sanin, and had realized it wasn't working. She might be growing weaker. There was a chance that even as strong as she was, Orochimaru was stronger. They could only hope that she had hurt him badly.

When the battle had calmed down enough that they could approach, they all took their soldier pills. Naruto took the pill Hinata gave him, never doubting her for a moment. They formed ranks and attacked. Rynata lay in her demon form near her enemy, with her coat bloodied and a great head wound that must have killed her. There was also a hole the size of a small building through her chest. Orochimaru was in a battle-formed amphitheatre, bleeding and panting heavily. When he saw them rush in, he began to molt. They sped toward him as quickly as possible, but they weren't fast enough. By the time the fighters were in striking distance, he had regenerated.

"What about it, Hinata?" Shikamaru asked over the radio. "What happens when he does that?"

"He regenerated, but I can see irregularities in his chakra flow. I think he's used a lot of his chakra, maybe 80%."

Shikamaru absorbed the new data and placed it into his calculations. "Rynata may have bought our victory with her life. That last 20% could still kill us all though; don't let your guard down. Everyone, you know what to do."

Kakashi had always felt that Anko's battle cry was one of the most disturbingly bloodthirsty, savage things he'd ever heard. Today, however, she was so intensely focused on Orochimaru she charged in silently with fierce Taijutsu moves. Kakashi and Naruto used simultaneous Chidori and Rasengan, but all three were almost effortlessly thrust back against the rock walls surrounding the depression made by the fighting demon and Sanin. Anko suffered a broken arm, and Naruto had a few broken ribs which the Kyuubi quickly healed. Kakashi had managed to land well, and escaped with only a few deep cuts and scratches. They were able to see the flanking move fail miserably as Orochimaru's sword swept toward Shino, Akamaru, and Kiba. Shino caught the blunt of the attack as a deceptively delicate upswing of the sword cleanly sliced his face off. The sheer force behind the attack pushed him up into the air to land by Kakashi and Naruto. Kakashi steeled himself not to react to the boy's death, and spared a glance to make sure Naruto was ready to fight. What he saw bothered him; Naruto's face was a complete blank, and he showed no emotion at his friend's death, but charged ahead as if losing a teammate was completely normal. Anko and Kakashi rushed forward as the back lines used various long-range jutsus.

When he saw Shino take the hit Kiba froze for just a second or two, but it was enough time for a snake thrust from Orochimaru's other arm to throw Kiba back, biting him as he went. Akamaru rushed to defend her partner, but she was crushed against a tree and lay quietly.

Orochimaru struck wildly, injuring some of the fighters, but missing most of them with his snake punches. Temari was bitten in the arm and collapsed from the poison, but not before she managed to use her fan as a projectile and score a direct hit on the enemy. He was barely damaged, but it was the first blood Konoha had drawn, and it gave them all just a bit of hope.

Because they were slightly behind Orochimaru, Sakura couldn't get to Kiba and Akamaru to help them, so she turned to Temari and used a poison antidote that Anko had helped her make for use in such a battle. Some color returned to Temari's pallid face, but Sakura knew she was out for the count.

She watched as Naruto, Kakashi, and Anko were thrown back repeatedly, getting up a bit slower each time and returning to the fight instead of getting medical help. She knew she could only get to them when they actually dropped. She was surprised at the mens' fighting techniques; they were nothing like their normal moves. Naruto had refrained from shouting threats and charging in with mass amounts of clones and was using a quick mixture of Taijutsu and Genjutsu attacks. He actually seemed to be holding back and attacking just after Kakashi or Anko attacked, using his moves when Orochimaru was defending himself from the other two fighters.

Anko was fighting just like she always fought, but she wasn't using any genjutsu. It was just as well she was avoiding mind techniques, Sakura decided. She could never match him at her level. Her broken arm didn't stop her from fighting though.

Kakashi was using nothing but Taijutsu at this point. He had even covered his Sharingan. Sakura knew he must have neared his chakra limit and was impressed that he had finally learned to control himself enough to avoid passing out from chakra exhaustion. She had no doubt though that if he thought it would kill Orochimaru he would even use his life chakra.

Kankuro had fallen a few minutes ago from a sword strike to the shoulder and a simultaneous snake strike to the leg. She had pulled him away from the fighting, placed him by Temari, and treated both wounds. When she was satisfied he was stabilized she turned to see Anko and Gaara down. Naruto and Kakashi were again rising to fight. She saw Kakashi stumble a bit, but he quickly regained his equilibrium and charged in.

Kurenai used her genjutsu to cause Orochimaru to see a false vision of Anko rising and attacking from the side, buying Naruto enough time to send a Rasengan right through Orochimaru's body. It was a risky move, but it paid off as Naruto's entire arm went through the Sanin, who looked down at his own chest with a surprised look. Naruto pulled back and Kakashi delivered a good leg sweep and a downward kick to the massive wound.

Orochimaru sent what looked like a blast of pure chakra at Kakashi and Naruto. They were once again sent hurling into the rock face, but this time only Naruto rose shakily as Kakashi lay crumpled at the base of the rocks.

As Sakura made her way toward Kakashi, she saw Orochimaru rise and heard Hinata yell, "Now!" over the radio. Shikamaru's shadow leapt out toward the unprotected missing ninja and just as he predicted, Orochimaru was too powerful to be held for more than a few seconds even in his weakened state. That few seconds was all Naruto needed to put a Rasengan directly through his head. The headless body fell, and Naruto spared no time in cutting up the body with Orochimaru's own sword. He took the small pieces and placed an exploding tag on each one after moving them away from each other. It was the best way he could think of to prevent regeneration.

Naruto, Sakura, Kurenai, Shikamaru, and Hinata were the only ninjas left standing. They quickly moved to get to the wounded and begin treatment. Sakura did a quick triage, trying to avoid looking at Shino's corpse. Kiba, Akamaru, Kakashi, Anko and the Sand trio were all unconscious, but Anko was already making some movement. Kiba, Akamaru, and Kankuro were seriously injured and in critical condition. A quick check of Kakashi assured her his life wasn't in danger, so she let him be for the moment. She moved quickly between the three worst injured, leaving the other ninjas to lend what assistance they could.

Sakura didn't like how Naruto was reacting to the battle. She was fighting her emotions to do what she needed to for her friends, and the others were clearly disturbed by Shino's death. Naruto however had a completely emotionless face, as if what was happening before him was no more significant than a weather report. Something was wrong with him, but she couldn't help him until the seriously injured were stabilized. She hoped he wasn't having battle fatigue. She didn't have any psychological training.

From Naruto's altered point of view, this had been a completely successful mission. The collateral damage was regrettable but acceptable compared to the massive victory the village had achieved. The ninjas who had survived were important assets, and their loss would have crippled the village for a time if they had died, but Naruto knew the village would recover.

Naruto assessed the situation. His mind was clear, and he could see the repercussions of the current situation thanks to Hinata's pill. He had become the perfect fighter, devoid of emotion and dedicated only to victory. His new-found clarity had showed him the error of his previously childish attacks and how to use his massive chakra to the best effect.

He also realized some important things about the people he cared about. He saw how foolish it was to chase after Sasuke, when he was only a missing-nin who should be killed for the village's protection. He knew that Sakura was not only outside of his reach, but someone he could truly love as a sister. Most surprisingly, he saw that Hinata had loved him for years, and he knew in a rational kind of way that he could grow to love her someday, although right now he didn't feel that or any other kind of emotion.

He left to find Shino's face and put it with the rest of the corpse to take back to Konoha. It was vital not to leave any part of his body for enemies to gain information from. As he looked at the mangled visage of his friend, he knew that he should be horrified and grieving, but he felt nothing. He recognized this as an effect from Hinata's pill, and decided she was definitely useful to have come up with such a powerful soldier pill. He brought the body to the woods where the other wounded were, but left it just out of eyesight of the other ninjas. He covered it with a cloth so it wouldn't bother the others and went back to the clearing.

He watched Sakura work. She was efficient and talented, and was able to keep the injured ninjas alive, although they weren't out of danger yet. Kakashi wasn't going to die, so he lay nearby, neglected and unnoticed in the furious activity. They other ninjas were helping Sakura by making bandages, placing pressure on bleeding bodies, and whatever else she needed them to do. Night had fallen long ago, and Anko held a flashlight so Sakura could see.

Naruto moved toward them to help when a dizzy spell hit him. He grabbed a tree to hold onto until the feeling passed. Suddenly he felt nauseous as the pill wore off and his emotions returned to him, as well as the side effects of the drug. Like a man who comes out of darkness into sunlight and finds his eyes overwhelmed by the difference, Naruto was overcome by the emotions he had repressed.

He pulled away from the group and sank to the welcoming roots of an oak at the edge of the clearing. Shino's death had new meaning, and he mourned his friend. Guilt at his coldness and uncaring acceptance of his friends' near deaths tore him up inside, and he succumbed to depression. He hugged his knees to him and hid his head, shaking and confused. The pill had harsh effects, and the world seemed to blur and become unreal to him. He stayed like this and remained unnoticed as the other ninjas worked to save the injured among them. Sounds faded away until he was left in his own dark world; even the damn fox was silent.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Aftermath

Kakashi woke up to a horrible headache and his usual sense of failure. His hair was matted with dark blood from a superficial scalp wound that had bled heavily, and it lay plastered to his face. He felt sticky with blood. After he checked on his mask out of habit, he sat up and surveyed the scene around him. He was briefly dizzy from blood loss, but that passed.

He had excellent night vision, so he could see Sakura's exhaustion as she continued to work on her patients. Many of the ninjas were down, but he assumed Orochimaru had been either beaten or - more likely - had retreated. Otherwise they would all be dead. He moved toward the group, hoping most of them had made it out alive. He stepped into the light of Anko's flashlight, only to be shoved back with a growl from the Snake-ninja. "You're injured. Go lay down." Of course, she was ignoring her own injured arm.

He stepped away, feeling that he'd be more use elsewhere. Even before the sharingan implant Kakashi had been an incredibly observant person, and he noticed Naruto wasn't in the group. He hoped the boy hadn't been overlooked and left on the battlefield. He'd seen it happen before in the chaos that follows battle. As he made his way out of the clearing he noticed Naruto by an old oak, sitting with his legs pulled tightly against his chest. He was noticeably shaking, and Kakashi was afraid he had been injured and was in shock. The Kyubi didn't always heal him; it just helped Naruto when it felt like helping him.

He crouched by the boy. "Naruto?" he asked. "Are you injured?" When he received no response, he pulled Naruto's head from his knees and spoke slowly. "Where are you hurt?" he asked, being careful to speak clearly.

Naruto blinked at him, but made no other response. Kakashi noticed that his pupils were dilated. Only genjutsu, head wounds, or drugs did that in his experience. If it was a genjutsu, Naruto might still be caught in it. He applied a small amount of chakra to release the genjutsu, if Naruto was caught in one.

"Do you know who I am?" he asked.

A blank stare met him for a few seconds. "Kaka-sensei?" Naruto asked hesitantly. He hadn't called him Kaka-sensei since he was a young student, his speech was slurred, and his response time was far too slow. Kakashi began moving his hands gently over Naruto's head to check for wounds. He'd done emergency first-aid many times.

"Whar you doin'?" Naruto drawled.

"Checking for injuries. You're not acting like yourself. Can you tell me what happened?" Naruto was covered in blood; Kakashi could only hope it wasn't Naruto's blood.

"'I'm not injured. 'Nata gave me something. Helped me fight, but I feel sick now."

"Lie down. I'm not sure you'd know if you'd been hurt. "When Naruto didn't respond, Kakashi carefully laid him out on the leaves. Naruto passively let him look after him, which worried Kakashi. Naruto didn't do anything passively.

He needed to keep Naruto talking. He began to systematically check his body for wounds. "What exactly did Hinata give you?" He knew that she would never intentionally hurt him, but he was concerned that in her naivety she might have accepted something from someone who wanted to hurt Naruto.

"Dunno. Soldja pill I guess. Made me smart."

That made sense. He had noticed that Naruto was using much more strategy than usual. He didn't just treat his body like a meat tank that healed quickly, and he had actually used some decent strategies.

When he had satisfied himself that Naruto either hadn't been injured or Kyubi had already healed him, Kakashi knew that the pill Hinata gave him must be having some serious side effects. "Stay here. I'll be right back." Naruto gave no response, but stared at the leaf canopy above him.

Sakura had treated everyone seriously injured and was resting. Everyone was sleeping except Anko, who stood watch. Kakashi found Hinata and woke her.

"Hinata," he whispered to keep from waking the others, "what did you give Naruto? It's making him sick."

Hinata immediately woke up and felt guilt at forgetting Naruto. "He was fine after the battle. Where is he?"

"Over here," he said, as they picked their way over sleeping bodies.

When she saw Naruto Hinata gasped and fell to her knees beside him. "This shouldn't have happened! There weren't supposed to be any side effects beside nausea, disorientation, and some slight depression."

Kakashi was exhausted, and he was nearing the end of his physical and mental limits, as well as his patience.

"What did you give him?" he snapped.

"Ibiki had a pill he said would help him think clearly and suppress his emotions for about four hours. Naruto gets so crazy whenever Orochimaru's involved. I just wanted to keep him alive." She started to cry silently.

Kakashi groaned and put his face in his hands.

"What is it?" Hinata asked. "Is it that bad?"

"If it's the pill I think it is, then yes, it is that bad. Ibiki used to take pills when he was younger, and they messed him up. It took him years to get that way, but Naruto's metabolism is messed up because of the Kyubi. There's no telling how it's affecting him."

"'Nata?" Naruto asked. "I'm not mad. You probably saved m' life."

"I'm so sorry," she said.

"Stay with him. I'll get Sakura." He stood up too fast, and the blood loss and exhaustion brought him back down to his knees, and then face first into the leaves near Naruto.

"Kakashi-sensei?" Hinata asked, alarmed at his sudden collapse. She turned him over and checked his pulse. Once she saw that he was breathing ok, she went to get Sakura.

Sakura wasn't happy to be awakened, but when she learned that something was wrong with Naruto, she hurried to him. He had fallen asleep, so she tried to do her work without waking him.

"His system is definitely out of whack. I think I can stop the drug's effects, but he's going to be exhausted and probably confused and weak for a day or so." Her green chakra flared as she began to remove the drug from his bloodstream.

"What's with him?" she asked, pointed toward Kakashi.

I don't know, he stood up and just fell over."

"Passing out almost seems to be his hobby. It's probably from exhaustion. I'll give him an exam when I'm done here." She looked back toward the sleeping ninjas.

"I would take us weeks to get back to Konoha in this condition. You're one of the fastest ninjas here. Run to the village and get medic nins; tell them to bring stretchers." Hinata nodded and flew toward Konoha.

Kakashi was cranky. Someone kept moving him around, and he couldn't quite wake up to tell them to leave him alone. Hospital smells overwhelmed his sensitive nose, so he couldn't tell who was bothering him by smell. Vague sensations were all he could feel: something cool on his face, his flak jacket and boots being removed, and then someone removing his headband. He felt a bit like he was floating, until that someone touched his mask and began to pull it away from his face. He panicked at the sudden undressed feeling and reacted without thinking.

His hand shot out and grabbed a small wrist, twisting it and applying just enough pressure to hurt but avoid breaking bones. "Don't do that!" he hissed. With the other hand, he pulled a damp cloth off his eyes.

"Sorry, Sakura. I didn't realize it was you." He released her arm, glad he hadn't injured her.

She rubbed her wrist. "I could have let an orderly do this, but last time you got a pet stalker. Remember? "Sakura was always amused at her sensei's reaction to anyone messing with his mask. He barely acknowledged the necessity of the medical ninjas to care for his face at times, and had asked that only Tsunade or Sakura see him without it. He said it was a family tradition to hide the Hatake face, but Sakura suspected there was some neurosis present. He was a strange one after all.

She continued to clean the blood off his face, and placed a new damp cloth on his forehead. "You're not hurt badly, but you have a fever. You had a small concussion as well, but nothing too serious. Almost everyone involved in the battle is down from exhaustion, and Tsunade-sama says you have to stay in bed for at least two days. Not much can be done about the hair; you'll probably have to cut it off, or you might be able to dye it."

"Dye it?" he said indignantly. "I'd never use dye on my hair."

Sakura gave him a knowing look, and he wondered how much she knew about him after the multiple times she had treated him after missions. Kakashi groaned; two days in a hospital was an eternity, and he liked his hair. He didn't really try to do anything with it besides dying it silver, but he knew women liked it, and the last time he had to cut his hair off he looked too much like his grandfather, who wore his hair short. It was creepy.

"How many did we lose?" he asked. This was the worst part of S-class missions, finding out who had died.

"Just Shino. His father is taking it really badly. The funeral's Saturday, so I think you should be well enough to attend."

"Shino was a good kid," Kakashi said. "We need all the Aburame's we can get. What about Gaara? Shouldn't he have been able to heal himself? I didn't see how he was taken down."

"Apparently, the raccoon is mad at him. Kankoro said Gaara hasn't been getting any demon help since he went on a date last week. I guess he has a jealous demon."

"Everyone else doing ok?" he asked.

"Jiryiah, Tsunade, and Anko are in mourning. Anko really isn't taking this well; she's been drunk since she got back."

"I didn't know she was close to Shino," Kakashi said. "She's usually not the emotional type."

"They miss Shino, but it's Orochimaru they mourn, "Sakura said, wringing out the bloody cloth.

Kakashi watched the pink-tinged water swirl in the basin as she wiped his face.

"There, now you look at least half-way human," she said with a smile.

"How's Naruto doing?" Kakashi asked, just in time to see a blur of orange and yellow burst in his door.

"Oji - Kakashi, you're awake!" he blurted loudly.

"Shh. This is a hospital!" Kakashi and Sakura said in unison.

"Sorry, sorry," he said, scratching the back of his head nervously.

"You feeling better, kid?" Kakashi asked.

"Yeah, Sakura nii-chan took what was left of the drug out of my system, so I feel fine now."

Sakura jumped a bit. "Sakura nii-chan? Since when did I become that?"

Naruto hugged her. "That pill made me smarter for a while, I guess. I see now that you really are like my sister to me, just like Granny Tsunade." He smiled.

Sakura glared and hit him. "Are you saying I'm old, baka?"

Naruto backed away, holding the knot forming on his head. "No, no," he answered hastily. "It's just that I know now we can't be together, but you are one of my special people." He didn't add that he was tired of being hit all the time.

Sakura smiled and hugged him again, even though he was backed against the wall trying to avoid the hit he thought was coming his way.

"I'll gladly be your sister, baka."

"I'm curious," Kakashi said. Why didn't Kyubi heal you?"

Naruto shrugged. "I'm not sure. I think it has something to do with that weird worm thing. Tsunade said the chakra might have affected my healing rate temporarily. Or it may have just decided not to heal me. He is a bastard."

They were interrupted by Gai making his typical loud, green entrance. "My eternal rival! You are awake after using your flames of youth to defeat the monster Orochimaru! I am glad you are well! This is definitely a point for you, but I will win it back!" He flashed a big thumbs-up sign and his toothy grin. Gai always spoke most dramatically when he was stressed.

Kakashi sighed. "It's a hospital Guy. Keep it down." My sister had to marry a drama queen, he thought.

"Sorry, ni-san." Kakashi still wasn't used to Gai calling him brother, but Gai loved the type of emotional closeness that threw the copy-nin into a book-reading, alone-time mood.

"I'm off to find Anko," Gai said only slightly quieter. "I've heard she's taking poor Shino's death to heart, so I'm going to go cheer her up."

"Gai, she's not the cheerful type," Kakashi said.

"Nonsense, my emo rival. I shall help her re-ignite the youthful flames with comradeship and sparring."

"Gai, don't. You won't…" the door shut as the Green Beast left on his self-imposed mission. "…survive."

Sakura asked, "Did he say sparring?"

"Yeah," Kakashi said. "He thinks physical activity is the best cure for anything. I hope he lives through his 'cure'"

Naruto fidgeted nervously. "Sakura nii-chan, are you going to be done soon? I need to talk to him," he said, motioning toward Kakashi.

"I'm done; we were just chatting." She bent down close to Kakashi's ear and whispered, "Your roots are showing, sensei." She smiled a wicked smile and left. Kakashi decided she had definitely been spending too much time around Tsunade. Naruto sat on the foot of the bed.

"Well?" Kakashi asked.

"Er…this is weird. Women like you, right?"

Kakashi was definitely caught off guard. "Noni? Where is this coming from?"

"Well, it's just that…um…I think I like this girl, but I don't really know how to tell her I like her, or what I'm supposed to do. I think she likes me. You always have women chasing you around, so I figure you could tell me some things."

"Shouldn't you be asking Gai about stuff like this?" Kakashi asked.

"I did, and I didn't understand a thing he said. He started crying and talking about how I was 'entering my youthful time.' Then he got out an old yearbook and made me look at all the pictures of my mom."

Kakashi laughed. "Alright, here's the way it goes. When a man and a woman care about each other deeply, or in some very lucky cases a man and a very flexible woman…"

Naruto made a face. "Na, I don't want that Icha Icha stuff. This is someone I really like."

"Really, care to say who?" He was curious.

Naruto turned bright red. "Hinata-chan."

"Really?" Kakashi was surprised. He knew the little Hyunga liked Naruto, but he wouldn't have thought she was his type. She was the exact opposite of Sakura, but maybe after constant battering from his temperamental teammate a little shyness was what Naruto needed in a woman.

"Interesting choice. Have you considered how the Hyungas are going to feel about this?"

"I don't think Neji will mind. I don't really know the rest of her family, except for her dad."

"Hinata's the Hyunga heir, Naruto. You've basically set your sights on a lesser princess."

Naruto's jaw dropped open. He really is bull-simple, Kakashi thought.

"I don't know if Hiahsi will let you date her," Kakashi said. He didn't want to tell him that he thought Hiahsi might not want them together because of the Kyubi.

Naruto's face fell as he considered this. Then he grinned and did the "Good Guy Pose", something he was doing far too often for Kakashi's taste.

"He'll definitely let the future Hokage date her though! I'll just have to do something spectacular to prove to him that I'll be the next Hokage. Believe it! Yosh!" he added, making Kakashi cringe.

"I have to go. I need to do something awesome. See ya for dinner when you get out."

Kakashi called him back before he could make it out the door. "Naruto, promise me something."

"Sure, what?" Naruto asked with a confused look.

"Don't start wearing green spandex. I might have to hurt you if Sakura doesn't do it first, and Saskue would laugh himself silly if we ever manage to find him."

"Why would I do that?" Naruto asked.

"Never mind, I'll see you for dinner next week."

After Naruto bounded out the door, Kakashi thought about his latest antics. Hinata? This was going to be either very good or very, very bad. Either way it was going to be a good show.

He stretched experimentally, trying out his muscles. Pain in a few areas – mostly the legs from too many chakra enhanced rebounds after repeatedly being sent flying into rock faces– but nothing a day or so in bed wouldn't mostly fix. His head was killing him though. A pleasantly curvy nurse came in with a smile. "Ah, Hatake-san. You're awake. Time for your pain meds."

He made the obligatory fussing about taking pain medication, because needing them wasn't something he considered "cool". Secretly, he was really relieved, though. As the pills kicked in and the pain slipped away, he began to think that this might not be such a bad day after all. With the meds no one would expect anything out of him, so he could finally get some rest. Now if he only had his book this would be perfect, he thought as he drifted off to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 The Puppet Master

Gai decided to quit trying to cheer up Anko after she drunkenly kissed him and then tried to kill him. He just hoped she wouldn't remember the kiss after she slept off her binge. He bought his wife flowers as a sort of apology, even though the kiss had definitely not been his idea, and he tried to forget the entire incident by training especially hard.

Kakashi was leaving the hospital a couple days later – still sore but ready to get back to light duty – when he saw Asuma helping a limping Gai into the hospital.

"Hello, my worthy rival," Gai said. "I seem to have over-trained myself, but I won't forget our latest challenge."

"We don't have a latest challenge, Gai," Kakashi said. He hoped they didn't, anyway.

"You've forgotten, my cool brother-in-law?" Gai said frowning. "I challenged you to be the first one to walk around Konoha fourteen times on your hands."

"We've done that one before, remember? You won." Kakashi hoped Gai wouldn't be able to think of anything new just yet. He wanted a couple of days to rest, just not in the hospital.

"Yes, but only because you hid in a tree after one lap. Next time I won't let you trick me so easily. I'm sure it was a part of a brilliant plan, but I caught you in time to win!"

Brilliant plan? How could someone be so dense? Kakashi hoped he never learned the answer to that question. He liked Gai, but he didn't understand him. His life was dull sometimes, and Gai was a big question mark right in the middle of it. He helped him forget Rin and Obito for a short time, and that was more than anyone but Naruto had ever accomplished.

"I have an idea," Kakashi said. If this worked he might not have to deal with challenges until his protesting leg muscles were back in proper working order.

"You have a challenge for me?" Gai asked. He started the dramatic tears. "This is a first in our relationship! What is the amazing task you set for us?"

Kakashi smiled and had to fight not to laugh. "It's a secret challenge. I'll tell you after you get out of the hospital." He walked home whistling to himself; at least he had bought some time. He heard Asuma behind him, trying to make his laugh sound like a bad cough.

Naruto had learned a lot training with Jiriaya. Even though he disapproved, he had learned a particular type of stealth from being continually dragged along by the old pervert. He hid in a tree and watched Hinata, Sakura, Ten-ten, and Ino eating lunch at a girly European-style cafe downtown. It was exactly the sort of place he hated most, but he had been trying to catch Hinata alone for the entire day. She probably didn't know, but she was very popular, and Naruto couldn't find a single moment when she wasn't surrounded by friends.

All the ninjas involved in "VO Day" as the day they killed Orochimaru was now called were given a full week off, and he wanted to make the most of it. After thinking about the new things he understood about Hinata, he was surprised he hadn't realized earlier how much she must care for him.

He noticed her poise and grace, and for the first time he really looked at her. Sakura would always be his first love, but next to her boyish manners Hinata looked exactly like the princess she was. Compared to Ino she was demure and shy, and bland Ten-ten didn't even enter the picture.

Naruto leaned forward as Hinata daintily wiped a napkin across perfectly shaped lips, and wished for nothing more at that moment than for his mouth to be that napkin. He didn't notice that the tree limb he was balanced on was dipping under him. With an ear-splitting crash he landed clumsily on his back just outside the café. He saw the girls –and everyone else – staring at him. A storm cloud was gathering on Sakura's face, and Hinata looked as if she was going to faint. Ino just smirked; in her arrogance she was probably sure he was spying on her.

"Oops," was all he could think of to say.

"Baka!" Sakura screamed, forgetting she was in a fancy restaurant.

Naruto covered his face in a pointless attempt to protect himself from Sakura's unnatural strength. "Don't kill me!" he said. "I was just trying to figure out how to ask Hinata-chan out for a date."

He waited for death for one, two, three long seconds, and when he didn't feel his face being crushed he lowered his arms to see a shocked Sakura. Her fist was still raised in the air, as if she had forgotten what she was doing.

"Oh," she said, lowering her fist and staring at Naruto. "That's…good, I guess." Was it just his imagination, or did she look sad? His thoughts were distracted when he saw Ino catching Hinata just as she fainted.

He rushed over to her, although he wasn't worried. She fainted more than Kakashi passed out from chakra loss, so it was a natural occurrence to him. Ino fanned her friend's face with a menu, and Naruto waited impatiently for her to wake up. He was worried. He could have been wrong when he thought that she liked him. What if she had fainted because the idea of dating him grossed her out?

As she woke up, he gulped and decided to go for it. "Hinata-chan, would you, uh, like to go out or something?" Ooo, not good, he thought. Kakashi would have been much smoother.

She turned bright red. "Hai Naruto-kun," she said. "That would be nice."

She rubbed her fingers together in a nervous way that Naruto had never noticed before, but which he found overwhelmingly cute. "We should probably not come here, though. I don't think they'd let me back inside."

He gave his best grin. "Awesome! I'll find us the most amazing place ever! Believe it!"

As he bounded off to find the most amazing place ever for a date, Hinata looked helplessly at Ino. "He forgot to say when the date is."

Ino doubled over laughing. This was priceless.

Later that day Naruto saw Sakura sitting by the lake.

"Sakura-ni-chan!" he yelled loudly.

"I wish you wouldn't call me that. I liked when you just called me Sakura-chan better."

He saw tear streaks down her cheeks. "Why? I thought you'd be happy. You don't like me chasing you around, do you?"

She shook her head and wiped her eyes. "It's not that. It's just that Saskue's gone, and even though I call him sensei occasionally, Kakashi's not our sensei anymore. The only thing that was left of team seven was you bothering me all the time. We're really broken up now."

"What about Sai?" Naruto asked.

"I meant the original team seven. And Sai will be on that mission for months more, at least. I just miss the way things used to be."

Naruto looked at her sadly, but then he brightened. "When we get Saskue back we'll be team seven again. Believe it!"

Sakura laughed and sniffled. "I'll believe it as long as you do Naruto," she said.

Even though he knew it was a dream it felt like a genjutsu to Kakashi. He could feel Orochimaru's presence in a way he had never felt in a dream, and the torture the Sanin was inflicting was very real. He kept trying to wake up, but something would stop him. Itachi entered with his sword and repeated their meeting in Konoha, only this time he tortured Team 7. He saw Tsunade tell him he was a worthless failure, and he watched helplessly as Obito died because of Kakashi's stupidity. It wasn't until Jiraiya entered the dream in a Kabuki dance that he was able to shake himself out of it.

He woke up sweating heavily, and with his kunai already drawn. He had cut his shuriken-covered comforter into shreds that were scattered all over his bedroom. That was some dream, he thought.

He splashed some water on his face in the bathroom and caught his reflection in the mirror. He hadn't been getting much sleep since they had killed Orochimaru, due to nightmares, and his eyes had dark bags under them. He noticed unhappily that he was starting to get small wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, and he realized with a sense of finality that he looked almost exactly like his father before Sakumo had committed suicide.

He felt restless, with a sense of urgency. Something was very wrong; he could feel it. A familiar chakra drifted through his mind from somewhere nearby, and he could almost identify it. Kakashi uneasily left the house in search of the chakra's source.

He wandered about aimlessly, searching through the village and he noticed Anko and Iruka up and about as well. Gai, Naruto, and Lee stopped him. He would have to talk to Tsunade about the lax sentries. This new group didn't even notice a group of ninja wandering about in the middle of the night. Granted, they were new, but that was no excuse.

"I know this chakra," Gai said. "I just can't quite place it."

"I feel it too," Kakashi said, "but I don't who is making this happen either. It's disturbing; I feel like I need to do something, but I don't know what."

Naruto nodded. "I know. It's like I'm all itchy inside."

"Should we get Tsunade?" Lee asked. "I think she'd want to know about this, don't you?" She sounded frightened.

"No," Naruto said, gazing westward toward one of the residential sections of town. "We shouldn't bother her."

Kakashi looked west and shuddered. He could feel that that area was where the chakra originated, and it was getting stronger slowly.

"We really should tell...," he began, but cut off his thoughts as drowsiness covered his mind. It was a good feeling, like the slight buzz he felt after coming down off a soldier pill right before the aftereffects hit – but much stronger. He had a strong urge to forget the whole situation and just let sleep overcome him. All the ninjas present had grown sleepy eyed, and Lee was even swaying on his feet.

"G'night," Naruto said, and wandered back slowly toward his house. The others followed suit.

Kakashi headed home, trying to remember why he had left in the first place. He felt like he had forgotten something very important. He tumbled into bed without even taking off his shoes.

He paid for his night-wanderings the next day when Tsunade caught him sleeping in her office while she was meeting with the jounins on this year's VK day (Victory over Kyubi). She was right in the middle of discussing security plans when she heard snoring and saw Kakashi bent over slightly. He was sound asleep and drooping a little. In short, he looked exactly like a drooling scarecrow.

Anko snorted in amusement, which just made things worse. "You think this is a joke, Mitarishi?" Tsunade snarled. She threw a paper weight at Kakashi, but she tempered the force enough to injure instead of kill the valuable jounin. His instincts woke him just in time to avoid her attack. He managed to barely dodge the missile, but he slid off the chair and landed on his rump in the process.

He looked about blearily and realized the gravity of the situation. "Sorry, Tsunade-sama. It won't happen again."

"Damn right it won't," she said. "Dismissed."

"Noni?" he asked. He'd never been dismissed from a meeting before. He must really be in trouble.

"Be back here in one hour, exactly."

"Hai, Tsunade-sama," he said and left. He was just glad to have survived her anger. He didn't know why he was so worn out, but he felt like he had just come out of a major battle. When he stood up he swayed a bit and had to steady himself with the wall, but he recovered quickly and left.

He arrived exactly an hour later- no sense tempting fate – and found her sitting calmly behind her desk sipping sake with a grace and dignity that only barely covered her flaring emotions.

"Wow she's hot," Kakashi thought, and then suddenly stopped the direction those thoughts would take him. No, bad Kakashi, he thought. No hitting on the dangerous old lady.

"Sit down," she said, which made him even more nervous because she never invited ninjas to sit in her presence. She didn't even have chairs in her office, mostly to help assert her own dominance. She would have some brought in for visiting dignitaries or council members, but Kakashi and the other ninjas always stood in her presence.

"I'd rather stand," he said nervously. He _really_ didn't like this.

"It wasn't an invitation, it was an order. Sit down before you fall down."

Crap, he was caught. He wasn't sure if she meant fall down from exhaustion or fall down from what she would do to him if he didn't. He sat down cross-legged on the hard-wood floor and awaited his fate. "You wanted to see me?"

She crossed over to him and glared down at him. At any other time he would have enjoyed the view, but he was too nervous at the moment. "Well, are you going to tell me why you couldn't even stay awake during a meeting and then could barely stay on your feet long enough to get out of my office. And while you're at it, why did I find Gai nodding off on a park bench, so tired he couldn't talk straight. What's going on with my ninjas? Several of you look like you just went on a three day bender."

"I don't know," he said. "I just woke up this morning feeling worn-out. I keep having this feeling like I'm forgetting something, and like I didn't sleep at all."

"Not good enough," she said and Kakashi was hit with a sharp pain as she slapped her hand hard against Kakashi's chest, pushing chakra into him and invading his spare frame with power. He gasped and his eyes went wide more from surprise than pain, although she made sure there was plenty of pain.

He fell back against the wall and fought to pull air into lungs that protested after having the breath knocked out of them. "What was that about?" he asked when he could breathe properly. He massaged his burning chest gingerly.

"Well, there goes my badly made clone theory. I thought maybe you two were just trying to get out of the meeting, but I guess there's more to it than that."

"Isn't there another way you could have found that out?" he said, sitting up into a more dignified position.

"Perhaps, except I didn't feel like putting in the extra effort for brats who fall asleep during security briefings." She looked smug.

"Point taken," he said.

"Report to the hospital and wait for me there. Something's going on, and I need to run some tests. The other ninjas affected will be there as well."

He started to stand but sat back down when the pain in his chest flared up. Tsunade placed her hand on the injured spot and performed a slight healing jutsu. "I put more into that punch than I meant to. You should be fine now."

As he left the room, he realized there had probably never been a "bad clone" theory. It was also unlikely that a medical ninja applied more pressure in a punch than was intended. They made their living from chakra precision. She probably just wanted to smack him for falling asleep in her meeting, something he intended to never do again.

Tsunade ran test after test and came up with nothing except physical exhaustion. All the ninjas affected were close friends or relatives, but there weren't any other common factors. They hadn't eaten the same things or even been in the same places the day before. It wasn't adding up, and Tsunade was severely bothered.

The next couple days were the same. Kakashi woke up both mornings out of his bed - once on the couch and once on the kitchen floor. All those affected reported the same type of activities, but Tsunade couldn't find anything wrong with them except for exhaustion. They were all ordered to bed rest, which even Kakashi didn't protest at this point.

The third day was the worst. Kakashi got out of bed only to fall back into it. At least he had woken up in bed this time, he thought. He wouldn't have been surprised to have woken up on his roof by now. As he tried again to get out of bed, he felt a pain in his leg and looked down to see a gash in his left calf. Where did that come from? His legs were covered in mud halfway to his knees.

He reported to the hospital along with the others. Naruto told him that he had woken up with muddy legs, and Gai said the same. Wherever they had gone, they had obviously shared the same nocturnal ramblings, and they had still managed to avoid the sentries. As they were waiting to be seen, all three fell asleep in the waiting room. They didn't see Anko, Lee, and Iruka wander in and sit heavily in the chairs nearest their sleeping friends.

No one woke up until Gai's name was called, and when he stood up his knees buckled under him. He sat on the floor with a surprised look for a moment, and then he righted himself and walked – with help – to an available table. He promptly fell asleep again, and he didn't wake up until Tsunade pinched him slightly to get his attention. She quickly decided that he was suffering from lowered cognitive function, but she still couldn't find anything wrong with him other than exhaustion.

"When's the last time you slept?" she asked.

"Last night, I think," he said. His voice was quiet and slurred – not like Gai at all.

"I'm starting to think this is some sort of bizarre insomnia. I'm going to give you all some sleeping pills. Take them and report back when you wake up tomorrow.

Kakashi, don't argue," she said as she saw him start to speak. "None of you can go back to active duty until I know what's going on here."

When he got home, Kakashi held the pills in his hand and looked at them ruefully. It was one thing to take pain meds to help legitimate pain, but this just seemed silly. Sleeping pills? No way.

He was about to throw them away when he thought about dealing with Tsunade the next day. If everyone else took the pills and slept well and he showed up at the hospital looking like death's pet project, she would be furious. He didn't want her to check for "badly made clones" again. He took the pills.

They were a bad idea. The nightmares Kakashi had this time were the worst he'd had since he had found his father's body. They were full of melting faces and accusations, and he felt like running from them. He didn't know why, but he felt that if he could just reach the top of the Hokage monument the dreams couldn't follow him there.

He ran, avoiding the (finally) alerted night sentries easily, and climbed to the top of the monument. As he looked down over the village the feelings of fear left him and he felt completely at peace. The colors around him were all wrong, but he wasn't going to let a few red houses and a purple moon interrupt what he felt was one of the most important moments in his life.

The scene faded from him and he was standing in his ancestral house. There was no rug covering the spot when his father bled to death; instead there was only the well-scrubbed wood floor, untainted by suicide. His father stood in the room with his arms open to hug his son. Kakashi suddenly felt much younger, and all he wanted was to hug his father. It was the most important thing in his world.

He stepped forward happily and was just about to embrace Sakumo when he felt one of Asuma's chakra enhanced kunai embed itself in his shoulder. He was brought forcefully back to reality to find himself standing on the Hokage monument, dangerously close to the edge. Wind whipped his unrestrained hair around his face, and he was surprised to find that he wasn't wearing his headband or his mask. His sharingan was open and draining his chakra slowly. He clapped a hand over his eye, but his panic at his masklessness was overcome as he saw Naruto topple off the cliff, falling with deceptive slowness toward death.

Everything seemed to happen at once, but Kakashi was a seasoned ninja, so he had learned long ago to take in a multitude of details at once. He was aware of ninjas climbing frantically up the slope toward them, as well as ones on the ground far below who were yelling at the ninjas on the rock face. Their words were lost in the wind.

The only way to stop a genjutsu is to use chakra at close range or to strike the victim. Projectiles flew in the wind toward the cliff-top ninjas, but most of them missed their targets. It would have been a difficult throw at best, and combined with the strong wind and the unwillingness of their friends to hurt their comrades there had only been one kunai that had hit Kakashi's shoulder.

He recognized the foggy after-effects of a genjutsu and sprang into action. He struck each affected ninja with just enough chakra to pull them out of the trance. He was known as the ninja who could split lightening for a reason, and he was so fast that when he was finished, Naruto was still falling.

He heard a sob from Gai and then watched in amazement as Tsunade rushed through the crowd of ninjas making amazingly fast hand signals. She performed her Ultimate Jutsu and the great snail summon appeared under Naruto. He hit the snail, which gave under him like a mattress and bounced, landing on his face near Tsunade. He didn't move.

Tsunade fell flat on her face, and Jiraiya moved quickly to cover her with his bathrobe. Kakashi couldn't see the details from this distance, but he knew that Tsunade would have lost her illusion of youth after expending so much chakra so quickly. The snail summon itself wouldn't do that to her, so he assumed she'd tried other tactics as well. It struck him that Jiraiya must really love her, because he would rather stand around in the middle of a group of his peers in his boxers than have Tsunade lose a shred of dignity by being seen at her true age.

Kakashi looked around the cliff at the other confused ninjas. They were all dressed for bed – Kakashi in plain grey sweat-pants, Gai and Lee in green pajamas, Iruka in pajamas with cheerful dolphins and a red blanket…

Holy crap. Apparently Anko slept naked. She walked over to Iruka and calmly took his blanket. She wrapped the blanket around her and wore it with the same fierceness as if she was covered in armor.

"What?" She snapped at Kakashi. He hadn't realized he was staring.

"Sorry, sorry," he said. "Just wondering what exercises you do for the stomach muscles. They work really well."

She ignored the lame cover and looked down the cliff. Medic nins were just crawling over the cliff-top, and he could see Naruto and Tsunade being lifted onto stretchers far below him.

"Hey," Iruka motioned towards Kakashi's shoulder. "You've got some red on you."

Kakashi wandered toward the hospital exit as slowly as he could move and still be said to be walking. He usually hurried out of the place as quickly as possible, but today he would rather face an army of nurses without his mask than face the task Tsunade had set for the ninjas affected by the bizarre jutsu. As soon as she woke up she ordered all the ninjas to report for a new assignment. She was angry that she had been forced out of her youthfulness for a time, but she was furious that her own ninjas were putting Konoha in danger. She understood they had acted unwillingly, but Iruka had almost killed a guard who tried to stop him, and Anko had left Kiba's older sister severely injured with a shattered knee and a cracked skull. There were numerous other injuries, some of them serious. Tsunade had reached the end of her patience, and she declared that she would find the reason for the occurrences if she had to tear the affected ninjas apart to do so. Kakashi hoped she was just being dramatic.

As he neared the check-out desk, he realized he could get away with checking on Naruto one last time. He headed back toward Naruto's room with a sense of relief. He could honestly say he was worried about his nephew; it was a valid excuse. Surely even Tsunade wouldn't begrudge him a quick look.

He always hated seeing a comrade in hospital, but this was one of the more difficult times he had visited sick or dying friends. Naruto was connected to various machines, and Gai sat near him with his head buried in his hands. Kakashi could hear Gai sobbing, and he felt sympathetic and uneasy at the same time. He patted Gai's shoulder awkwardly and sat by him. Gai was wearing a plaster leg cast. He had run down the cliff to get to Naruto so fast he had taken a bad fall. "Now is he?" Kakashi asked.

Gai raised his head and Kakashi saw swollen eyes holding a world of grief. It was wrong to see Gai without his annoying exuberance. "Kyubi's healing him. It seems slow, but Tsunade said he should be dead, so it might take awhile. Kyubi is basically rebuilding whole parts of Naruto's body. Even the slug couldn't protect him from that fall."

"Why the water-works then? He'll be fine. You know how Naruto is; tomorrow morning he'll be yelling and blinding us all with orange." He wasn't sure that was true, but it was probably what Gai needed to hear. It might be true; he could only hope at this point.

Gai lowered his head and pulled at his hair. "She's gone," he said quietly.

"Who's gone?" Kakashi asked. No one had disappeared that he had heard of, but when he was in the hospital he tended to get behind on the village news.

"Hurricane. She's gone and no one has any idea where or why."

"Noni?" Kakashi asked. Except for when she was on missions, his sister was the stay at home, unadventurous type. He couldn't picture her running off.

"Anbu tracked the chakra source to our house. They saw Hurricane on the roof, acting like she was in a trance. They said she was glowing and broadcasting chakra at a massive rate. When they tried to arrest her, she ran out of the village so fast even the Inuka dogs couldn't catch her."

"She was never a fast runner. That doesn't make sense."

"Tsunade thinks someone's using her. She thinks someone put an alien chakra into her, probably with a command of some sort hidden in her subconscious. She sent Anbu after her." He was silent as he watched Naruto's chest rise and fall. "They have orders to retrieve or kill."

Kakashi sat quietly with Gai and Naruto as long as he could, but when a nurse entered the room and glared at him, he knew he had to go. He didn't know her name, but he had had enough run-ins with her to know she wouldn't hesitate to sneak him sleeping pills to quiet him down when he was trying to get out of the hospital at what he considered a reasonable time. She'd done it several times already. As often as ninjas were injured, he didn't want her to have a grudge next time he had to deal with her.

He couldn't think of any more valid excuses, and he didn't dare give his crazy "a funny thing happened to me on the way to work" stories to his insane boss.

The assignment Tsunade had for him wasn't the worst that could have happened, but Kakashi knew he was about to have an unpleasant few days ahead of him. He made his way through police headquarters, through the holding pens, and down dimly lit stairs into the interrogation offices. He admired the way Ibiki had used every aspect of the room to intimidate his victims into confessions. The man was an absolute artist at interrogation. It didn't work as well on Kakashi because he knew the secrets of Ibiki's unique interior design, but it still made him uneasy. The furniture, choice of colors, and even the building materials had been painstakingly chosen for the best effect on a prisoner. Ibiki was a master of the art of fear.

He entered a room with gray concrete walls. The floor was stained, and there were no windows. The dominant feature of the room was a large metal desk, and a wall full of cheap, scratched-up filing cabinets. The room was almost as ugly as Ibiki's ancient secretary. Kakashi had never learned her name; he just thought of her as "the old turtle".

"I'm here for a psych examination" he said. It was a euphemism for interrogation, but at least there was a bit more dignity to the term.

She looked up and lowered her glasses so she could see him better. "You're late," she said. "Ibiki doesn't like to be kept waiting."

Crap. Out of all the psych-ninjas it had to be Ibiki. It wasn't that he wanted to hurt the other ninjas during the psych exams, but Ibiki just naturally had a much more heavy-handed approach than the other interrogators. When he had Ibiki for an examiner, Kakashi was usually bed-bound for at least several days, whereas after being done over by the other psych-examiners he went home with a bad headache and after a good night's sleep had little or no aftereffects other than a few days of lingering depression. Ibiki was a torturer, not a doctor.

The old turtle waved him toward a plain wooden door. "He's in there. Good luck; you'll need it."

The room was probably white at one time, but now it was a dingy grey with disturbingly bloodlike stains. A slight odor of urine and feces clung to the room, as if the fear couldn't quite be washed away. The only furniture was a cot and a card table with one folding chair. A small metal bucket sat near the cot. Kakashi shuddered and felt bile in his throat. He remembered from the last psych-exam why the bucket was present, and he just hoped it wouldn't be necessary today.

Ibiki sat in the chair, scowling at him. There were no windows, of course. He could hear the steady drip, drip of water echoing from another room. It was probably for water-torture for the minds that were too difficult to break by other means.

"You're late," Ibiki growled.

"Sorry," Kakashi said. "Naruto's really sick. I just stopped in to see him." He never lied to Ibiki; he was sure Ibiki could smell a lie, and the man had no sense of humor.

"How's he doing?" Ibiki asked. Kakashi was fairly sure that he wasn't that interested in Naruto's health. He was probably just trying to get Kakashi to relax, which wasn't working.

"He'll live, but the Kyubi's taking his sweet time healing him."

They made a bit of small talk, and finally Ibiki said, "alright, let's do this. You might want to lie down." He gestured toward the standard issue cot.

Kakashi reluctantly lay down, his long legs trailing over the end of the cot and hitting the floor. It was a bad sign. If Ibiki had provided a cot instead of a chair, he must have assumed that Kakashi wouldn't be walking when this was over.

"Do you know why you're here?" Ibiki asked.

"I was trapped in a genjutsu with some other ninjas and you're going to examine the experience to determine who is trying to attack Konoha."

"Ok, I'll need you to sign this." He handed Kakashi a few sheets of paper and a pen. He signed without even bothering to read them. They were the standard disclaimer stating that the Konoha ninja being interrogated released all rights to a fair trial and agreed to enter the mental asylum if said ninja's mind was permanently injured. It was all routine procedure.

Ibiki took out his notepad and scratched a few lines. "Tsunade wants me to thoroughly examine you, so this will be worse than usual. Anko, Lee, and Iruka have already been through this, and they had similar experiences, although they got the light treatment. Obviously Naruto is excused because of his injury, and we feel that Gai is in too fragile an emotional state to endure the exam."

Kakashi showed no emotion, of course, but he felt a little nauseous. He just hoped he didn't wake up in the hospital again. Sometimes he felt like he saw IV tubes more than he saw his own apartment.

Ibiki placed his hands on both sides of Kakashi's face and looked him in the eyes. "I want you to relax, and let me work my way to your memories. The more you work with me, the less sick you'll be when this is done."

Kakashi felt Ibiki's presence in his mind. At first it was just a feeling, like something forgotten or déjà-vu. Kakashi didn't know what Ibiki was doing, or what memories he was seeing. The first time he'd had a psych-exam; it had bothered him that someone else was accessing his memories without his knowledge. After a few times he had learned to think of it as any other mission. Both he and the examiner were doing what they could to serve Konoha, which made this a little easier for Kakashi.

Nothing made the exams any easier when Ibiki was doing them though, and today was no different. Ibiki hit resistance and upped the pressure on Kakashi's mind. Kakashi felt dizzy, and then it felt as if his mind was pulled apart with two hands. He felt exposed - similar to the few times he wasn't wearing his mask, and he panicked.

He tried to pull out of Ibiki's mental grasp, but he was caught in a vice-grip. It felt like something in his mind tore, and from a distance he could hear Ibiki swear. He could feel Ibiki begin to hurry, and Ibiki's own emotions were leaking into Kakashi. Kakashi could feel Ibiki's worry, and he knew that something had gone wrong. He could only hope that Ibiki found the information he needed to help the village.

From Ibiki's point of view, things were going normally until he hit the obstacle in Kakashi's mind. It was just like the other ninjas; they all had a block concerning the events of the last few days. When he tried to access those memories, he felt a chakra surge, and then there was nothing. It was the mental equivalent of static.

With the other ninjas, he had closed up their minds and withdrew. He had purposely waited for Kakashi before he would force the issue. He believed that Kakashi had the strongest willpower and mental faculties of the ninjas involved. Anko was already bat-shit crazy, Iruka wasn't strong enough to handle this, and Lee was too young. Contrary to popular opinion, Ibiki wasn't a monster. He didn't want Lee to endure such an intense psychic experience so young.

When he hit the obstacle he tried to push it aside to get to the memories he needed. He succeeded, but he could feel the alien obstacle struggling against him, trying to push him away from what he needed to find. He had no choice but to fight harder, and he felt a part of Kakashi's mind give way like a crumbling brick wall. Chemicals in his mind swung out of balance, and he felt that if he didn't hurry Kakashi would either have a major depressive episode or – and this was frightening – a psychotic break.

He retrieved the information he needed and backed out of Kakashi's mind, being careful to put everything back where he had found it. After a bit of thought he placed the barrier back as well. Kakashi was going to have enough trouble dealing with the exam without the added burden of remembering the disturbing events he had forgotten.

Kakashi felt Ibiki leave his mind, and he felt wrong inside. He hadn't felt this bad since his father had died. He pulled his mask down just in time to avoid vomiting on himself, and he was left staring at the bottom of the partly filled bucket. He would give his last Icha Icha book to never have to see that damn bucket.

"You should get some rest," Ibiki said. "We don't need this room today, so stay as long as you want. Report to Tsunade when you feel up to it." He patted Kakashi on the shoulder before he left. "Good job, ninja. Not many people would be cognizant right now."

The last thing Kakashi wanted was to stay in the psych room, but it was a good 30 minutes before he could convince himself to drag his body home. When he did he ignored his rumbling stomach and went straight to bed. He summoned Pakun, who was surprised when the elite jounin pulled him close and proceeded to fall asleep. Pakun whined and licked his face. He slept with his master as if they were pup and child again.

When Pakun awoke, Kakashi was still holding him. Kakashi was awake, but his eyes were troubled.

"You don't look so good, pup. What happened?" Pakun asked. He hadn't seen Kakashi like this in a long time.

"Psych exam," he said. "It didn't go so well. I think Ibiki really messed something up this time."

"That's not good," the pug said. "You should go to the hospital. Ibiki plays too rough for my taste."

"You're right. I'll do it later. I don't feel up to it right now, though." He went back to sleep, and when he woke up he released Pakun. Pakun didn't like to stay in the mortal realm for very long, and he might need the dog later. He didn't want to put the pug in a bad mood.

Kakashi was a loner by nature, so it was several days before anyone noticed anything was wrong. Tsunade assumed he was sleeping off the exam and would report in a couple of days. It wasn't until he didn't show up for the weekly jounin poker game that Asuma wondered where he was.

The lights were off at Kakashi's apartment, but Asuma could see the flickering light of the TV through the window. He checked for unfamiliar chakra signatures - just in case. There weren't any alien chakras in the apartment, but Kakashi's chakra felt odd.

The front door was unlocked as usual. Naruto and Kakashi both had a bad habit of leaving the doors and windows in their homes unlocked. Naruto was just a bone-head, but Kakashi rarely did anything on accident. Once Asuma had asked Kakashi why he did this, and he said that it saved time. In a village of ninjas, a locked door or window wouldn't keep an intruder out. It would just mean there would be a broken door or window to pay for. He didn't feel like cleaning up window glass for no reason. Asuma thought he was even lazier than Shikamaru, if that was possible.

Kakashi was sitting on the couch in the dark, watching an old Godzilla movie. Asuma came in and plopped on the couch.

A subdued "yo," was all he got out of Kakashi.

"So, missed you at the game tonight. Where have you been?"

Kakashi turned the volume down. "Been here. I just didn't feel like being around people, that's all."

That sounded alright, but something was setting off warning signals for Asuma. He turned on the light, and what he saw confirmed his suspicions. Kakashi's silver hair hung limply over his headband, and his t-shirt had obviously been worn for several days. His blonde roots were obviously showing badly, which Kakashi never let happen. He looked absolutely worn out.

"Dude, you don't look so good," Asuma said.

"I just had a rough psych-exam," Kakashi said. "I'll be alright in a few days. I just need to sleep it off."

"Alright, but you should probably go to the hospital if it doesn't get better soon."

"I'll do that. Thanks for stopping by." Asuma understood the not-so-subtle hint to leave. He'd check back later in the week, but Kakashi was a grown man and could make his own decisions. Asuma figured he'd know when he needed help.

When he came back a few days later, he wasn't sure Kakashi _would_ know when he needed help. He lay on the couch listlessly and barely acknowledged Asuma's presence. He had lost weight, and he looked more like a scarecrow than ever.

"When's the last time you ate?" Asuma asked. He hoped Kakashi wasn't suddenly becoming Anorexic. Jounins always got stranger as they got older. It wasn't unknown for them to suddenly develop new neurosis.

"I don't know. Look, I don't need a nurse. I'm fine, just a little under the weather."

"I don't know what you are, but you're definitely not fine." He went to the kitchen to fix some food and found the usually tidy area an absolute wreck. Kakashi was normally a clean person, so Asuma was surprised to find overflowing trash and a rotting fridge. He managed to find a can of chicken broth and heated it up, but Kakashi wouldn't eat more than a few spoonfuls.

"There," he said. "I ate. Would you leave me alone now?"

Asuma knew it was the illness talking. "Sure, but I'm going to check on you after I get back from my mission, ok?"

"Whatever," Kakashi mumbled. He turned the volume back up, and Asuma left.

When Asuma returned from his mission he brought reinforcements. Kakashi was rudely awakened – this time he had actually made it to his bed – by an angry Sakura.

"Kakashi!" she snapped. "Why didn't you tell someone you were sick?"

He pulled the blankets over his head. His dirty hair stuck out over the blankets like a flattened silver pineapple.

"I never tell anyone when I'm sick because something like this might happen. I'm a grown man, Sakura. Quit making such a big deal over a little post-torture malaise. I just need a few days rest."

Sakura's noticed that he used the word torture instead of the more socially acceptable word exam. He must be feeling really bad. Her face became calculating. "How long has it been since the exam?"

"I don't know. I think it's been a few days. Why?"

"It's been over two weeks now, and from looking at you I don't think you've eaten much or gotten out of the house at all." Sakura hoped he would cooperate. She hated to see him like this.

He pulled the covers back down so he could look her in the face. "Really? It's been two weeks?"

"More than two weeks," Asuma said.

"Alright, I'll go to the hospital," he said.

Sakura picked something up off the table. "I see you also have a summons from the Hokage dated two days ago. You're lucky she's really busy right now; she must have forgotten you."

"I'll take care of it." They left and conferred outside. They both agreed not to tell him the details involved in his sister's case. There was no point in depressing him further.

The next day when Asuma came to the hospital to pay him a visit, he was informed that no Hatake Kakashi had checked in that day. Asuma left, furious. He stormed into Kakashi's house in a foul mood.

"Kakashi! What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Sleeping, obviously. What time is it?" Kakashi asked.

"It's after 10 at night, and you said you'd said you'd go to the hospital today."

"If it's only 10 it's still today." Kakashi said. It seemed perfectly reasonable to him.

"Ok," Asuma said. "That's enough. Get up. Now." He grabbed Kakashi's Icha-Icha Paradise book off the nightstand.

Kakashi suddenly found some energy. "Hey, that's crossing the line!"

"I'll give it back at the hospital. That way I know you'll actually go."

"I'll kick your ass," Kakashi said. "How about that?"

"If you can do that than I'll admit you're well enough for me not to bother you. Bring it." He assumed a ready stance, just in case. Even if he was sick, Kakashi was a force to be reckoned with, and Asuma had just taken his precious book.

Kakashi got out of bed and tried for his book, but Asuma easily deflected his clumsy moves. He spun Kakashi around and pinned him against the wall with his arms behind his back. Kakashi was breathing heavily and his legs were visibly shaking. He was even paler than usual.

"It's hard to fight when you don't eat, huh? Look at you. Your reflexes are soggy and you can't even dodge properly. You'll never get back to active duty like this. You know better than this; I don't think you're in contact with reality. If Tsunade sees you like this, you'll be lucky to ever see another mission."

This finally got through to Kakashi. Life as a civilian would be unbearable. "Alright, I'll go." Just to be sure, Asuma escorted him there.

Once he got to the hospital he was a model patient. He didn't complain, try to escape through windows, or seduce nurses. He didn't even try to freak the nurses out by making erotic origami with the notepaper left on the bed-stand. He just lay quietly and submitted to test after test: blood tests, urine tests, reflex tests, chakra tests, and an MRI – just to name a few.

Through the whole process he didn't speak unless someone asked him a question, and then he only answered in short sentences. This worried Sakura. On one of the rare occasions when she found him awake, she entered and tried to be as comforting as possible. Comforting people wasn't her strong point, and she knew it. She gave it her best shot though; she really did care for the old badger.

"Kakashi?" she asked. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

"I need a little more than that. Your tests came back, and they don't say you're fine. They say you are suffering from malnutrition and a chemical imbalance in the brain. You also have a chakra imbalance that could be dangerous if it's not attended to."

"Are you telling me Ibiki messed me up that bad?"

Sakura squeezed his hand, which he didn't like. Why did she have to be so over sensitive?

"I'm afraid so. You slipped through the cracks a bit. Ibiki sent his report in, and Tsunade decided to give you a few days to sleep it off. When you didn't come in, she sent a summons, but she forgot about it with VK day coming up. I'm so sorry."

"Can it be fixed?" he asked, and yawned.

"Yes and no. The chakra imbalance can be taken care of with a few weeks of special training and medical jutsus. We've got you being fed intravenously, but you need to eat when you can. Another week of this would have changed your diagnosis from malnutrition to starvation."

"What about the chemical imbalance?" He knew the answer to this, but he hoped things had changed since he was a kid.

"They'll probably put you on the same anti-depressants you were on when you were younger. Did they work?"

"They worked eventually," he said. He didn't mention the side effects. Medical types discounted side effects unless they caused physical damage.

"We'll start there. In the meantime, between the depression and the chakra imbalance you're spending way too much time in bed. Once we've got you eating properly you're going home. Try to get some exercise."

"Alright," he said. He was way too subdued for her taste. She hoped she would see some fight in him soon.

Naruto came bounding into the room. "Oji-Kakashi," he yelled, "you're awake!" Kakashi noticed that even though he was trying to appear cheerful, Naruto had obviously been crying.

He grimaced. "Tone it down, Naruto. This is a hospital."

"So what happened?" Naruto asked.

Kakashi explained the psych-exam, which Naruto had thankfully been exempted from. He saw the blond trying to work through this one.

"So you're saying Ibiki broke your brain?"

"Basically," Kakashi said. "I'll be alright. It's just going to take a little time. How's your mom?"

Naruto hesitated. "Fine. She's fine."

"You're an awful liar Naruto. What's going on?"

He looked confused. "I'm not supposed to talk to you about mom until you get out of the hospital. She's not doing so good, though. That's all I can say."

"I understand. Orders are orders. I'll see if I can't wheedle some information out of some of the younger nurses. A couple of them would do anything for me. Now get lost. I'm tired and that shirt is so loud it hurts my ears."

Naruto looked at his bright orange shirt. "It's the same one I always wear."

"Yeah, but it seems louder today."

It took some days for the anti-depressants to work, but when they did Kakashi was happy to eat solid food again. He wouldn't say he felt good, but he definitely felt better. The only problem he was facing right now was some hallucinations, but that had happened after his father's death as well, and they went away with some treatment the last time. What were a few voices in the head, after all? He always lived with Obito's, right?

Tsunade had told him to take as much time off as he needed – something unheard of from the efficient bureaucrat – and he decided he could rest a week and then go to a psych-nin. As long as he didn't have to talk to Ibiki he would be fine with accepting treatment for the hallucinations. He didn't hold anything against the Chief Interrogator, but Kakashi would be happy not to see him for awhile.

He had to spend most of the day cleaning his stinking apartment. He couldn't believe he had lived like this. He would have to go shopping later; he had very little food left.

About seven that night Asuma showed up on his doorstep with a bag and a sad look. "Hey, can I crash here for a couple of nights?" he asked. "Kurenai and I had an awful fight and she kicked me out."

"Again?" Kakashi asked. "Are you sure you haven't been sent to look after me? I got treatment; I'm fine now." It was close to true, if you didn't count the voices.

"I said something bad about her mom, and you know how pregnant women get." Ok, that was likely enough. Asuma hated Kurenai's mom. At least once a year, Kakashi let Asuma stay at his place after he was kicked out, and the two of them got drunk and bemoaned the weirdness of women.

"You can stay, but I can't drink on the meds." That was his least favorite side effect.

"That's cool. I was planning on working on some paperwork."

"Oh, and we're not sharing a bed. You get the couch. I remember the last mission that we shared a tent on, and I'm not waking up as little spoon again."

Asuma colored brightly. "That was an accident. I thought you were Kurenai in my sleep." He let it go. It was an uncomfortable memory for both ninjas.

Gai felt that youth had completely and utterly betrayed him. Hurricane was still missing, and Tsunade was reluctantly considering marking her officially as a missing nin. Lee and Naruto were both on missions when he needed them most. They had asked for leave to look after him, but they were told that with Kakashi down Tsunade couldn't grant any more extended leaves. They didn't know, but Kakashi took an unusually large number of missions. It was better than sitting home alone, listening to the ghost in his eye.

Gai threw himself into his training, even more so than before. He just couldn't think of anything else to do between missions. He decided that when Hurricane came back – he still believed she would return – he would cut back on training and make sure to spend plenty of time with his family.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Yay! Thanks so much for all the reviews. They keep me writing. Torture warning here. Also, I'm so hot for Kakashi.

Chapter 6: A New Challenge

He knew she was gone, but the full details of Hurricane's disappearance were kept from Kakashi – on Tsunade's orders – until she was sure he was well enough to handle them. She wasn't sure about his mental stability after Ibiki's foul-up, and she wasn't taking any chances. The last thing she needed was for him to have a complete melt-down; the partial crack-up he'd had was bad enough. The village needed him, and even though she'd never admit it, she had a soft spot in her heart for the brat.

When Kakashi requested missions again, she had the office give him the run-around for a few days, but when he started sitting in the office all day reading and freaking out the on-duty administrative ninjas, she decided he was ready to get back to work. She was glad to see he had gained some weight back, and he looked relatively healthy – as healthy as a scarecrow could look, at any rate.

"I don't have a mission for you yet," she said. "This is more of a briefing, really. The results of your exams were…disturbing."

"That's an understatement," he said, "What happened?"

"Obviously, you were being manipulated by an outside force. The disturbing part is that force was your sister."

He straightened up from his usual slouch. "Noni? Why would she do that?"

"We're not sure. Ibiki could trace the compulsions you were placed under back to her, and we recognized the original source of the chakra, but beyond that he has very little to go on. I've been place under pressure from the council. I'm sorry, Kakashi, but she's been designated as a missing-nin."

Kakashi just nodded. He didn't need to say anything, because there was a perfect understanding on issues like this between himself and Tsunade. He wouldn't believe Hurricane would ever betray her village, but if he was given the order he would kill her.

He would always believe in her innocence, no matter what evidence was brought to bear against her, but he was just a tool of the village. He had little more rights than his dogs when given an order. In short, he was Tsunade's summon.

She seemed to read his thoughts. "If it comes down to it, you won't have to kill her. I'll send someone else if we locate her," she said gently.

"Thank you, Hokage-sama," he said, and wondered if the Kage's before her would have been so understanding. He doubted it. Even if they had wanted to spare an individual, they wouldn't have excused the top ninja from a mission that needed him, and this mission would need him. He chalked it down as one of Tsunade's weaknesses. She might be one of the most powerful ninjas in existence, but she had a dangerous tendency toward indulgence in certain aspects of her job.

Gai and Naruto had been avoiding him since Naruto's uncomfortable visit, and he knew why. They were heartsick over Hurricane's loss, and his own illness was too much to handle in their grief. He hadn't been left alone, though. He had Asuma. He had finally moved back in with Kurenai, but he kept showing up with lame excuses to check on him.

Kakashi showed up at Gai's house one Monday night, unannounced and an hour late for dinner, to find Gai aimlessly tossing playing cards at an old hat.

"Yo," he said, and plopped down on the couch beside Gai.

"Kakashi my eternal rival!" Gai shouted. "How wonderful to see you back in youthful health!"

It wasn't the Gai that Kakashi knew. The cheerfulness was forced, unnatural.

"You don't have to pretend for me," he said. "Tsunade told me about what happened to Hurricane."

"Good," Gai said. "I'm glad you know. We've missed having you around."

He didn't actually say "I needed you here," but Kakashi felt that's what he really meant.

"Any news?" he asked.

"Tsunade thinks she'd in one of Orochimaru's old hideouts. She said the chakra coming from Hurricane was almost exactly like Orochimaru's."

"He's dead. There's no way he lived through what we did to him. What is he, some kind of vampire?"

"He's dead, but Ibiki said he thinks Hurricane's mind was tampered with when she was in the lab. There were a couple cases in Suna where Orochimaru implanted a strong hypnotic impulse that no one knew about until the ninjas started betraying the village. Tsunade did say she'd been tampered with more than the other ninjas."

Shikamaru's analysis is that Orochimaru used her as a time-bomb. She must have been set to kill people after his death. The only ninjas affected were the people closest to her."

"Then why so long after his death?" Kakashi asked. "What's changed?"  
"Kabuto," Gai said. "We haven't heard from him since Orochimaru's death, and Shikamaru thinks Kabuto activated the jutsu.

They ran out of things to talk about, and Gai started pitching cards into the hat again. Kakashi was concerned for Gai.

"Gai," he said, "I challenge you to a contest of wits!" He couldn't believe he was doing this, but Gai had never turned away from a challenge in his life.

Gai stopped throwing cards, but he didn't look Kakashi in the eye. "No. I'm done with games for awhile."

Kakashi couldn't believe his ears. Did Gai just call their rivalry – the one they'd almost killed themselves over numerous times doing silly stunts – a game. This called for drastic measures. He hoped it wouldn't backfire.

"You can't pass this one up, though," he said. "I challenge you to be the one who brings her home."

Gai looked him in the eye, and Kakashi thought he saw a bit of the old spark in there. "You're on."

They did find her, after extensive spying and an enormous amount of searching. Three months after Hurricane's capture, Tsunade received intelligence that another of Orochimaru's labs had been found, and there was a possibility that Hurricane was inside. Shikamaru gave a 63% chance she would be there.

An Ambu had stumbled across the lab's location as he was doing a sweep of a swamp two days from Konoha. It was just one of the many shot-in-the-dark searches conducted in remote areas; most of them were on Shikamaru's whims. This one he had given only a 21% chance of having a hideout. The Anbu felt a quick surge of chakra that he recognized as the same chakra blast from the night Hurricane had controlled other ninjas in the village and almost lead them to a messy death. He located the general entrance, but avoided actually confronting Kabuto. Then he headed home as fast as possible.

Tsunade immediately sent a squad after Kabuto; she had been prepared for this almost as soon as Hurricane was taken. She was only part of the reason for the full-scale assault. Kabuto was an extremely dangerous loose end. Only after his death could Konoha finally be freed of Orochimaru's taint.

Shikamaru was in charge, and it didn't take the tactical genius long to locate and disarm the various traps around Kabuto's base. He stopped outside the metal door that now lay uncovered and vulnerable, the metal smoking in a midst of burnt vegetation and other debris. They had used explosive tags to clear away the traps around the door, but the swamp was held back by some impressive jutsus. Orochimaru had been so creative; it was a pity he was so mad. Smoke rose from the door with a deceptively peaceful look.

Shikamaru motioned behind himself with the signs for "dog" and "K". Kiba and Kakashi moved forward, Kiba ready for action, and Kakashi his usual slouching self. He hid his excitement from the younger ninjas. No sense in them getting more wound up than they already were.

Shikamaru used a signaling mirror to alert the reserve squad on an eastern hill that they were about to go in. The element of surprise was nonexistent, but he hoped that Kabuto was still unaware of the ninjas he held in reserve, who hadn't used their chakra yet and so might be undetected so far, if they were very lucky.

He would have to keep an eye on Kakashi and Gai. Kakashi had been unusually grim – even for him, and Gai had been almost manically cheerful. Shikamaru wondered if Tsunade had been wise to send family members on this mission. At least she had kept Naruto in Konoha; he would have been impossible to deal with. She had held Hinata back as well, privately suggesting that she "distract" Naruto. Hinata had blushed and stammered, but she was obviously happy to accept the mission. He had put Kakashi on the advance team and Gai on the backup team, partly to separate them. He didn't want them feeding off each other and doing something stupid during battle. He thought they were the type to take unrealistic chances to protect someone they loved, and he couldn't take the chance.

Neji used his Byakugan to peer deeply into the hideout. "There are fifteen more traps, total. Seven of them are concentrated in a circular formation about a half click due west. There are three traps between us and the circle, but those are just the ones using chakra. I can't tell if he's using any purely mechanical traps."

Shikamaru did some rapid calculations. "It's unlikely; mechanics just aren't his style. He's most comfortable dealing with subterfuge and his own jutsus. He's probably not in the chakra-heavy area. I'd give an 82% chance it's just a decoy; he's probably waiting in one of the less protected areas, counting on us overlooking his hideout and waiting for us to head toward the traps."

"Then what?" Kakashi asked. "Do you think he'll remote detonate? That seems too straightforward for him."

"It is too straightforward. I think he's using delayed chakra traps, to keep Neji from sensing them."

Neji looked even more unhappy about this than his usually unhappy look. "Then he expected me. He's a few steps ahead of us, it seems."

Shikamaru fiddled with an unlit cigarette in his mouth. "He is the spider and we're the flies in this scenario. He probably had this planned before he even used Hurricane the first time. We need to be careful; I think he might be after one of us."

Akamaru growled slightly. "Which one of us?" Kiba translated for her.

"I've been thinking about this," Shikamaru said. "Given the nature of Orochimaru's experiments and Kabuto's obsession with those experiments, there's a 73% chance he's after Kakashi."

"Noni?" Kakashi asked. "Why would he come after me now? He's had the chance before."

"Sure, but Orochimaru wasn't dead before, and Kabuto was working on his orders, which didn't include you. Kabuto's a genius, but he's almost entirely without ambition. I think he's probably much less sane than he was when Orochimaru was alive, and I believe he'll try to continue the experiments out of a sense of obligation toward Orochimaru."

"Sure, but what does that have to do with Kakashi?" Kiba asked.

"It's simple, really. Orochimaru was obsessed with the sharingan. He spent a large part of his life preparing to get it for himself, and I think Kabuto has determined that Kakashi would be easier to capture than Itachi or Saskue. He probably wants the sharingan for himself, out of some sense of duty to Orochimaru."

Kakashi remembered the last time he fought Itachi. Both Saskue and Itachi, who he thought of as the "legitimate Sharingan users" could beat him in a fight. It made sense that Itachi would come after him, instead of going after the ninjas with a genetic disposition towards sharingan use.

"So, he used Hurricane to lure me here?"

"Basically," Shikamaru said. "I tried to talk Tsunade into leaving you in the village, but she said that targeted or not, if we didn't have you it severely lessened the chance of a successful mission. I agree; it would lower the mission success chance to 20%. That's unacceptable. We have a 70% chance of survival with you here."

"Well," Kakashi said, "we've got what we've got. No sense worrying about things like that. How are we going to root him out? He has all the advantages."

Shikamaru smiled, crossed his legs, and sat down. "Not all of them. He lacks something very important – patience. It doesn't do a spider any good to have the best web possible if the flies never fall into it. If we wait, he'll come to us."

They sat for over an hour, each ninja in full readiness the entire time. Even Akamaru didn't fidget. Neji had to deactivate his Byakugan, or it would have drained his chakra before the battle even began. The first attack was a flurry of chakra-infused scalpels that were effortlessly dodged by the Konoha ninjas. The attack didn't give Kabuto's position away, but a fog settled over them.

"Genjutsu!" Shikamaru yelled, and Neji activated his Byakugan, but it was too late. The dark and powerful jutsu settled over them like molasses on an insect, and trapped them just as efficiently. Even Kiba, who was usually able to shrug off such techniques easily, was caught. It was like nothing any of them had ever been exposed to. It was as if Orochimaru himself were back among them, but the chakra was clearly Hurricane's. The technique was so strong it almost felt as if it had its own life-force. There was no escaping. Darkness swirled and grasped at them.

When he regained consciousness, Shikamaru couldn't feel the chakra anymore. He couldn't feel Kabuto's chakra either. Discarded scalpels dully reflected the yellowed moonlight. As the others awakened, he noticed they were short one Hatake Kakashi.

"This is troublesome," he said. He wasn't sure which bothered him more, the loss of a trusted and valued comrade, or that Kabuto had outwitted him. He did know this, though. Kabuto was gone, and he had two Konoha ninjas with him; Shikamaru would make sure Kabuto would die.

Kakashi was surprised to wake up tied to a bed, and not tied to a bed in a good way. He was in a lab, and various feeding tubes and monitors were connected to him, exactly as if he were in a hospital bed instead of in a madman's labyrinth. The other beds around him were empty, and their monitors sat lifeless.

Kabuto's back was turned to him as he quietly but intensely worked at a lab table, measuring various liquids and comparing the results. He held up a tube to look at it against the light, and it looked as if it held blood. Kakashi shuddered as he thought of all the devious uses a mad medic nin could have for another man's blood.

Kakashi could feel his sister's chakra powerfully in this room. Various chambers held victims in stasus. They were held in suspension in life-giving fluids at Kabuto's whim. A couple of the victims were hideously disfigured – obviously attempts to manipulate the curse seal. One of the chambers was covered with a tarp, but the others showed their horrors unashamedly to the world. Kakashi was sure his sister was under that tarp.

Kabuto turned and walked to Kakashi's bedside with deliberate slowness. He frowned and ran his hand around Kakashi's Sharingan eye. Pain lanced from his touch, and Kakashi wondered what experiments had already been done on his eye. He could feel cloth over it, and it was encircled with pain. He wondered if Kabuto had already removed the eye.

Kabuto laughed, and there was more than a bit of madness in the sound. "Oh, Kakashi," he said, and cupped the unmasked chin in his hand so he could look the glaring ninja in the eye. "Konoha's going to pay for Orochimaru-sama's death, and I'm going to use you to make them pay."

Kakashi knew he couldn't resist the power of the jutsu that was used earlier and his training on this matter was specific. With a quick hope that Rin or Obito would meet him on the Other Side, he bit down on the false molar that had been implanted when he entered Anbu, only to find a hole where the explosive tooth should have been.

Kabuto patted Kakashi's cheek in an oddly affectionate manner, and then slapped him. "Missing something? That won't help. You're not only going to give me all of Konoha's secrets, you're going to give me that Sharingan as well when I'm finished."

Kakashi prepared himself for what he knew was coming. He hadn't had time to prepare with Itachi, but this time he would be ready. It only took a few seconds, and Kabuto was giving him those seconds because he felt the need to be dramatic. Kabuto headed back toward the table, lifted a needle filled with an amber-colored fluid and allowed a bit to squirt out the top. He flicked the tip of the needle gently and turned toward his victim.

There were several very useful methods to deal with torture. Kakashi had already begun the deep meditative trance that would protect him from Kabuto, at least in his mind. This was an old jounin trick. Years before, a psych nin had shown him how to build a wall in his mind, effectively creating a separate world to protect his mind.

Brick by brick he built a wall between himself and the outside world. As he laid the last few bricks in his mind, he felt the needle enter his skin. He retreated into his self made world, grateful that he would be spared the indignities of Kabuto's imagination. It didn't matter what happened to his body now; he would just wait until he was rescued, or – more likely – killed.

He looked around the blank room with the gray brick walls. This wouldn't do. He turned the room into a replica of his apartment's small living room, and laid on the couch, long legs dangling over the end.

Kakashi turned his mind to the problem of what to do until this was resolved one way or another. There was a lock built into the lower left brick that only the psych-nins knew how to access. During his jounin training he had lived a week in this type of scenario. When the psych nins had unlocked the key-brick and the wall had tumbled, Kakashi hadn't known if he'd been in the mind-room for a day or a week or a year. Time was truly subjective here.

He turned on the TV, but it was unfulfilling. The movies were fragments of his own memories of other movies, and he never could remember the whole plot of a movie. His mind moved too fast for a movie to completely capture his attention. Godzilla kept getting mixed up with Die Hard, which quit being funny after a couple of scenes.

He turned the TV off and tried to remember what he had done to kill time when he was here before. He watered Mr. Uki, even though he knew the plant wasn't real, and finally settled on starting a novel. That was how Jiryiah had begun the Icha-Icha series, after all. He had told Kakashi that he had used the week he was stuck in this training to write the entire first draft.

Kakashi decided to write a romance. It would have the best of all the women he knew: Sakura's big heart, Ino's beauty, Anko's passion, and of course Tsunade's boobs. The hero would be himself, but with blonde hair. The silver hair would be too obvious. He would add some more muscles and maybe a goatee. Ooo… no. On second thought, no goatee.

He had no idea how long he was locked away, but he had enough time to get tired of writing, make a ping-pong table, get bored with that, write some more, play beer-pong with an imaginary clone, and find out he couldn't get himself drunk in his own mind, write some more, and finally create a truly epic house of playing cards. Just as he was adding the last card a good five feet above the floor and covering a massive seven decks of cards that were arranged like the Hokage tower, he heard a scratching sound.

The cards tumbled, but he didn't pay any attention. He knew that sound; it was a key in a lock. He allowed the room to dissolve and sat expectantly, waiting for the psych-nin to release him. He could only hope Kabuto hadn't damaged his body too badly.

He'd never been so happy to see an ugly bald man in his life. The man smiled, adjusted glasses on a thin nose and said, "hi Kakashi. My name's Dr. Haruno. You're safe now, so just rest. The medic nin is on her way, and we'll get you home soon."

Kakashi remembered Dr. Haruno; he was Sakura's uncle. Upper level training included what to do in the case of torture rescue as well. He relaxed and let the psych-nin take charge. As much as he wanted to jump out of the bed and tear through the trees on the way home, the other man was commander in a mission such as this. Not only that, medic and psych nins were bad about administering sedatives to ninjas they considered impaired, and he didn't want to be sedated right now. He didn't remember Dr. Haruno wearing glasses, though.

Sakura came in with her med-kit handy and shoved past her uncle. She was all business, no girly crying or exploring her feelings or (ugh) his feelings. She placed her hands over his chest and began her preliminary examination. He felt her chakra move through him, checking each system for injury. She did some light healing and pulled back.

"So how bad is it?" he asked.

She smiled and cut a piece of bed-sheet with her kunai. She wrapped it around his face to make a rough mask. He was surprised to realize he hadn't even noticed his mask was gone. He must be more out of it than he thought. He felt a rush of gratitude and affection for Sakura. She always looked out for him.

"Not bad. There are signs of recent injuries, but they were all healed. Your body is stressed, obviously, but some rest should take care of that. She handed him her canteen, and he took a swig of the lukewarm water. Kabuto kept you fed and hydrated. Aside from the torture, he seems to have taken good care of you physically."

"Can you tell what he did to me?" Kakashi asked. He really needed to know. It was disturbing to know that Kabuto had complete control over his body, and he wouldn't feel safe until he had some idea of what happened while he was in trance.

Sakura looked uncomfortable, but when she started to speak her uncle laid his hand on her arm and interrupted her. "We'll talk about things like that later," he said. "Right now we need to focus on getting you home. Let's see if you can walk."

Kakashi knew he was being distracted by the older ninja, but he gave in for the moment. His legs worked fine, which was a relief. "Where's Hurricane?" he asked.

"We sent her home with some of the other ninjas, yesterday," Dr. Haruno answered. "She'll be fine. I had some trouble bringing you around; that was some wall you built there. Let's head out, the others are on sentry around the base." He made a quick radio call to inform them he was ready to go and they left. Kakashi didn't look back; he never wanted to think about this place again.

As they were leaving he turned to Sakura. "What's with the blond wig?" he asked. "You trying to look like Ino?"

She touched her long hair self-consciously. "I've been trying something different. I forgot I was even wearing it."

She took it off and tossed it aside. "It seems silly now." Familiar pink hair greeted him. Kakashi wondered how she could forget she was wearing a knee length wig.

Sakura and the others were worried about leaving right away. They wanted to make sure he was up to the journey.

"It's only a couple of days, and I want to make my report," he said. Really he just wanted to get home as quickly as possible, and something was bothering him about this scenario. He couldn't put his finger on it, but there was something just not right about the way his rescue was proceeding. He wanted to get home so he could sort things out.

He enjoyed the trip home, even racing Sakura, who was more playful than usual. He made his report, did his obligatory hospital visit, and snuck out that night when the nurses were busy with other patients.

Sakura showed up that night after he shift, still wearing her nurse's uniform. She banged on his door about 11:30, and when he let her in she sat down on his couch as if she belonged there. She had been there often enough though. She belonged as much as Naruto, who occasionally crashed at his place when something was worse than usual at his apartment complex. Once he had showed up with a pillow and a blanket muttering something about the neighbors having a Polka party and the cops showing up. Kakashi was used to his students' eccentricities by now, or at least he had thought he was used to them.

"Er…something you need?" Kakashi asked.

She grabbed a bag of chips off the coffee table and helped herself. "Just wondering how you were feeling. You snuck out on us." She looked angry.

He grinned and rubbed the back of his head. "I heard a woman getting robbed, and I had to help her. I guess I just forgot to go back to the hospital."

"Uh huh," Sakura said around some chips.

"I got lost on the road of life?" he tried, and she smiled. That's better, he thought. No sense making the dangerously strong lady mad.

"I'll let you get away with it this time, on one condition." She tossed the empty bag in the trash and went to the kitchen to wash her hands.

"What's that?" he asked. He was curious. Sakura wasn't acting like herself, and he was enjoying the novelty of the situation.

"Buy me dinner tomorrow night?" she asked, and blushed. Was Sakura asking him out on a date? Surely not.

"What's the occasion?" he asked. If she wanted to play coy games, he could play too.

She stopped smiling and stepped closer. "I was worried about you, I guess. I already lost Saskue; it would have been too much to lose you or Naruto too. I just want to catch up, I guess."

She dropped the seriousness and kissed him lightly on the masked cheek. "So, tomorrow night. You and me – no ramen. Right?"

"Yes ma'am," he said - to tease her - and let her out. He rubbed the spot where she'd kissed him. Women were so strange. He needed to talk to Asuma about this. He had a feeling a good drinking session with his buddy would be in order after dinner tomorrow night.

He turned on the TV, but got nothing but static; he'd probably forgotten to pay the cable bill again. He wasn't sure what to make of Sakura's actions. She was an adult though, and she filled out that nurse uniform in a way that was a powerful reminder that she wasn't a child anymore. He'd just have to make sure things didn't get weird; he didn't want to lose a friend. There were plenty of women in the world, but there was only one Sakura.

Dinner was nice. She didn't wear that horrid dress with the circle and the shorts. She wore a red cotton dress that showed off her figure nicely. He took her to a place called the Little Thai House. It was a trendy place that was hectic, but not too expensive. They chatted some, but it was a bit one-sided. Sakura could talk about what went on at the hospital as much as she wanted to as long as she didn't give any patient info out, but most of his missions were highly classified, so he mostly listened.

He was looking at her a different way tonight. She was much more intelligent than the women he usually dated, but he appreciated her vibrant spirit and the fact that she was really interested in him.

Most of the women he'd been with were just interested in what he could do for them in bed, which is why he'd never felt guilty about having shallow relationships. That thought stopped him flat as he realized he was considering a relationship with Sakura. He had considered her strictly off limits as his student, but she was an adult now, and capable of making her own decisions. And if he was reading the signs she was sending him correctly, she was interested in making some decisions involving him. He very rarely misread a woman's intentions. He'd had specialized training in seduction as a part of his job after all, although he'd never use that on Sakura.

They ended up at his place, drinking beer and watching old movies. It was the best time he'd ever had with a woman, but he was genuinely surprised when she kissed him. He would have thought she'd be shyer. He kissed her back, and wondered who had taught her to kiss so well. Probably Saskue, he thought with a brief bit of anger at the boy for abandoning her, and also some jealousy.

He pulled away to look at her and noticed her eyes were glassy. He played with her hair a bit and she closed her eyes. "That's nice," she said, and leaned in for another kiss. He knew he could have her if he wanted her, and he was tempted, but he wanted to do this right. If he took her now, he would lose her tomorrow. He was sure of it. She was that kind of girl.

"Sakura, I think you're a little drunk. How about I take you home?"

She pouted. "Alright, if you must," she said. He stood up to go, but she was asleep on the couch before he could even get the door. She snored lightly, and he fetched a blanket from the closet with a sigh. He pulled off her high-heels and covered her with the blanket. She stretched and smiled contentedly. He chuckled a bit as he thought about how confused she was going to feel in the morning.

He woke up early, just to make sure he was up before she awoke so he could be amused by her reactions. He also wanted to make sure she was comfortable with what had happened between them, even though it wasn't much.

She sat up with a gasp and looked around wildly. Pink hair was flying everywhere, and her dress was rumpled. When she saw Kakashi having breakfast and watching her, her eyes went wide.

"Kakashi?" she squeaked. "I think I drank too much. What happened last night?" She blushed brightly and looked away. "We didn't…um…" She didn't finish the question; the curtains let in some sunlight and she covered her eyes. "Oooh, too bright," she said.

He laughed and brought her some water and a Tylenol. "Don't worry," he said and ruffled her hair. "There was just a little kiss between friends. I'd never take advantage of one of my precious people."

"I left a towel and a robe in the bathroom if you want to take a shower. If you leave the dress out I'll throw it in the dryer and get some of the wrinkles out for you."

"You've done this a few times before, I think," she said playfully, but he thought there was a question buried in there. She was probably wondering how many women he'd had in here.

"I'm not naïve, Sakura. But you're the only one I ever watched old movies and drank beer with. The others were just a way to kill time. You're more than that to me," he said. It was way too early in their relationship for this kind of conversation – if there was even going to be a relationship. Alarms were going off in his head. Time to switch tracks before this got too serious too fast.

"Anyway, I'm about an hour late for a meeting with Jiryiah about Naruto's training. He seems to think we could combine chidori and rasnegan. I should probably get going before Naruto comes looking for me."

When she was ready to leave, she said, "I enjoyed last night – or at least as much of it as I can remember," she said. "We'll have to do that again."

He leaned toward her and noticed her catch her breath. He knew she was hoping he'd kiss her, but he wanted her to have a day or so to anticipate their next meeting. Sometimes the best kisses were the ones a person waited for. He played with her hair just a bit, since he knew she liked it and said quietly, "next time we'll try that kiss sober. It's a pity I'm the only one who remembers it."

He smiled and let a bewildered Sakura out into a world far too sunny for a hangover. He knew this was going to be a good day.

It was a good day. Naruto was in rare form; he was a combination of a serious training machine and an absolute clown that only Naruto could pull off. Kakashi and Jiryiah watched as he had an argument with two clones over who could make the best Rasengan. It was obviously a show for the older ninjas, and Kakashi knew that Naruto just wanted attention.

"Naruto," Jiryiah shouted, and all three clones looked his way. One of them was holding another in a headlock, who was biting a third clone on the ankle.

"Noni?" the Naruto's asked, the biting one mumbling around the ankle hold he refused to release.

"You're the same person. You all have the best Rasengan. Get back to work."

The Naruto's all grinned and went back to training. Kakashi watched as Naruto became serious and once again surpassed all of his expectations. He was glad Jiryiah had taken his training farther, but he wished he had spent more time with Naruto and less with Saskue.

His thoughts turned to Sakura. He wasn't sure what he wanted out of these new experiences with her. Brief thoughts of them as a couple floated through his mind, and he wasn't too turned off by them. He couldn't see them being cuddly like Asuma and Kurenai, but they wouldn't turn out like Jiryiah and Tsunade either. He used to think being comfortable with a woman was a weak affectation, but he was truly happy last night. He could probably deal with her temper. She was forgiving, and he could always talk his way out of difficult situations with her.

Maybe a real relationship wouldn't be so bad – not like the other five he'd had, though. Those had been disastrous from the start. Two had started with drunken hook-ups, and one had been a kinoichi who just wanted his genetic material for a superior ninja baby. The other two were dim-wits that were good in bed and didn't ask for too much from him, but then they got domestic. They weren't worth the trouble they caused, and he always had a suspicion he was mostly arm-candy.

There was also the matter of the mask. Women were so affected by his uncovered face, but they also went nuts over the mask. He never could understand it, but they seemed to think he hid his face for some dark, brooding reason. He hated the feeling that if he was a little plainer looking, they wouldn't be interested in him. There was a great deal of talk in the women's liberation groups about women being treated like objects, but that's usually the way he felt when they ogled him. He'd returned the favor all his adult life, seeing attractive women as a diversion at best – or someone to be conquered and captured emotionally at his worst.

But Sakura had seen both faces, and it hadn't changed how she'd felt toward him. He remembered the first time she'd healed him in the field for a facial injury. He'd been grazed by a kunai across the jaw. It was a fairly deep cut, but he'd tried to take care of it himself. He was fiddling with it and trying to keep his mask up at the same time when he saw Sakura watching him.

"Come on," she said, pulling him behind a large tree so Naruto couldn't see them. Naruto was busy with getting himself untangled from a thorn-bush and didn't notice them.

"Let me get a look at that," she said, and reached for his mask.

"I've got it," he said. "It's not that bad."

"Who's the medic-nin here?" she asked. "That kunai could have had something on it. You want an infection? It's bleeding pretty badly, too."

He fought the urge to stop her, because even though he didn't like it, he knew she was right. Medic-nins had authority in medical matters unless security of the village or the success of a mission was in question. He straightened to his full height so that she'd have to reach a bit too treat him. Maybe it was childish, but he wasn't happy to be unmasked against his will.

"Oh, stop scowling. It's not such a big deal," she said as she rummaged in her pack for some alcohol wipes, antibiotic cream, and a bandage.

"Just do it," he said, and he was surprised at how angry he sounded.

"Men are such babies," she muttered as she pulled the mask down, and stopped. He watched her carefully, hoping he wasn't about to lose a friend and gain a fangirl. As rarely as he was caught without his mask, it was as if he were completely unclothed, and he felt himself blush deeply.

Her eyes moved up from his lower face to meet his eyes, and they just looked at each other for a moment, measuring each other's reactions. He felt like this was a reckoning between them, and hoped she didn't make something troublesome out of the situation.

She smiled. "Silly sensei, making such a fuss," she said, and patted him lightly on his uninjured cheek. She treated him and replaced the mask without another word.

"I won't tell Naruto," she said. "He thinks you're deformed or something. We'll keep it our secret."

Kakashi smiled. Good ol' Sakura, he thought. Always dependable. When they left the relative secrecy behind the tree, Naruto had managed to entangle himself further in the bush, and required both of their help to free himself. It was a bush called a Man-eater by the locals, though, and before they were done all three were caught and torn by the thorns.

Kakashi and Naruto sat glaring at each other as Sakura treated their various scratches and cuts. Somehow, Naruto managed to blame Kakashi for his own clumsiness. Kakashi was irritated for involving him in the consequences of his own clumsiness.

He noticed Sakura treated herself only after she was sure they were ok. It was procedure for medic-nins to treat their own injuries first, no matter how minor. An injured medic-nin is just another patient. He didn't say anything, though. He was still embarrassed from the mask episode, and he didn't want to think about the fact that she had a special affection for him and Naruto, not at the moment anyway. He just wanted things to get back to normal between them.

They had gotten back to normal, almost immediately, and she'd never mentioned the incident again. When he returned to the village, he told Tsunade Sakura was allowed to see his face if she needed to treat him in the hospital, and Tsunade had been surprised. There were strict instructions regarding the Hatake face in the hospital, and two nurses had actually been fired for removing his mask while he was unconscious. Only straight male nurses were allowed to treat him if Tsunade or Sakura weren't present.

As he pulled himself out of his memories, his thoughts moved to the kiss they had shared. Drunk or not, she had kissed him, and he had liked it. He wondered how he could go about asking her out again. He played with the grass on the training field and imagined that it was soft pink hair.

"Who is she?" Jiryiah asked, interrupting his thoughts.

"Noni?" asked Kakashi. "Who is who?"

Jiryiah laughed. "I'm not blind. There's no Icha-Icha, and you've been sitting there alternately blushing, smiling, and fidgeting. Who is she?"

He hesitated. He didn't like talking to people about his feelings – at all. He didn't want to give out many details. "I just think I might like this girl." He shrugged. "I haven't decided what to do about it though."

Jiryiah laughed again, "what's to do about it? Get some while you can, kid. Once you get older you actually have to work for it." He grinned. "Unless you're me, of course."

Kakashi laughed too, and Naruto stopped training to look over at them. "What's so funny?" he asked.

"Women," Jiryiah said. "Someday when you're not a virgin you'll understand. Get back to work."

Naruto glared and went back to his exercises.

"Fine," Jiryiah said. "You don't have to tell me. Good luck, or good hunting. Whatever."

He didn't tell him anything because he didn't want Jiryiah mad at him for dating one of his students. Even if she was an adult now, he knew he'd get some crossways looks and probably a good questioning from Tsunade, and possibly even Ibiki. He wasn't too worried about it though. If Ibiki saw his memories regarding Sakura when she was younger, he'd know Kakashi was no pedophile. Taboo or not, he wasn't doing anything wrong.

Jiryiah's outline began to waver and suddenly Arashi sat where Jiryiah had been. "Sensei?" Kakashi asked, thoroughly confused.

"What?" his sensei asked with Jiryiah's voice. Kakashi closed his eyes and shook his head to clear it. When he opened his eyes, Jiryiah was there, looking concerned.

"You ok? You look kind of freaked out."

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said. "Can you handle things here for awhile? I just remembered something really important."

"Sure, it's not like the kid needs much help really – mostly encouragement."

Kakashi maintained his composure until he was out of their sight, but he had a suspicion it didn't matter. He had finally realized what had been bothering him during his rescue – that little itching feeling in the back of his brain that warned him of wrongness in the situation. Sakura's Ino-like wig, Dr. Haruno's glasses that looked just like Kabuto's, and Jiryiah turning into his sensei suddenly made sense.

He raced toward the hospital, tearing over rooftops with desperate speed. He didn't know how much time he had, and he had something he needed to do. When he reached the hospital, he asked the nurse on duty to page Sakura at her convenience and sat down to wait. The fifteen minutes before she arrived were pure torture for him.

When she entered the room he asked her, "is there somewhere we can talk privately? It's really important."

"Sure, I guess we can use an empty room," she said. "Are you ok?"

"We'll see," he said, and headed toward the room. When they were inside he locked the door to keep out intruders and stood away from Sakura. He took a moment to look her over and gather the images for later, when he'd need them. The nurse's uniform, rowdy hair and confused face were suddenly something precious to him. He'd miss them later, if what he thought was happening was really happening.

He wrapped his arms around her, impatiently yanked off his mask, and pulled her into a passionate kiss. She froze at first, but then she responded just as passionately.

He tried to make it last for as long as possible, but eventually she pulled away and asked him, "what's all this about?"

He grabbed her in a possessively tight hug and smelled the antiseptic hospital smell she seemed to carry. "I love you, Sakura," he said. "I had to tell you, before it was too late."

He let her go and stood back so he could see her face as long as possible.

"Too late?" she asked. "What are you on about?"

"It took me awhile, but I finally put all the pieces together. I hope I can tell the real Sakura how much she means to me sometime when I'm not trapped in a genjutsu."

Sakura looked shocked and worried. "I think you should lie down. You're really confused."

Kakashi laughed, but it was a bitter laugh. "Save it. I know what you're doing Kabuto. The game is over."

The world around Kakashi faded, to be replaced with Kabuto's grinning face in the lab. Kakashi was still tied to the bed, and he hurt all over.

"You're wrong, Kakashi," Kabuto said. "The game's just beginning."


	7. Chapter 7

Kakashi's No Good, Horrible, Very Bad Days

Kabuto picked up a needle and some catgut from a silver tray near the bed. He made a show of preparing the needle, obviously for effect. "You know what's amusing about this whole scenario?" he asked. "Your little pink-haired friend might mourn you – a bit. She'll never know how you feel though; it's like I stole years of happiness from you."

He shook his head in mock sadness. "Poor Kashi-kun. I might just have to go to Konoha in disguise and "console" her for you. You've been a good friend though, right? After everything you did for Orochimaru-sama I might just have to take special care of her for you."

"If you hurt her I'll hunt you from the grave, you bastard," Kakashi said.

Kabuto threw back his head and absolutely howled with laughter. "That's rich. Did you forget who the victim here is?"

He leaned in toward Kakashi. His cheek grazed Kakashi's, who winced at the physical contact. He knew it was just to throw him off, but Kabuto had always struck him as a little gay, and he hoped the other ninja didn't have a thing for masked men – or unmasked men, at the moment.

"You have something I want, and I always get what I want. You can tell me now or later, but you will tell me. I'm going to get your secrets, and then I'm going to take your eye for myself."

He held the threaded suture needle up so Kakashi could see it glint in the lab's lights. "This may seem counter-intuitive, but you don't get to talk until I want you to talk. I don't feel like being distracted by your screams."

He began to stitch Kakashi's mouth shut, exactly as if it was a large wound. "I'm going to do some experiments I've been putting off – explore some methods of pain control, perhaps use a few new drugs I've been working on. When I decide you've had enough, I'll cut the stitches and you can talk. If you don't tell me what I want to know, I'll sew you back up and get more creative."

Kakashi had no doubt he meant what he said, but he also thought that since he had fought off the genjutsu once, Kabuto was likely to stick to physical torture methods now. Physical pain he could deal with. He'd had enough field injuries to know how to distance himself from pain – or so he thought.

As Kabuto continued sewing, Kakashi thought the pain wasn't too bad yet, but then Kabuto took a scalpel and cut around his mouth and through his cheeks, smiling viciously. He didn't like the blood running into his mouth from his lacerated face. He had to swallow constantly to keep from drowning in his own blood. Earlier he had been ready to sacrifice himself for the village, but now he had a very strong reason to live. He had to make sure Kabuto didn't live to get anywhere near his precious people. He figured if the pain got to be too much and he was in danger of betraying village secrets he could always stop swallowing and let the blood drown him. He doubted even Kabuto could empty fluid-filled lungs fast enough to save him, or at least that's what he hoped.

Kabuto was talented, but Kakashi thought his skill was in surgery and battle. Other than the genjutsu, Kakashi thought his torture technique was uninspired. Deep cuts here and there, some flayed skin, and some serious burns seemed to be what he relied on. He worked on Kakashi for about 15 minutes and then began to cut the stitches around his mouth. Kakashi felt his own blood running down his sides from various wounds, soaking the sheets around him.

"Is that the best you can do?" Kakashi asked when his mouth was released. He meant to sound defiant, but the effect was lost as his voice struggled through his bleeding lips. He tried to sneer, but the pain in his mouth stopped him.

Kabuto laughed. "Of course not." He faked a concerned look. "Poor ninja, trying so hard. I just wanted to give you a blood replenishing pill. That was phase one. There's so much more."

He pushed the pill into Kakashi mouth and crushed it. Kakashi tried to bite his fingers, but Kabuto was too fast. "Careful," Kabuto hissed. "Try that again and you won't have teeth."

"So, are you ready to talk, or shall we try something different?" Kabuto asked.

"What do you think, shit-for-brains?" Kakashi asked.

Kabuto rolled his eyes. "We'll do it the hard way then." He sewed swollen lips shut again, this time tugging on the thread each time to increase the pain. He injected Kakashi with a clear liquid from a syringe.

"I've been wanting to try this out. It's my own special blend. Enjoy."

He sat down and buried his head in a book, stopping every few minutes to check his watch. After about ten minutes, Kakashi felt like he was itching all over. He moved around a bit trying to scratch the places that itched, but he was well restrained. Kabuto sat the book down and leaned back in his chair, obviously enjoying the scene.

"Did you get into some poison-ivy, Kashi-kun? I have some Calamine lotion if you want." He laughed at his own joke.

The itching turned into burning that spread through his body unevenly. His legs felt like he'd been set on fire, and then the feeling moved into his arms and then shoulders. Each time it was more intense, but he tried to force his mind into meditation again.

He was just reaching the point where he could at least block out some of the pain when Kabuto sat up in his seat.

"Oh no you don't," he said, and Kakashi saw him use another needle filled with a dark red substance that went into his arm slowly, like it was thick and viscous.

The burning sensation had overcome the physical wounds Kabuto had inflicted to the point that they had become a sort of background pain. Shortly after Kabuto injected him the second time, however, the wounds leapt to the surface of his mind with a searing awareness. Every nerve in his body was sensitized, and he fought the restraints as his body succumbed to what he realized was Kabuto's genius. He had been wrong about Kabuto, it seemed. The man was far more subtle than he would have guessed.

He lost all sense of rational thought as the pain overwhelmed him. He felt his wrists grow slippery with blood as he fought desperately to free them, and he heard Kabuto laughing maniacally. He tried to scream, only to be stopped by tightly laced lips. He actually felt part of his face rip around his mouth as the cuts from Kabuto's scalpels widened from strain. Finally, it became too much for him and he quit swallowing the blood that was filling his mouth, realizing too late that he was dying.

He saw Kabuto's face very close to his, full of hate and enjoyment. He struggled to stay alive, for Sakura and the others he loved, but he knew it was pointless. Just as he was losing consciousness, he felt Kabuto push healing chakra into him, drying the blood and pulling the dust through his nose and out into a red dusty haze that filled the area around him and colored everything a disturbing red color.

He had been wrong when he assumed that if it got to this point he could assume control and let himself die. Kabuto was more talented than any medic-nin except Tsunade. Kakashi realized that Kabuto was in complete control of the situation, and his bruised mind gave in to the despair he'd been fighting so hard to stave off.

Shikamaru used every bit of his wits to find Kakashi and Hurricane, and even Kabuto was no match for Shikamaru's computer of a mind. The ninjas found Kabuto exactly where Shikamaru thought he'd be, in the lab Orochimaru and Kabuto had done most of their work in. He had gambled that this was an emotional enough matter for the mad medic to want to return to a place he had shared with Orochimaru. This was the best bet, and it had paid off handsomely.

To the naked eye the lab was a wreck. The door hung on one hinge and vines and other flora obscured the entrance. Shikamaru knew it would be a fortress inside, however. Neji checked for traps and told them where to expect delays. Shikamaru quickly laid out a plan and they entered in the direction of Kabuto, Kakashi, and Hurricane's chakra.

Gai burst every door with his angry dynamic entries, growing more and more desperate as they felt Kakashi's chakra waver and flicker, as a severely injured person's chakra will do. It leapt, spiked, and dipped dangerously.

"We have to find him quickly," Sakura said. "He can't last much longer."

"Kabuto will have to attack soon," Shikamaru said. "Get to Kakashi however you can. We'll cover you."

Kabuto arrived shortly, bursting in with another flurry of scalpels. He was covered with what Gai assumed was Kakashi's blood, which sent the Green Beast into an absolute frenzy. He immediately began opening gates and charged in without thinking, hitting with wild Tai-jutsu moves Kabuto was hard-pressed to avoid.

Sakura took the chance to dart by the fighters in the direction of her friends' chakra. Kabuto made a move to stop her, but she didn't even try to dodge. Shikamaru had said they'd cover her, and she had faith in her friends. Kabuto froze as he was trapped in a shadow-jutsu, and she had the pleasure of seeing Gai's massive green and orange arm hit him directly in the jaw.

The lab was a maze of doors, and she couldn't tell exactly which one Kabuto had been using. She wasted a few precious minutes searching through the half-abandoned building, but when she opened the door and saw Kakashi her relief turned into horror at his condition.

He lay struggling for breath and fighting feebly against metal restraints. His eyes darted around, as if they were searching for any way to escape. One of his wrists was badly broken and had a deep wound from his struggles. She could see where Kabuto had cauterized the wound, and she hoped she wouldn't have to amputate. His face was a horrid, bloody mess. It looked like someone had taken a meat tenderizer to it.

She was at his side quickly, pressing chakra into his chest to check his vitals. His look of surprise and relief turned to a hateful, smoldering glare that confused her. She didn't know much about the effects of torture though, and she hoped the fighting would be over soon so Dr. Sumao could come help them. Tsunade had chosen him as the best Psych-nin to help Hurricane, if she could be helped. Sakura could only hope he was good enough to help Hurricane and Kakashi.

He was covered in wounds and burns. Kabuto had stopped the bleeding, but he hadn't done much healing, and she hoped Kakashi hadn't lost too much blood.

His heart was beating dangerously fast, and his breathing was impaired. She carefully cut the stitches around his mouth, wincing at the damage done to his beautiful face. He rolled on his side and began to vomit what seemed like gallons of blood.

She checked him for internal injuries, but ascertained that the blood was from the mouth wounds. She definitely hadn't been trained for anything like this.

She remembered one of the nurses comforting an injured, frightened child and rubbed Kakashi's back gently, as the other nurse had done. "It'll be ok. We're here," she said. "You'll be ok, just get the blood out. We'll take care of you. It'll be ok, I promise. It'll be ok," she said, and repeated herself as she watched someone she loved try desperately to survive. Wait…love? Thoughts for later, she reasoned.

He shook uncontrollably and sank onto the bed, too weak to even raise his head enough to send vomit over the side. Sakura placed his head in her lap, supporting him so that he didn't cover himself with bile and his own blood any more than he already was, all the time talking to him in what she hoped was a comforting manner. She didn't even notice that her already red dress was being dyed a more sinister hue as he retched on her. His eyes rolled back in his head and he stopped struggling.

"Alright, get some rest. I'll be here when you wake up," she said, and set about trying to stabilize him.

The background had been filled with sounds like thunder, which she knew was from the massive battle going on not far from them. When the sounds ended, she knew Kabuto was dead, and she succumbed to the grief and fear she had been feeling. In a completely un-ninja like manner, she allowed herself to cry.

When Kakashi awoke the second time, he was furious. Sakura sat on the bed watching him intently. Her face was dirty and tear-streaked, and her dress was soaked with blood. That's not Sakura, he thought.

"Hey," she said. "Long time so see." She placed an arm on his shoulder in what was probably meant to be a comforting gesture.

He tried to speak, but just ended up coughing up dried blood. She gave him water from her canteen, just like last time, and pushed red, limp hair out of his face.

He spat the blood soaked water out and, licked his partly healed and still itching lips. She leaned forward to catch his words.

"Don't touch me," he said with as much venom as he could muster, and closed his eyes so he didn't have to see her.

He felt her hand leave his shoulder. "I'm sorry," she said, and he could hear unshed tears in her voice. "The others will be here soon, and Tsunade sent a Psych-nin to help, but I'm not sure what to do for you. What do you need?"

"I need you to rot in hell, Kabuto!" he said, and he felt more energy as he grew angrier. "Do you really think I'm going to fall for the same jutsu twice? And using _that_ face, you bastard. You know I love her. That's low, even for you."

"Kakashi," she said. "Open your eyes. It's me – Sakura. Please remember me," she said.

She moved to find something to use for a mask. The others would be here soon, and she figured he'd feel better covered up. As she turned away from him, he opened his eyes and caught her arm hard enough to make her lose her balance.

She sat down on the bed heavily, just managing to avoid falling on him. "What?" she squeaked, and then noticed he was staring at her intently.

"You're not fooling me, Kabuto. I just want to look at her, even if it's not real." He looked at her intently and noticed she was beginning to look uncomfortable, and then shoved her away from him roughly.

"Bah," he said. "It's not the same." He looked at her with such a lost look her heart broke for him. "I would do anything to see that face right now," he said.

She was distracted when a green blur burst the door in. "Dynamic entry!" Gai roared, and she quickly used her body to shield Kakashi as bits of door flew everywhere. Gai's arms were covered to the elbow with blood and bits of flesh or worse things.

Kakashi simply looked bored with the whole proceeding.

Energy flowed from Gai so strongly it was visible. Sakura watched as he shut down the gates and sank to the floor, panting and smiling.

He flashed Kakashi the "Good-Guy" pose. "My eternal rival!" he shouted. "This is indeed a point for me!"

Sakura decided Kakashi was stable enough for now, and crossed over to Gai. She checked him over and was relieved to find he hadn't damaged himself too much. She healed him as much as possible; opening life gates could only be healed with a lot of rest.

"Alright, Gai-sensei," she said. "how about you pop up here on the bed and rest for awhile? I've got enough trouble with Kakashi as it is. I haven't even checked Hurricane yet, and I need to find out if there are any other injuries."

Gai's eyes moved to Kakashi, and she knew she'd have trouble with him if she didn't handle Gai quickly. One thing she'd learned was that otherwise rational people can grow extremely irrational in the face of their own injury, but especially when their loved ones were hurt.

"He's stabilized," she said. "He's just really cranky right now, and his chakra's still all over the place. The best thing you could do for him right now is let him get some quiet rest."

She wasn't sure Gai even knew how to be quiet. He looked a bit deflated, muttered, "alright," and lay down.

Kakashi turned and gave him what seemed to her a peculiarly emotionless look. "What's up, Green Kabuto?" he asked, and rolled over so his back was to both of them.

"Noni?" asked Gai.

"Don't worry about it," Sakura said. "He thinks we're Kabuto. I'm sure the Psych-nin can straighten him out."

"Don't count on it, Pink Kabuto," Kakashi said. Sakura really hoped he got over that before they returned to the village. If he called Tsunade "Booby-Kabuto" or something similar he probably wouldn't live through the experience.

The other ninjas made their way into the room, and stopped by Gai's bed. They stared at him with a combination of respect and fear.

"Why is everyone staring at Gai-sensei?" Sakura asked Neji.

"He went insane," Neji whispered. "He bit Kabuto like an animal and ripped him apart with his bare hands. He wouldn't stop until Kabuto was a pile on the floor. Gai forced him to eat his own intestines before he died."

"Gai-sensei did that?" Sakura asked, trying to reconcile the odd man who loved children and sparring with friends with the monster Neji described.

"Hai," Neji said. "Now I know why they call him the Green Beast." He shuddered.

"They call him the Green Beast because he drank a whole bottle of Crème de Menthe at a Christmas party to win a challenge with me," Kakashi said.

"How's it going, Serious-Kabuto?" he asked Neji, who opened his mouth but found he had no answer for that.

The Doctor, or "Doc Kabuto" as Kakashi called him, couldn't do much with Kakashi. He kept insisting they were all Kabuto and insisted on making up new – and often insulting nicknames – for them.

Sakura was alternately Pink Kabuto, Sexy Kabuto, and Uchia Obsessed Kabuto. Neji was Serious Kabuto and Emo Kabuto, and Gai was Green Kabuto, Loud Kabuto, and Eyebrows Kabuto. He didn't bother with the other ninjas, who stayed outside the once room Sakura told them Kakashi was highly agitated and more people could only make it worse.

Sakura managed to save his injured hand from amputation, and she healed the worst of the facial injuries, but she was forced to sedate him. As she approached him, his eyes were solely focused on the needle and he gulped and began to breathe heavily.

Dr. Sumao noticed his distress. "Kakashi, what's wrong?" he asked.

Kakashi's eyes never left that needle. "Drugs again?" he asked. "We've been through that. I won't give you any village secrets. You might as give up and kill me. You're wasting your time."

Sakura hesitated, and looked to Dr. Sumao for guidance. "He's not rational. Do it quickly."

She nodded and injected him with the sedative. She hid the needle so he didn't have to see it. His eye moved to her face, where it stayed until he fell asleep.

"Are you ok?" Dr. Sumao asked Sakura.

"I guess so. Not really," she said as she watched his breathing and was assured it was steady. "I just want to get him home, and I still have a lot of work to do."

"I'll stay with him while you look to the others, and then you should take a rest yourself. You're no help to them if you're out of commission."

She nodded, recognizing his expertise, but before she left she looked at her friend again. His lips and face were still swollen and Kabuto's artwork had left angry red welts and deep lacerations that would leave disfiguring scars. He was a vain man, and it would bother him. She touched his damaged face lightly and said, "poor sensei."

She pulled the sheet up so that it covered his lower face and went to her other duties. Hurricane woke up easily, but she required Dr. Sumao's services. She felt personally responsible for Gai and Kakashi's conditions, and only calmed down when Gai pulled her onto the bed with him and wouldn't let her go.

It was several days before they were ready to travel, and it was slow going since Gai insisted on traveling under his own power, instead of using the stretcher provided for him.

They had to keep Kakashi sedated, and when they woke him up to give him food or water he insulted them or refused to speak altogether. Dr. Sumao said it was just his way of dealing with the aftereffects of the torture and he would do better after some treatment.

Of course he had to spend time in the hospital. Even in another man's jutsu he couldn't escape the place. He waited patiently – well mostly patiently. There were ways to break jutsus, and he thought that if he waited long enough Kabuto would start making mistakes like last time. He could use those mistakes to pull himself back to reality.

Sakura/Kabuto entered the room, and he hated her/him more than ever.

"I have some medicines Dr. Sumao prescribed," she said. "He thinks these might help." She sat on the chair next to him and patted him arm affectionately.

"I don't need help," he said, "and if you touch me again I'm going to start breaking bones."

She pulled her hand back as if she'd been burned. "Kakashi?" she asked uncertainly.

He glared silently. She burst into tears and fled the room, knocking over the pills as she left.

Naruto entered the room behind her, and saw Kakashi glaring. "Did you just make Sakura-ni-chan cry?" he asked angrily.

"I made Pink-Kabuto cry," he said, "but it doesn't matter because none of this is real, anyway, Orange-Kabuto."

Naruto clenched his fists. "You're lucky you're sick, or I'd kick your ass for that." He set some daisies in a red vase on the side-table. "Hinata wanted you to have these. She'll be by later. Get well soon."

He turned to leave, but stopped and turned to face Kakashi. "I know you don't mean this stuff, and we'll all be here when you get better. Believe it."

Kakashi felt guilty after Naruto left, but it had been necessary. He had a theory, and he had to test it. He had pushed several people to intense emotions, and Kabuto hadn't let the jutsu slip yet. He had noticed that the other slip-ups had occurred when other people should be experiencing strong emotions. Dr. Haruno was a compassionate man who would have been moved at Kakashi's situation, and Sakura should have cried in the last jutsu. The last slip had been when Jiryiah's had turned into Arashi at the training grounds, because Jiryiah always got emotional when he was training Naruto. Naruto's predicament with Saskue reminded him strongly of his own failed attempts to rescue Orochimaru from his fate.

There was one more experiment he needed to try. Tsunade had the least control over her emotions of any ninja he'd ever known, and if he could push the jutsu to breaking it would be with her. He theorized that Kabuto was a true psychotic, and unable to feel certain emotions, and so was unable to create them. He was doing much better this time, though. It would require something drastic on Kakashi's part, but he had just the idea.

That night Tsunade was working on some of the mounds of paperwork she never quite finished when Kakashi appeared in her office in a swirl of leaves. He leaned against the wall and studied her with an angry look. "Hello, Granny- Kabuto," he said. "You're looking boob-tastic tonight."

"Kakashi? What are you doing out of the hospital? I ordered you on bed rest for at least two days. You've been through a lot, and there are probably lasting effects."

"Security is lax; escaping was far too easy."

He sat on her desk and took a swig directly from her sake bottle. She gasped at his insubordination. "Sick or not, you're going too far. If you don't return to the hospital immediately, I'll order you restrained for two days, and nothing but the ugliest nurses to tend to you."

He laughed. "That's funny, but it's ineffective. In a few minutes I'll have broken this damn jutsu and you'll be forced to try a new technique." He stopped long enough to openly ogle her boobs, something he'd never done before but he figured, why not? None of this was real anyway.

She was turning a dangerous shade of red. "You think you're angry now, wait until you find out how I'm breaking the jutsu," he said.

She stopped. "I don't like where this is going. What did you do?"

He smiled, "I'll tell you, but first a poem. Einie, menie, minei, mo. Which little academy student did I just kill to test my theory? Hmm…that was bad – didn't even rhyme."

Her jaw dropped and she turned pale. "Oh, Kakashi. Kakashi no. Please, tell me you didn't." She sat quietly, too stunned by the thought of Kakashi murdering one of the innocents he so diligently protected to take action.

He watched her for several minutes. Tears rolled down her face. She saw a change in his expression. It went from cruel to surprise to anguish. "Tsu-tsunade-sama?" He touched her cheek and looked at the tears he had wiped away as if they were the most inexplicable things he'd ever seen. His theory had been wrong. He wasn't in the lab at all. "Where am I?" he asked, and looked around blankly.

She called Anbu. Five of them showed up almost immediately. "Fox, Bear, Rabbit, Cat, check the village and make sure all the academy students are alive and well. I have reason to believe one of them might have been killed. Dog, take Kakashi to the hospital, and be aware for violent tendencies. Meet me there."

The Anbu asked no questions. All but Dog whisked away, who put an arm around Kakashi's waist and lifted him to his feet. Kakashi looked at him blankly. They left with Dog supporting Kakashi, and Tsunade took a swig of sake before she followed them.

Kakashi wouldn't respond to questions from anyone. Tsunade watched Dr. Sumao try to reach him, but all he did was sit in the chair and shake. Dr. Sumao asked Tsunade, "do you know where Haruno Sakura is? They seem to be close; maybe she could reach him."

"She's in surgery right now, but I already gave word for her to come here immediately."

One of the Anbu appeared at the door. "Tsunade-sama, permission to report?"

"Yes?" she said, hoping for the best.

"All of the students are fine. Is there anything else?"

"No, that's all. Thank you. Dismissed."

He nodded and left. She turned back to Kakashi, thankful that at least one crisis had been averted.

Sakura entered and looked from Kakashi to the Doctor and Tsunade. "What happened?"

"I'm not sure," Tsunade said. "He came in with this bizarre story about killing an academy student that wasn't true, and then he just lost it. He didn't know where he was and he hasn't spoken since."

Dr. Sumao said, "we thought you might be able to reach him. You two seem to share a close relationship."

Sakura suddenly remembered something Kakashi had said to her right after she'd found him. "_You know I love her,"_ he had said. She'd forgotten with all that had happened since. What had happened in that jutsu?

Dr. Sumao moved from the chair next to Kakashi, and she took his place. She knew he didn't like being touched, but she felt like it might be good for him right now. She shook his arm gently. "Kakashi? Can you hear me? It's Sakura."

He raised his head and blinked at her in confusion. "Sakura?" he asked. "Are you real?"

Everyone in the room relaxed a bit. "I'm real. I told you it would be ok. You're with friends."

"I'm home?" he asked. "I'm home," he said, and began to cry, something he hadn't done since Sandaime had died.

Tsunade nodded to Dr. Sumao, who stepped out of the room with her. "Let's let them be alone for awhile," she said. "I never would have suspected, but I think she might be the best medicine for him."

"I'll be on standby," he said, and left.

She poked her head in the room to see him with his head on her shoulder and holding her like she was a lifeline to him. She probably was, Tsunade reflected. She stepped back in. "Sakura, I'm going back to the office. You can look after him, but when you're done come and see me. We need to have a serious discussion about you and your former sensei."

Sakura saw where the discussion was going and blushed. Kakashi had actually fallen asleep on her shoulder, and she settled him back in the chair, where he slumped from exaustion. He had never looked so much like an actual scarecrow.

"It's not like that, Master," she said and looked at the sleeping ninja. "At least it wasn't before. It might be now. I'm not sure."

"He's a pervert, but he's an honorable man. I don't believe he would have taken advantage of you. I believe you, but if you need to talk to me, you know I'm always here for you. If this comes out in the open, you'll both be examined to make sure there wasn't an inappropriate relationship, you know that, right?"

"I know, Master. There's nothing to worry about there."

"Good." She looked at Kakashi. "You've got your work cut out for you with that one."

The next day Kakashi was sent home and Sakura decided to take a day off from ninja drama. She visited Naruto who had moved into an apartment in a fairly decent neighborhood, and wasn't overcharged because of his parents.

Hiahsi had allowed Naruto to date Hinata, with the understanding that Naruto needed to prove himself worthy of her before they could marry. Naruto had to provide housing and a stable income, as well as a decent reputation as a ninja first. He expected them to raise any children inside the Hyunga's ancestral compound, but he wanted them to make their own way in the world for a few years.

Sakura loved his new place. Hinata had obviously done most of the decorating, and the place was a perfect combination of both of them. She had even managed to use orange as an accent color in an attractive manner. Sakura hung out with them for awhile, playing shoji with Hinata and chatting. They both played very defensive games, and they won about evenly.

"I guess this makes us eternal rivals," Sakura said, smiling.

"Hai, if you like," Hinata said smiling shyly. "The score if five to five, then."

"I have to go," she said eventually. "I want to take Kakashi his medicine. You know how he is. There's no telling if he'd take it himself."

Naruto frowned at Kakashi's name. "How did he make you cry?" he asked.

"Oh," she said, "it's not important. He still thought I was Kabuto, and he said some mean things. It's over."

Naruto still looked angry. "If he does that again, I'll kick his ass."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "You'd just like to kick everyone's ass some days, wouldn't you?"

"Well yeah," he said as if this was self-explanatory.

Kakashi was examining his face in the mirror for the first time since he'd returned home. It looked horrible. His mouth was criss-crossed with scars where it had been sewn shut numerous times, but the worst scars were going to be where Kabuto had cut his face with his scalpel. There were several places where he had made deep cuts that ran several inches. There was a large slash that ran from his nose all the way around his mouth and down to the bottom of his jaw. It was the place where his skin had torn when he tried to scream.

He looked worse than Ibiki. Ruined was the word that came to him as he covered the face with the mask. He knew it shouldn't matter; he always wore a mask anyway. It's not like anyone but medic-nins ever saw his face anyway. For all the world would know, it was the same old Kakashi. It did matter, though. He decided he might be just a bit vain, and looked for the crème that was supposed to help minimize the scarring. He headed toward the living room where he found it, and was just about to head back to crappy-self-examination-land when he heard a surprised "oh," from the doorway.

He turned to see Sakura, who was blushing fiercely and holding a bag. "Sorry," she said, "you didn't answer the door."

He noticed her glance down at his chest and realized he wasn't wearing a shirt. She'd seen him enough without a shirt, though. It shouldn't bother her.

"Let me get decent," he said. "I'll be right back."

"Wait a minute," she said. "I want to see how your mouth is doing."

He wondered if she realized how wrong he could take that statement. She stepped close to him and he tried to remember that this girl wasn't _his_ Sakura. She had never been _his_ in any way. That was just a fiction. Maybe someday, if he was very lucky, but not yet.

He pulled his mask down and was relieved when she didn't shy away from him. Most women would have been disturbed. She ran a finger around his face, letting just a bit of healing chakra bring the swelling down and checking for infection. It tingled and he liked the feeling, and he had to distract himself from thinking of other, more enjoyable uses for medical chakra.

She stopped, and he saw her eyes tear slightly. She stood on her toes and gently kissed a scar over his lip, and the large one that ran around his mouth. "Poor sensei," she muttered, and then stopped, shocked at her own actions.

"Um…I have to go. See you tomorrow," she blurted and left quickly.

Kakashi stood with his mouth hanging open. He didn't move until he heard a knock on the door. "Hey, Kakashi," Naruto yelled. "I want to train some, and I need to borrow your weed-whacker. Hinata's complaining about the lawn already, and she doesn't even live with me yet."

He threw on his mask and jumped on the couch and threw a pillow on his lap to hide…consequences of the unexpected kiss. "Sure, come on in," he said.

Naruto came in and sat on the couch. He rambled on about Hinata. In a few minutes he asked, "come on, what's taking so long? Why is your face so red?"

"I'll meet you over at field five," Kakashi said. "I need a few minutes."

"You're really going to train with me?" Naruto asked. "This is the best day ever. Believe it!"

"I need a few minutes alone first. I need to handle a personal matter, so to speak."


	8. Chapter 8

AN: More of a lighthearted chapter. Hope you enjoy it.

Chapter 8: Rookie Nine Girls' Club

Once a week the girls of the rookie nine tried to meet at the Earl Grey, the trendy tea house that Naruto had been caught spying on Hinata. It was a good way to unwind, although only one or two of them could usually get away from their hectic lives. Contrary to Hinata's fears, they were allowed back inside after Naruto's antics.

Today Ino and Hinata chatted as they waited for Sakura, who was going to be late because of work. Actually, Ino chatted, and Hinata listened. Ten-ten was on a mission, but she wasn't really missed. It wasn't that she wasn't liked; she was just so bland she might have been the flowers on the wallpaper.

"So, how's it going with you and orange boy?" Ino asked. "Is it everything you hoped for?"

"I'm very happy," Hinata said. "He's really hyper, but I like that. I never know what's going to happen next."

"That's good. I hope it works out. How's Hiashi-sama taking this?"

"He likes Naruto, and he thinks it's a good alliance, with his mother being so important. He loves the idea of the 3rd Hokage's DNA added to our family line, and Gai is a powerful jounin. He did ask me to limit his exposure to Naruto, though. He said a little Naruto goes a long way."

Sakura showed up, took a chair, and groaned. "My feet are killing me," she said. "This is the second fifteen hour shift this week."

They chatted until their food arrived. "Ok," Ino said. "I officially call this meeting of the Rookie Nine Girls' Club to Order. Ladies, repeat the rules please."

They spoke in unison.

"The first rule of Rookie Nine Girls' Club is you don't talk about Rookie Nine Girls' Club.

The second rule of Rookie Nine Girls' Club is you don't talk about Rookie Nine Girls' Club.

The third rule. If Hinata gets embarrassed or faints or says to stop teasing her, you have to stop.

The fourth rule. Two girls to an argument. No interference or "helping".

The fifth rule. One argument at a time. Don't bring up ancient problems that distract from the issue at hand.

The sixth rule. No overwhelmingly strong perfume.

The seventh rule. Meetings will go on as long as necessary. If they need to last until 4:00 A.M. then they will do so. Ice cream is optional.

The eighth rule. These meeting are to relieve stress. If this is your first night back from a mission, you have to talk.

"So," Ino said, "who has new business? Hinata?" It was part of the game they played every week to pretend this was a serious meeting.

"Not really," she said.

"Did you ever go on that super-awesome date?" Ino was used to having to prod Hinata for information.

"Hai," she said, and blushed. "We went to the top of the Hokage monument and watched the sun set. It was really romantic."

"Sakura?" Ino asked.

"You first," she said.

"Nothing much happened this week," she said. "I spent some time escorting the Suna diplomats. That was interesting. That Gaara is hot. I love the dark, brooding types."

Ino and Hinata looked at Sakura expectantly. "I'm not sure I should talk about this yet," she said. "It's sort of embarrassing."

"I think the first and second rules apply here," Ino said. "You know we won't tell."

She did know. This group was sacred to them. It kept them sane. "I kind of kissed someone last night," she said.

"Guy or girl?" Ino asked.

"Ino!" Sakura was shocked.

"What? I'm just asking. You never know unless you ask."

"A guy, and it was unexpected. I didn't mean to kiss him. It just sort of happened."

"Those are the best kisses, the ones that just happen. So, spill it. Who's the unlucky guy?"

"If I tell you, you have to promise not to freak out, ok?"

"I promise," Hinata said.

"No dice," Ino said. "I reserve the right to freak out."

"Fine Ino-pig; have it your way." She stopped. She really needed their advice, but she was afraid of their reactions.

"Well?" Ino asked. "Who was it.?"

Sakura blushed. "Kakashi," she said quietly, and got the reaction she had feared.

Both girls' eyes widened perceptively. Hinata paled and Ino snorted loud laughter.

"You kissed your Sensei?" Hinata asked.

"You bagged the Copy-Nin?" Ino asked at the same time.

"Did he kiss you or did you kiss him?" Hinata asked.

"Come on, how hot is he under that mask?" Ino asked. "Better than Saskue?"

"Calm down!" Sakura said. "I can't keep up. First, I kissed my _ex_-_sensei_. There's a huge difference. Second, I didn't "bag" him. I'm not sure I want to "bag" him; it was just an impulse. I think it might have been a mistake. Third, I kissed him. And forth, we're not really supposed to talk about his face. He's really sensitive about it. But yes, he's way better looking than Saskue, or at least he was. But I think that he's better looking than Saskue with the mask on too. He has a kindness in his eyes – err, eye - that Saskue never had."

"Wow," Ino said. "You seduced a seducer. Good job."

"No," Sakura protested. "It wasn't like that."

"Tell me then, what was it like?" Ino and Hinata both leaned forward expectantly.

She tried to think how to explain how she'd felt. "Did you ever have something that was your favorite, like a toy or a book or something and lose it?"

They both nodded. "It's sort of like that, and you know how you just expect the toy to be around, so you sort of take it for granted. Then when you lost and found it again it was like it was extra special?"

"So you're saying Kakashi's the toy you lost? That's great." Ino said.

"Ino, that's not funny." Hinata said. She looked really upset.

"Third rule," Sakura said.

Ino sighed. "It's ok Hinata; I was just teasing Forehead-girl. I know better."

"I'm really not supposed to be talking about this. It's breaking a confidence, so you have to keep this to yourselves. I have to talk to someone about this though. It's tearing me up."

They both nodded. "You know we won't betray you," Ino said, and Sakura knew she was sincere.

"I won't even tell Naruto," Hinata said.

"Kabuto really tore Kakashi's lower face up. I healed it the best I could, but it's not really over. We didn't tell him, because he's had enough stress. The way his lips were torn could make them pull up where they were cut. Right now there's just some welts forming scars, but if the scars pucker up, he's going to be horribly disfigured. Or he could heal normally and just have a few scars around his face. We don't know how well he'll heal yet, or what part we can play if anything goes wrong. He doesn't even look like the Kakashi I used to know."

A tear rolled down her cheek as she pictured his face in the lab, torn and bloody. If it had just been the sutures, it wouldn't have been so bad, but Kabuto had purposely made a mess of it. Kakashi must have fought Kabuto and torn the stitches, tearing his own mouth up – probably trying to scream. There were also cuts where he had sliced around Kakashi's mouth randomly with a scalpel, obviously with the intention of disfiguring him. It hadn't looked much better than hamburger meat when she saw him.

Ino reached across the table and took Sakura's hand. "That won't happen though, will it? He has one of the best medic-nins in Konoha looking after him, right?"

Sakura wiped her eyes and smiled at Ino. "Thanks," she said. "That's how it happened though. I was healing his face to bring the swelling down and he wasn't wearing a shirt. I never noticed before, but he's pretty ripped. We were really close and I just felt so sad over what happened to him. His face was a work of art. It's ruined, possibly forever. He won't be sent on any seduction missions, that's for sure. That part's fine with me though."

She stopped to drink some tea. Their food lay cold and forgotten. This was much more interesting than food, even expensive food.

"And?" Hinata asked. "What happened then?"

"Ok, this is going to sound dumb, but I just had this impulse and I kissed the scars."

"You kissed…the scars?" Ino asked. "That's really weird, like fetish weird. Why would you do that?"

"I honestly don't know. It just seemed like the thing to do."

"I think it's wonderful," Hinata said. "It's like you were telling him you accepted him just the way he is, scars and all. That's so romantic." She smiled. "It sounds like something Naruto would do."

Sakura didn't think she liked being compared to Naruto, but she knew Hinata meant it as a complement.

"And?" Ino asked. "You can't leave me hanging like this. What happened? Did he kiss you back? Did you two make out? Are you pregnant? What?"

"He just froze. I think I shocked him. It wasn't a real kiss, just two quick pecks, but it freaked me out and I practically ran out of his apartment."

Ino slapped her forehead with her palm. "Do you mean to tell me you had Konoha's most wanted bachelor shirtless, in his apartment, which means conveniently near his bed, with his full attention, in a kissing situation and you ran away? What's wrong with you?"

"Ino, I'm not like that. I really care about him. If I lose him like I lost Saskue I don't know what I'd do. I might have really messed up something good by kissing him."

"You should go for it," Hinata said firmly, and both girls were surprised at her sudden confidence. "If I'd been brave enough to talk to Naruto, we could have been together for years now."

They sat quietly as Sakura mulled over Hinata's advice. Ino broke the silence. "He's really old."

"Ino!" both girls said irritably.

"What? I'm just saying." She smiled. "I say go for it, but don't be too serious about it. He doesn't seem like the domestic type to me. Get a few good lays in, learn a few things from an experienced lover, and know when it's time to move on. That's what I'd do. He's not really my type, but I'd hit that just for the prestige associated with being with him. This, my friend, makes you the alpha huntress in Konoha. Congratulations."

"I'm not sure I know how to "go for it". I've never even _really_ kissed a guy before. I tried with Saskue once, but he just told me I was annoying and walked away."

"You're kidding," Ino said. "Do not tell you you're a twenty year old virgin."

"There's only ever been Saskue that I've been interested in, and you know how that turned out. I just never wanted to be with anyone else."

"Wow, we really have some things to talk about next week. We're going to have to teach the little late bloomer, eh Hinata?"

Hinata turned very red and looked down at the table. She muttered something so quiet Ino and Sakura leaned in close to hear her.

"What?" Ino asked.

"I don't know anything myself," Hinata said. "Naruto and I haven't even kissed yet."

"Well then I guess I'll just have to hold class," Ino said.

"What makes you such a good candidate for sensei?" Sakura asked.

"I've actually had the seduction training for one. You're way over your head, Sakura. You need my help."

"You've had seduction training?" Hinata asked.

"Yeah, you learn a lot there – how to move, how to speak, how to guide a man's thoughts so that he thinks he wants what you want. It's fascinating. And when I say that you're way over your head, I mean it. Kakashi was one of the trainers. He's experienced. Some of the things he taught us absolutely shocked me."

"Kakashi taught you seduction techniques?" Sakura asked. "That's disturbing." She was beginning to feel jealous.

"Don't worry. He just taught us theory. He didn't show us or anything. We have to use the training our own way. We're encouraged not to use it on fellow Konoha ninjas. It causes too many problems."

"Have you used that training?" Sakura asked. She felt that it might be a rude question, but she was really curious.

"A few times. There were a couple of missions where it was needed."

"I don't like that," Hinata said.

"It's not like it sounds," Ino said. "It's not really like sex. They taught me how to think of my body like a weapon. I can differentiate between things I would do for missions and things I would do in a relationship."

"Things you would do, or things you've done?" Sakura asked.

"You're too smart for my own good, Forehead. There's only one guy I want, and I'm not ready for him. He's the commitment type, and I don't want that right now."

"Come on, you made me tell. It's your turn," Sakura said.

"I figure I want a couple of years to sew some wild oats, maybe travel a bit or something. When I'm done with that I'll marry Choji."

"What if he falls in love with someone else first?" Hinata asked.

"Last week he gave me his last potato chip," Ino said smugly.

"Oh my," Sakura said.

"Yeah, that's love," Hinata said.

"You're awfully cavalier about all this," Sakura said. "Doesn't this hurt Choji?"

Ino looked angry for a moment. "Do you really think I'd hurt him? He's the only man I see as not wanting me just for my body. I protect that heart like it's my own.

We talked about it, and he said he'd wait for me, but he can't stand the thought of me being on seduction missions. With a body like this I'm liable to end up on a lot of them. I have to do what the village needs me to do.

He got all dramatic and said, "when your beauty fades and they don't want you anymore, I'll be here." He meant that. Can you imagine? He only wants me once I get ugly."

"That's officially the most romantic thing I've ever heard," Sakura said.

"Ten-ten's going to kick herself for missing this," Hinata said.

About that time the store dimmed their lights, announcing last call. They got to-go boxes and went their separate ways, all thinking about the night's revelations.

Sakura took a long walk to think about her friends' advice. She decided that first, Ino may understand seduction, but she was still full of shit, and second, Hinata was a lot smarter than most people gave her credit for.

Still, this left her in a rough situation. When Ino had said she was seducing a seducer, she wasn't kidding. Trying to seduce him would be silly; he'd probably laugh at her. No, she decided, the best approach is to simply be straightforward with him. He's probably used to women trying to trick him. She'd never done anything like that, and she wasn't about to start now.

Something else troubled her. If he was such a seducer, why had he reacted that way to her kiss? Either she had shocked him into inaction, or he just wasn't interested in her. His declaration of love had been after a torture episode. It could have meant anything or nothing at all. There was only one way to find out.

She rehearsed speeches in her head on the way to his apartment. She found him in the kitchen cleaning and repairing weapons at the table. He was wearing a white t-shirt and the customary mask and hitai-ate.

"Hey, come on in," he said cheerfully.

"You seem awfully chipper for someone who was so down he couldn't talk yesterday. You ok?" she asked.

"I'm just really glad to be home. It's just now soaking in. I was so set on fighting Kabuto it still doesn't seem quite real."

"I'm glad you're feeling better, you have no idea how glad."

He wiped his hands on a shop-rag and stood up, towering above her as usual. He pulled her into a hug. She liked the subtle scent of natural vine oil that he used to clean his weapons. It was familiar and comforting.

"What was that for?" she asked.

"I never said thank you for bringing me home. And I'm sorry about the things I said to you when I thought you were Kabuto. They were awful, and I didn't mean any of them."

"I know," she said. "Everyone knew you were sick, so we don't hold it against you. I think Neji's still pouting about being dubbed Emo-Kabuto, but he'll get over it. I'm just glad you're here."

"What brings you to my greasy home?" he asked, and grinned.

She almost got up the courage to start a relationship conversation, but she lost her nerve at the last moment. There had been something else to talk to him about, anyway.

"Are you feeling stressed at all? There's something I really need to talk to you about, but I don't want you more stressed than you were."

"Tsunade won't let me have any missions and I'm so bored I'm cleaning weapons that are already clean. I was about to start a game of extreme-solitaire. If I was any less stressed I'd be dead. What's on your mind?"

"We need to start a treatment for the facial scarring," she said. Good cover, she thought. Maybe she could get out of that serious talk tonight.

"Treatment? I thought it would scar up and that would be the end of it."

"Hopefully," she said. "What I'm concerned about is that one or more of the scars might pull upwards, dragging your lip with it."

"Please don't tell me I might get a hair-lip."

"That's what the treatment is to prevent. I want to come over here and check you regularly. If we can catch any problems when they start, I should be able to fix them. I think I might even be able to minimize the large scar."

Kakashi picked up a recently cleaned kunai and used it as a mirror. He pulled the mask down and felt the long, ugly ridges forming on his face. A couple of them were still red and inflamed.

"Why is Tsunade so worried about this? I'm grateful, of course, but I don't see what difference my face makes to the village. It's going to scar up, no matter what. Even if it heals well, I'm done with seduction missions, which is just as well. I never did like those missions."

"Tsunade didn't ask me to do this. I'm doing it for personal reasons."

He smiled and took her into another hug. "You're too good to me. Maybe I can find a way to repay you. How about a nice back rub?"

"No, that's ok," she said hastily. A nice backrub might just kill any intention she had to talk to him seriously.

"You're full of hugs today," she said. "Not that I'm complaining, but it's not like you."

"I guess you could say I have more of an appreciation for the people I love, especially you."

Her heart jumped when he said that, but it still might not mean anything. Naruto and his sister could be included in that group too, depending on what kind of love he meant.

"Let's see how those welts are healing up," she said, and they sat at the kitchen table.

She let her fingers play around his face with some light healing chakra and then said, "hold still for a few minutes. I want to do a thorough examination."

She closed her eyes so she could focus on what her chakra was telling her. When she was finished she opened her eyes to find that single blue eye watching her intently.

"What's the verdict?" he asked.

"It's what I thought. There are a few signs that two of the worst cuts are going to make your lip curl up on itself as they heal. I think if we stay on top of it I can keep moving the cells a few at a time so that they don't have a chance to cause problems. This might sting a little."

She moved her mind to an entirely different place that only medic-nins can go to, a plane of shifting fluids and cells and nerves. She could see the variations in cellular structure, and she moved the cells around like an artist moves paint on a canvas.

When she was finished she pulled herself out of the jutsu and felt a brief wave of dizziness.

"Sakura, is something wrong?" Kakashi asked.

"No, it's just a chakra-heavy jutsu. I need to lay down for an hour or so. I'll be fine."

She was a bit wobbly in the legs, so he helped her over to the couch. "Thank you, but don't you think you should finish before you rest?"

"Finish?" she asked. "I didn't forget anything."

"Sure you did," he said. "You left the bandages off."

"What are you talking about?" she asked. She hoped he wasn't going mental on her again.

"I was sure you put two tiny chakra bandages just over the worst scars yesterday. You should talk to Tsunade about making more use of those. I swear they help the pain so much."

This was it, she thought. He was calling her bluff and she had no idea where to go from here. She shyly kissed his scars, feeling the rough ridges under her lips and wondering what madness had her doing this. "There," she said. "Feel better?"

"I feel wonderful." He kissed her lightly above the lips, just like she had kissed him.

"There," he said. "Just in case you ever need any tiny chakra bandages of your own."

"I'll put them away for later," she said, and leaned toward him for a better kiss. Chakra bandages were cute, but she wanted a real, grown-up kiss. He kissed her soundly, allowing his tongue to play with her lips, slipping through them and finding her own. She felt it slide along her tongue gently, and then he pulled away from her. Sakura's lips ached for more.

"Get some rest. You used a lot of chakra on me. I'll wake you for dinner, ok?"

"Sure," she said, and lay down on the comfy bachelor couch. She was very confused. He did and didn't seem to want to kiss her. Men were weird.

Kakashi closed the kitchen door and gathered his thoughts together, which wasn't an easy thing to do with Sakura in the next room. He had left before he'd done something they might regret, but he wasn't sure what to do now. Generally, getting the woman to the point of physical interaction was all he cared about, but he didn't want Sakura feeling used in any way.

He saw his face in a mirror. Could she really want this? He wasn't under any illusions about how he looked. He was hideous, and it would only get worse. He tried to picture himself with teeth exposed in a permanent snarl because of badly healed scars and shuddered.

But she did want him, that much was obvious. He had two choices. He could go back in that room and make love to her in a way she'd remember till she died, or he could try to find some advice on how to keep her around once they were finished. He wished his father was alive. He couldn't think of anyone he knew well that was even in a relationship except for Asuma and Gai. He couldn't talk to Gai about anything serious, and Asuma was too nosy.

He had an idea where he could get some help, but he didn't know if it would work. It might just be a disaster. He transported to field seven, where he knew Jiryiah and Naruto would be training, and sat under a tree nearby. He watched Jiryiah showing Naruto how to add a bit more spin to the Chi-Rasengan, allowing him to allow it to curve around an object to hit a target. It had been a difficult jutsu for even Naruto, but he was getting good at creating a Rasengan and then pushing it forward with the Chidori. Then he would allow the Chidori to rush forward and combine with the Rasengan. The lightning/water/chakra ball was extraordinarily powerful.

Jiryiah finished and set Naruto practicing with his clones. He saw Kakashi and sat under the tree with him.

"How's it going?" he asked. "Still after the mystery girl?"

"Actually, that what I came here for. I wanted to talk to you about a few things."

Jiryiah was surprised. Kakashi was notoriously quiet about personal matters.

"Ok, shoot. What woman problem do you need my expert opinions on?"

"What were my parents like together?" Kakashi asked.

That threw Jiryiah. "Ok, not what I was expecting. They were great; they reminded me a lot of Asuma and Kurenai without all the fighting. There was this look Sakumo got that he only had when he talked about your mom. I remember being on missions and he'd get that look sometimes. It was like they were opposite sides of the same coin."

"Why do you think they stayed together? How did he keep her around?"

"I don't know. They didn't have much in common besides being ninjas. They just seemed to be the world to each other. I remember running into Sakumo at the convenience store at 4:00 A.M. when your mom was pregnant. He'd been all over Konoha looking for Nori flavored ice-cream, which apparently doesn't exist. He actually bought some vanilla ice cream and a package of Nori and was going to make it himself."

"I could see that. I don't remember much about her, but I remember whenever she'd come home from missions, he'd have roses for her."

"She was the same way. When he was gone, she'd do nothing but mope for at least two days. Why the sudden interest in your parents? You never asked me much about them before."

"That girl I was telling you about? She's showing a lot of interest, and I'm not sure what to do about it. I don't want to just get her; I want to keep her around. I've never wanted that before."

Jiryiah looked sad. "I had that feeling once. They don't always want to stay around though. You sure she's that type of girl?"

"Absolutely. I think she might be a virgin too. She's got that shy thing going on."

"Wow, no pressure there, huh?" Jiryiah asked. "I don't like the virgins; they expect way too much. I've had to deal with a few on missions before; they always want you to stick around and be domestic."

"She knows me pretty well, so I don't think she'll be surprised by my personality at least. Domestic's not sounding so bad right now."

"You're kidding," Jiryiah said. "You'd do that? Why?"

"I don't know. I can see myself having kids with her, even."

"Then what's the problem? You know what you want with her, and you think you know what she wants with you. Go get her."

"There's two problems. The first one is that I don't like her seeing my face right now, and that's kind of necessary for a relationship. Every time she looks at it I wonder if she's going to run off screaming."

"Why not? I've seen your face. You look just like Sakumo. What's wrong with that?"

"You don't know then?" He looked to make sure that Naruto was distracted and pulled the mask down just enough for Jiryiah to see the wreck underneath it.

Jiryiah pulled in his breath with a hiss. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Kabuto took a personal interest in my appearance, I guess. I hate the idea of her looking at this. It might get worse, too. I just found out if the scars don't heal well, they might pucker up around my mouth and give me a hair lip. I'll look horrible."

"Well, if she's showing interest anyway, it must not bother her. Some women are like that. They're pretty rare; you got lucky."

"The other problem is I have to fight against using seduction techniques on her. Seduction is just about getting things, not about keeping them. I don't want her to be with me and then regret it because she was tricked. I want this to be her idea, but she's the least aggressive woman I've ever been with."

"So screw her once and let her figure the rest out. You're not that bad a catch, I guess. She'll probably stick around for awhile at least."

"That's better than anything I've come up with. I can't keep coming up with excuses to escape when she wants to kiss me. She's going to get the wrong idea."

"You're killing me with all this. Who is she?"

"I really don't want to say just yet. You'd be angry."

"Why would I be angry about who you date? It had better not be Tsunade," he added. "I'd end you."

"Too scary. I'd sooner date a badger."

Jiryiah thought about it for a moment. Who could Kakashi have known for a long time that would still be a virgin? His eyebrows furrowed. He grabbed Kakashi's arm tightly. "You bastard! You better tell me you just became interested in Sakura. It's her, isn't it? If you did something to her when she was younger I'll lead the investigative committee myself."

"I knew you'd react like this," Kakashi said. "It happened when I was in that lab with Kabuto. I never thought of her that way before."

Jiryiah looked at him suspiciously. "You'd better be right. I'm going to talk to Tsunade about this."

"Do it. I don't have anything to worry about. I'll voluntarily submit to a psych-exam if I need to."

"Hey Ero-Senin," Naruto called. "I'm ready for the next step."

"I have to go," Jiryiah said. "We'll talk about this later."

"Alright, you know where to find me." He transported to the ramen place and got some miso soups to go. When he returned to the apartment Sakura was still sleeping.

"Hey, wake up. Dinner's here," he said.

She sat up groggily and looked around a bit confused. "Thanks. I'm so hungry I could eat more than Naruto."

They ate in comfortable silence, and she left without discussing anything more serious than schedules and training.

As she was leaving he asked, "how about we get some real food tomorrow night?"

"Sure, that sounds nice. You pick, ok? Just no ramen. I'm ramened out."

"Yeah, me too. Italian sound good?"

"I've never had Italian. Sounds fun."

"Alright, I'll see you then. Make sure you bring plenty of bandages. My lips are starting to feel really sore. I might need some extra attention."

She shook her head. "You are really something else, you know that?"

"I try."

The next day Sakura was shopping on her lunch break at The Candle Barn. She was just about to leave when Jiryiah came in. He chose a couple of small candles and met her at the register.

He noticed her choices. "Secret Romance, huh? That's a nice brand. Very enticing, especially for men."

"Is it?" she asked. "I just thought they smelled good."

As the sales lady wrapped her candles in paper to protect them, Jiryiah lowered his voice. "You know, jounins are here to help the younger ninjas. I am too, really. If you ever need to talk about anything, we're available, you know?"

"Um…sure," she said. "I'll remember that Jiryia-sama."

"Alright," he said. "See you later then. Don't be such a stranger."

That was strange, she thought. She forgot about it as she went about her day. She could barely keep her mind on her work; she couldn't keep her mind off of Kakashi and dinner that night.

She wore a pants suit with a red v-neck shirt that had some abstract black vine patterns on them. She thought it looked more attractive than what she usually wore. She hoped so anyway. There wasn't much she could do with her hair; it really only had one style. She decided against high heels. Her feet hurt from work.

When she got to his apartment he was wearing jeans and a blue button-down shirt that brought out his blue eye really nicely. He still wore the mask and the headband, of course.

"You clean up nicely," she said.

"You too, Sakura. You ready?"

She decided she loved Italian food. The spaghetti was strange, but it was fun to eat. He talked some about his past, mostly about a friend named Obito who reminded her a lot of Naruto. She talked about the hospital, and told him about her Girls' Club, but not what they talked about. She thought that kept the spirit of rule one and two.

She was happy with how the healing went. It seemed like it was easier than last night, and it didn't put much of a chakra drain on her this time. She was adapting to the jutsu easily, which was good. She'd probably have to do it hundreds of times before the scars finished whatever they were going to do.

When she was finished, she hesitated. This was when she could get away with kissing him without being embarrassed. She knew he was expecting something, so it made things a little easier for her. She kissed the scars around his mouth, which he seemed to like for some odd reason, and then moved to his lips. She explored them hesitantly, and he returned the favor, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her really close.

She looked up into his face and saw a smile she'd never seen before. It wasn't his usual mischievous look; it was a dreamy happiness she hoped was because of her. The smile faded and a worried look crept over his face.

"Sakura, I need to ask you something."

"Anything," she said, and meant it.

"My face doesn't bother you? I've seen it; you're getting the short end of this deal."

She traced her fingers around the scars and kissed the largest one again. "The scars make me sad, but you're just Kakashi to me. They don't matter."

"Have you thought about what I'll look like if they get worse? My whole face could end up twisted. Do you really want to get stuck with a freak?"

She looked angry. "I don't ever want to hear that from you again! You'll never be a freak to me."

He closed his eye and pulled her in for another kiss. This one was more passionate than before, and his hand found its way under her shirt and traveled up her back. His other hand stroked her hair and he kissed her with a neediness that frightened her a bit. He began to unhook her bra and moved around to fondle a small but enticing breast. She tensed at the unaccustomed sensation.

He opened his eye and disengaged. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," she lied. "Why?"

"I don't know. You stiffened up just then, and you look a little scared. Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"I've just never done this before. I guess I am a little scared. It's ok; I'll get over it."

She tried to kiss him again, but he pulled back. "No, if you're frightened, it's time to stop. I don't want you to ever regret being with me." He was fighting to keep his brain in charge as other parts of his body vied for dominance. The other parts were going to win soon. He needed to get away from her for awhile.

"I'll be back in a couple of hours, but I think I need to go punch some trees or something."

"Why?" Sakura asked. This was the most confusing end to a date she could possibly imagine.

"It's a guy thing. You know where everything around here is. I'll be back in a while, ok?" He kissed her lightly and transported in a flurry of leaves.

She was left with some very confusing feelings and a bunch of old movies.

He arrived at field five and promptly began taking his frustration out on the oak forest that Yamato thoughtfully re-grew constantly for the village training sessions. He had been working on his tai-jutsu moves for a couple of minutes when he saw Jiryiah.

"What're you doing out here so late?" Jiryiah asked.

"Working on my tai-jutsu. I've been neglecting it."

"I see. If I had a hot little kinoichi in my apartment, I'd be there."

So Jiryiah had been following them. He didn't answer the nosy sage. Maybe if he ignored Jiryiah he'd go away.

"I could fill a whole volume of Icha-Icha with what I'd do if she were in my apartment."

"Shut up, Jiryiah." He punched a tree.

"Hope you wrapped it before you tapped it." The old sage grinned broadly.

"Shut up, Jiryiah." He punched another tree.

"I see. You're having some virgin problems. I told you this would happen."

"Shut up, Jiryiah." He shattered a tree into oak bits.

"Is little Kakashi not working so well? What's wrong? Did you keep the car in the garage so long the motor won't start? Did you forget how to unsheathe your katana?"

"Shut up, Jiryiah!" he said, and hit a tree so hard it exploded into wooden shrapnel.

"What do you want?" Kakashi snapped.

"Your attention. Maybe little Kakashi is working too well, and you scared or hurt Sakura and little Kakashi's owner needs a good ass-beating?" He glared at Kakashi, daring him to try something.

"Maybe I should get Naruto to help me make a new jutsu just for you. We could call it Erectile Dysfunction No-jutsu, just in case you can figure out how to make little Kakashi work again."

Kakashi knew he'd better explain himself if he didn't want to end up in a full-on fight with Jiryiah.

"It's just the opposite, really. She's nervous, so I decided to come out here and cool off for a while."

"Good answer," Jiryiah said.

"Why are you following me, anyway?"

"Tsunade isn't very worried about all this, but I am. She told me to try to find out if you and Sakura have been involved in a "damaging relationship" as she called it. Consider this an unofficial inquiry into your activities as a sensei."

"I can't believe you'd think I'd do that."

"You have to admit it looks bad. I'm supposed to report to her when I have an opinion on the matter. If I tell her it looks bad, she's going to have Ibiki examine you."

"I don't have anything to hide."

"Let's hope so. If you're telling the truth, I'll be the best man at the wedding if you want me, but if you're lying to me I'll invent new jutsus to hurt you with." He left Kakashi in the forest with a lot to think about.

The next night, he was out there again, destroying most of field five. Jiryiah arrived for what he considered a combination of his duty and a good show. Elements of this might end up in one of his books someday, with the characters changed enough to be unrecognizable.

"Still having virgin problems?"

"What do you want from me, you old fart?" Kakashi sent a Chidori through several trees. He was usually respectful to the Sanin, but the old man was pushing it lately.

"Just looking for answers. Your current activities are giving me more information than you realize."

"Whatever, just let me work this out my own way, ok? We'll be happy once we get past this. You don't have anything to worry about."

"That's for me to decide. Don't work too hard now," he said, and left.

Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday passed the same way. Each day Kakashi destroyed more of the forest, and each day his temper grew shorter with Jiryiah. On Friday, Jiryiah said, "you'd better not be taking out your bad mood on Sakura."

"I'm not," Kakashi said. "We had a small argument yesterday, but we kissed and made up."

"Well, at least you got to kissing," Jiryiah said. "I was afraid maybe Iruka turned you or something."

"Shut up, Jiryiah."

"Alright, I'll leave you alone for now. Here," he tossed Kakashi a small tube. Kakashi looked at it. "Ninja Glide? What the hell?"

"Just thought you might need it, man. Sometimes a rusty sword needs a little oil."

Jiryiah felt the tube hit him in the back as he was leaving. "Meddlesome old fart!" Kakashi yelled.

The next day, when Jiryiah showed up at the training field, it was unmolested. "Huh, he finally got some," he said.

The next day he reported to Tsunade. "I'm sure we don't have to worry about Kakashi being a pedophile. I investigated him and he doesn't have any of the signs."

"Can we be sure though? If he ever wants to take another team I need to know."

"He's the one that's been wrecking field five every night."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"It's a guy thing."

"As long as you're sure. Sakura means a lot to me." Tsunade trusted Jiryiah, but this was really huge.

"She means a lot to me too," Jiryiah said. "She reminds me so much of someone I really love."

Tsunade looked away. "Thank you for your report. I'll consider the matter closed."

"Being around them makes me think about some things. They're so mismatched, but I think they might be happy, just because they love each other. Do you ever think about us? Because I do."

"Sometimes," she said. "But you know why I won't be with you. The Icha Icha has to stop, and the other women have to go."

"The other women don't mean anything. I just get with them to pass the time, and I'd gladly quit if you want to be with me. As for the Icha Icha, it's really misunderstood."

"Yeah, I've heard that before. It's just porn."

"How would you know? You've never read it. The reason people think it's porn is because I had a few sex scenes in the first book, and some crazy religious group went nuts about it."

"Really, I never heard that."

"Yeah. They made life hell for me for awhile. I'll make you a deal. You read volume one, and if you still think it's porn, I'll quit writing the series. That is, if you'll be with me."

"You're serious? You'd really do that for me?"

"I'd do so much more if you let me."

He found Kakashi at field eight, supposedly "supervising" Naruto's training. In reality, he was laying on his back watching clouds.

"Kakashi!" Naruto yelled. "You're supposed to be helping me! How are we going to get Saskue back if I don't get better?"

"Add some more spin," Kakashi said lazily.

"You've been saying that for an hour."

"And you've been doing a lousy job for an hour. Do some meditation and get your focus back. You can't do this without focus."

He went back to cloud watching. Jiryiah noticed he had a different look to him, a daydream look. He reminded Jiryiah of Sakumo when he was talking about Kakashi's mother.

He sat down next to the Copy-nin. "You look relaxed."

"Mmm…"

"Really relaxed."

"Mmm…"

"So we decided you're not a pedophile."

"Mmm…"

"Come on. You always give me details."

Kakashi shifted his eye over to Jiryiah. "Maybe I don't want to this time."

"You have to give me something. I've been waiting all week to see how this played out. It's better than a soap opera."

"Well, it took me a few days to get her to relax, and I was afraid she was really repressed and sex wouldn't be much of our relationship."

"That wouldn't work."

"I would have made it work. I really love her, and besides, any woman who can look at my face and still want to be with me is an absolute treasure. It wasn't a problem though. Once she got over being nervous, I found out she's really, um, _uninhibited._"

"Oh yeah? Congratulations. Is she a freak?"

Kakashi frowned. "Boundaries, Jiryiah."

"Sorry kid. I forget you're whipped."

"Whatever. I will tell you this though. She invented a new jutsu just for me. She calls it Tingly No-jutsu. Medical chakra freaking rocks my world."


	9. Chapter 9

Of Tea and Secrets

Ino opened the next Girl's Club meeting with the traditional formal into and rule reading and then said, "forget old business, how's the One-Eyed-Wonder? Is he still the Copy-nin, or is he out of toner yet?" She winked suggestively.

"That doesn't even make sense," Sakura said.

"It's a sperm joke. You'll get it eventually."

"Ino, rule three," Hinata said, blushing as usual.

"Fine, come on Sakura. Spill it. I want details. Hinata, cover your ears. Tenten, pick up your jaw."

"You're dating Kakashi-sensei?" Tenten asked.

Hinata giggled. "Maybe we should have gone over old business after all."

They caught Ten-ten up, reminding her of rules one and two.

"Anyway, details?" Ino asked.

"No details! No details!" Hinata squeaked. "I have to take a refresher course with him in a couple weeks, and I'm having enough trouble with mental images of you two as it is."

"Alright, no graphic details, but I have to tell you this. He did this thing with the Sharingan that did things to me I couldn't describe if I wanted to. It's a pity it took so much chakra though. He said we can't do it very often."

"So, once, twice, three times the lady?" Ino asked with a dirty leer.

"Five," Sakura said quietly.

"Over a whole week for a new relationship? That's not very good," Ino said.

"No, just last night. I haven't seen him today. He does have obligations."

"Seriously, just last night? I would have had him in every room the first night," Ino said.

"I thought he wasn't your type," Hinata said.

"Well, I might have lied about that. He is brooding, even if he's pale and light haired for me. Why did you wait so long, though? That's unusual."

"This is embarrassing, but he didn't want to until last night."

"Oh, you're lying," Ino said.

"Why would I lie about that? I got up the nerve to kiss him about a week ago, and we were about to, um, do more…" She hesitated, thinking about Rule Three.

"Maybe a few details are ok," Hinata said.

The other girls gave her a surprised look. "This is really interesting," she said.

"He just stopped, and then he left and didn't come back for hours. When he came back we watched a movie, but he would hardly even touch me."

"That's weird," Ino said. "I hope he doesn't have some odd neurosis. All the jounins are crazy. You know that, right?"

"He said I looked frightened, and he didn't want to be with me until I was ready."

"Now I know you're lying," Ino said, and she looked angry. "Men don't do that. They're all just after one thing."

"You don't think that about Choji, do you?" Hinata asked.

"Sure I do. He just doesn't want to share me, that's all. He'll have other women before he gets around to me. I just love him because he's Choji. I'm not naïve."

"Why would you think that way? That's so cynical." Ten-ten said.

"I have my reasons," Ino said, and clenched her fists. She relaxed and smiled. "That's ancient history, though. This is Sakura's time, and I want to hear more."

"We have to talk about this sometime," Hinata said forcefully. She wasn't going to let Ino distract her this time.

"I will, when I'm ready. I promise. Anyway, Sakura, let's get back to "As the Sharingan Burns." He obviously got over it."

"He was like that for days. We talked, had dinner, and then a movie or chess. It was driving me nuts. He wouldn't do anything but kiss me, and he kept his hands on my back, face, or hair. I thought I'd die, but I didn't know what to do."

"I would have dumped him," Ino said.

Sakura sighed. "I know you would. So Thursday he was all serious, and he said we needed to have a talk. I figured he had decided he wasn't attracted to me after all and was going to break up with me before we even really went out."

"Would have dumped him," Ino said. She was scowling.

"He said that he had done something really horrible on a mission a few months ago, and he couldn't let it go. He told me that he had to do some really bad things on the mission, and one of the mission parameters had been to do some things to a woman he couldn't tell me about, but it had messed him up so bad in the head he didn't know if he could ever have sex again."

"Are there really missions like that?" Ino asked. She looked scared. "I've had that training, too. Do you think I'd ever have something like that?"

Sakura squeezed her friend's hand across the table. "It's ok. You'll see, just let me finish the story."

Ino nodded, but she still looked scared.

"He told me that jounins aren't allowed to refuse missions, and that Konoha doesn't refuse missions unless it's against the best interests of the Fire Nation or the Konoha village. It's against the rules to moralize about missions, apparently."

"That's horrible," Ten-ten said.

"And then he said he'd do anything he could for me, but he might not be able to do _that_. And he told me that if I couldn't stay with him he'd understand and we could pretend last week never happened, but he'd love me forever. I was so shocked. You have no idea."

"That's horrible," Ten-ten said. "I can't imagine a relationship without ever…"

"Yeah, but I can't imagine my life without him," Sakura said.

"You mean you'd really do that?" Ino asked. "That's stupid. You couldn't have kids or anything."

"Artificial insemination, dumbass. But that's not important. I told him it was ok and I loved him, but I needed to think about it. I did his healing really quickly and went home. I had a huge fight with mom just because I was really stressed.

The next night I showed up and he looked like maybe he'd been crying a little.

All he said to me was, "Well?" I hugged him and told him I'd be with him no matter what, and he just held me and cried."

"No way," Ino said. "I will not believe that. He's not the crying type. He's the making women cry type."

"Well, I found out why later it was so emotional for him. Apparently this was a huge thing with him. He just kept kissing my hair and telling me he loved me and I was a treasure and not like any woman he'd ever met, stuff like that. It was kind of creepy, actually. It's not like him at all. I think he's got some psychological problems."

"You think?" Ino asked. "You'd better keep an eye on this."

"So, when I left he was smiling again, and he said he had a huge surprise for me the next night, that I'd understand a lot and he'd make us both really happy."

"Ok, so crazy but sweet. Maybe that's not so bad. It's not too insane for a jounin," Ino said.

"Oh, there's more. I showed up at his apartment and he had these sandalwood candles going, and the lights were off. He'd cooked us dinner and had some music going. It was wonderful. I was thinking I could get used to this and maybe sex wasn't too important. I mean, there's do-it-yourself kits for that … or something. I don't know."

Ino snickered. "Grow up, Ino," Sakura said.

"So we sat on the couch, and he told me he was really sorry but he had some things he needed to tell me, and he hoped I wasn't angry. After the night before it made me wonder just how crazy he was."

"It wasn't more crazy stuff was it?" Hinata asked.

"Kind of. He told me that the first night he hadn't wanted to rush me, but then he got to thinking and he wondered if I just wanted him for his body, and maybe scars turned me on or something."

"That's loony," Ten-ten said. "Scars are ugly."

"I told him that he was being silly, but he told me some people have a scar fetish. Apparently Ibiki has a stalker who just wants to touch his scars."

"Ew," Hinata said.

"He said he'd never been with a woman that didn't just want him for sex. He'd even been with this one girl for months and was thinking about marrying her when one of her friends told him she was just with him because she wanted a baby with the Hatake White Chakra. When he confronted her about it, she told him he was an arrogant bastard, and no one would ever want to be with him for any other reason.

He really thought he loved her, and he said he's never been with any other woman he'd respect, even if he found them attractive. He said he had thought all women were whores underneath, and I'd shown him different."

"That kind of makes sense," Ino said. "He is the type that gets the shallow chicks. I've never noticed him with anyone particularly bright."

"So then he said that he didn't have any problems with sex, he just wanted to see if I would stay with him without it. He said he'd never loved another woman before, not even the one he was thinking about marrying. He'd just thought he'd loved her.

He said there was no way he could be with me wondering if I was going to leave him as soon as I got pregnant or if Saskue came back."

"Oh, he did not bring up Saskue!" Ino said.

"Yeah, he went there. I told him if Saskue came back now I wouldn't care that much. He's still like a brother to me, but I can't imagine being with him. I want a man, not a revenge obsessed boy."

"So he grabbed me and kissed me, and, um, well…five times," she finished lamely.

All the girls were blushing. "That's better than Icha-Icha Paradise," Ino said, and said, "oops. Forget I said that."

"You read that smut?" Ten-ten asked.

"It's not that bad," Sakura said. "It's just misunderstood. It's a really good story."

"You too?" Hinata asked.

"I was bored the first night I was over there – after he left - and I wondered what the big deal with the book was. I figured I'd sneak a quick peak and it was amazing. I've been reading it when he's not around."

"Is it just me or do the main characters remind you a lot of Jiryiah and Tsunade?" Ino asked.

"Yeah, I noticed that too. He'd better hope she never reads that, or he's a dead man. I think she might use forbidden jutsus so she could kill him and resurrect him just to kill him again."

Sakura decided to use the times Kakashi was on missions to make sure she didn't lose track of her friends. Naruto was with Hinata as much as she was with Kakashi, so they didn't see much of each other.

A few days later, Kakashi left for a three day escort mission, and she was bored and lonely. She showed up at Naruto's place at about 10:00 P.M.

Hinata had gone on the same mission, so Naruto was bored as well. They hung out for awhile, and Naruto said, "I'm bored. You want to go hit the bars?"

"Why not? I've never done that before," she said. "I've been really busy lately."

"Yeah, I never see you. Where have you been?"

Sakura didn't want to lie to him, but she wasn't ready to go public with their relationship yet. There would be consequences, and she wanted to enjoy the peace they had. She had to tell him something, though. He was astute at exactly the wrong times, and it would be just her luck for him to figure this out. He'd probably pull out a few fox tails on Kakashi.

"I've been seeing someone lately."

"No way! I knew you'd get over Saskue someday! Who is it?"

"I'm not telling. It's still new, and I don't want to mess things up. He's really shy about people knowing we're dating."

"Is it Sai? 'Cause … gross."

"It's not Sai, Naruto. He's not my type."

"Sai looks a lot like Saskue." Naruto had no idea how annoying he could be sometimes, she thought.

"Saskue's not my type anymore."

"Kiba? That'd be alright. He's annoying, but I don't think he'd treat you bad."

"No, it's not Kiba," she said with a smile. This was starting to be funny.

"Fuzzy brows? He's pretty cool. He loves you."

"No, not Lee either."

"Who does that leave? Shikamaru?"

"Nope."

"Choji? That'd be weird."

"Not even close."

"Give me a hint," he said, whining a bit.

"Ok, he's someone you know, but don't really know." He didn't know Kakashi any more than she had before the lab incident. She felt like Kakashi was an entirely different person than she'd imagined.

Naruto frowned. He thought for a few minutes and stuck his tongue out at her and made a face. "Fine, don't tell me. I don't care anyway. He probably has ginger hair and acne, so you don't want to say."

"Sure Naruto. That's the problem."

"Let's go," Naruto said. "Wanna get Sai? It's almost like team seven being together again, except for Kakashi. I haven't seen Kakashi much lately. Wonder what he's been up to. Probably no good."

You have no idea, she thought.

She'd never done the "bar thing", as Naruto called it, but it was really fun. She danced with Naruto and Sai, and then as the boys got drunk they started having "contests". Naruto turned out to be really good at beer-pong. She spent most of the night laughing, and they finally got kicked out of the Tango Lounge after Sai told a waitress she was so ugly she should be in pictures.

Sakura was never sure what Sai meant when he said those things. She knew he was just trying to fit in, but he was so socially backwards it was almost like he wasn't human.

They were making their way to Naruto's place, where they would crash for the night, when Sai said, "that was fun Ugly Girl. We usually reserve these nights for the guys, but you're enough like a guy. I guess we can make an exception."

"Don't call Sakura-ni-chan Ugly," Naruto said. "She's not that ugly."

"I'll say whatever I want to. She's my friend and I read in a book that teasing a friend encourages closeness."

"It's not her fault her forehead's so big, or that she's freakishly strong. Leave her alone," Naruto slurred.

"Naruto," Sakura said, "you'd better let up. You're not making any points with me right now."

"Lighten up, Deckles," Sai said. "It's just a joke, like your manhood."

"I've had enough of the deckles jokes," Naruto said and grabbed his pants with one hand and his zipper with the other. "Take a look at this! Who's dickless?"

Just as his hand reached the zipper Sakura's fuzzy mind registered what he was about to do. "Naruto, no! Don't do that. We're both sure you have a dick, right Sai?"

She turned to Sai. "For the love of everything, tell the man you know he has a dick."

She heard loud laughter and turned to see Naruto rolling on the ground, fortunately still fully clothed. "That's the best thing you've ever said, Sakura-ni-chan! Tell the man you know he has a dick. That's priceless."

He howled drunkenly on the ground. Sakura heard an odd sound behind her. Sai was trying to laugh. His face didn't move much, but he made a forced chuckling sound. When he saw Sakura watching him he asked, "laughing is an appropriate response right now? I think so."

She hugged Sai, as much to maintain her balance as to hold him. The ground was swaying a bit. "Sai, you laugh when you want to, not when it's appropriate."

He rested his forehead against hers. "I don't really think you're ugly. I'm just doing what the book about making friends said."

"Sai, quit doing what books say. Just do what you feel like you should do. It'll be ok."

"You sure Sakura-chan? I might do something wrong."

"Then you do something wrong, you get over it, and you go on. That's how things work."

He kissed her awkwardly. She jumped back and almost fell. "Sai, what are you doing?"

"You said do what I feel like."

"Kissing is out of the question. You're a friend Sai. Friends don't kiss." Well, not unless they're really hot friends with one eye and a load of angst, she thought.

"Yeah, she's got an ugly ginger guy with acne," Naruto said. This was apparently the funniest thing he'd ever said, at least to him. He roared with laughter.

Sai looked confused and upset.

"Hey, it's not that big of a deal. If I wasn't already seeing someone, I'd totally be into you," she lied.

Sai smiled, and this time she thought maybe it was a real smile. "Thank you Sakura-chan."

"Hey, Naruto said from the ground, "is that Ino?"

Sakura looked down the street and saw a vaguely familiar, purple-clad form swaying their way, being supported by a taller man.

"Yeah, that's Ino," she said. She had a really had feeling about this.

"Let's go see how Beautiful is doing," Sai said, and stumbled toward her. They met under a streetlight, and Sakura didn't like what she saw. Ino was so drunk she couldn't even open her eyes properly, and her lipstick was smudged. She hung on some guy's arm limply.

The man with her was sober, or close to it. He was thin and attractive in a slightly sleazy way.

"What?" he asked when he saw them staring, and flicked a cigarette at Naruto. "She's legal. This isn't your business."

"She's our friend," Sai said. "That makes it our business, Handsome." He looked at Ino, who was murmuring drunkenly.

"Ino, what's going on?"

"This nice man's going to help me out with a few problems," she said and laughed drunkenly.

Ino belched and frowned. "Ew. Vodka has bounce back."

Naruto stepped forward, fists clenched. "You'd better go back to the bar and fish for someone with less friends, jerk."

"You want some kid?" the stranger asked. He didn't let his hold on Ino loose. "You're too drunk to do anything about it. You can barely stand. Again, this isn't your business."

He turned away and started half-dragging Ino down the street. Naruto turned and grabbed him by the shoulder, spinning him around until their faces were just inches away. He snarled, and the fox whiskers grew more distinct.

Uh oh, Sakura thought. She knew what came next – fox time. "Naruto, it's against the law for a ninja to assault a civilian, no matter what."

The man gasped and dropped Ino. Sakura managed to grab her before she hit the ground. "Bitch! You didn't tell me you were a ninja."

"You didn't ask," she said, and laughed. "You didn't care, and neither did I. For all I know you could be the Fire Lord himself, or a trash man. Barry, Harold, Barold – whatever your name is, I don't care."

"Screw this. He turned to Naruto. I had no idea, man. Take her, just let me go."

Naruto spit in his face. "Get out of here while I can still control myself."

The man turned to leave, only to come face to face with Sai. Sai punched him in the face and he dropped.

"Sai," Sakura said, "you can't do that! We're all in trouble, now."

"You said to do what I feel like. I haven't read anything about this, but I think it's worth being in trouble every once in a while."

"You're ok in my book, Sai," Naruto said. "Why don't you move him out of the street and let's get Ino where she can sleep it off?"

Sai moved him out of the way and they got out of the streetlight, hoping there weren't any witnesses. They hadn't seen anyone, yet.

"We need to get out of here," Sakura said. "My place is closest."

"What about your mom?" Naruto asked.

"She'll be asleep by now and she doesn't hear well anyway. We just need to be quiet."

Ino chose that moment to wake up just a bit. "Aw, Sakura, you should have let me have a little fun. I was going to go to his place and pretend he was Saskue. Why'd you do that?"

"Because tomorrow you'd hate me if I didn't. What about Choji?"

"Screw Choji," Ino said. "He's a better-than-thou little prick. He won't have me just because I have to take some crappy missions. I want someone to screw and forget."

She looked Sai over. "I know you, right?"

"We met a couple times. I did missions with you a few times."

"You're tall, dark, and handsome. Wanna find a dark corner somewhere and make me not a virgin?"

Ino's a virgin? Sakura thought. That was a surprise. She hadn't exactly said what she'd done on those missions she'd mentioned.

"It's inappropriate to take advantage of a comrade in a drunken state," Sai said. "You need rest, water, and probably a Tylenol."

"Ah, well. You're loss, Slim. To the Haruno house!" she said and tried to walk by herself. She didn't make it very far. Naruto and Sakura supported her between them.

"We'll see you later Sai," Sakura said. "Thanks for helping."

He nodded and left silently.

Ino was passed out by the time they reached Sakura's house. As they lifted her through the window, she became an unwieldy mass of flesh.

"Be careful not to hit her arm," Sakura said.

"Ok, how much do you think she had to drink?" Naruto asked.

"I'd say way too much. I'm going to check her for alcohol poisoning when we get her in bed."

Ino giggled. "At least someone's getting me in bed. Hey Naruto. You getting me in bed?" She passed out again.

Naruto groaned. "How about we don't tell Hinata about that last part?"

"Deal," Sakura said. "She's just drunk. She probably won't remember tomorrow anyway."

About that time the lamp by her bed came on. Sakura turned to see her mom sitting in a chair, in her bathrobe with her long pink hair in curlers for the night.

"Hi miss Haruno," Naruto said.

"Hello Uzumaki. I see you're being a good influence on my daughter, as always."

"This isn't what it looks like," Sakura said.

"Really, so I'm not seeing you dragging your extremely drunk friend into my home and talking about possible alcohol poisoning."

"Ok, so it is what it seems like," Naruto said.

"Shut up Naruto," Sakura said.

"Sakura, I'm so mad I can't see straight. First you haven't come home until well after midnight most of this week. You know this house has a curfew. And now this? You will tell me what's going on in my house, young lady."

Sakura tried to control her temper, but she was still a little drunk. "I'm twenty years old. I don't have to explain anything."

"You do if you want to keep living here. I don't ask much, but I won't have you sneaking around doing who knows what to I don't know who."

"We found Ino with some guy. He was about to drag her off somewhere, and we just couldn't leave her. I was going to let her sleep it off and have a good talk with her in the morning. I need to check her for alcohol poisoning real quick."

"Ok, but I'm staying right here." As Sakura checked Ino, she realized it was really hard to mold chakra when drunk. She had the superb chakra control of a medic-nin, too. If she was a regular ninja, she probably couldn't have used a jutsu to save her life. It was a sobering thought, and she decided to be very careful about when and where she drank alcohol.

Sakura's mom glared at Naruto the whole time. Sakura knew she still thought of him as Kyubi. Because of the law against discussing the sealing, her mom had never said it out loud. She had referred to him as "monster", "nuisance", and "disaster waiting to happen". She had even protested when Sakura was put on the same team as Naruto, but she had been told that civilians had no say in military matters, even in their own childrens' cases.

Naruto shifted around and looked at the floor. He knew why she hated him. She was giving him the exact same look he got from people who thought of him as the Kyubi. He didn't care much anymore, but it was uncomfortable to be stuck in the same room with someone who thought he was responsible for her husband's death. Sakura's father had died from demonic chakra poisoning after the Kyubi's attack.

When she was done she pulled off Ino's shoes and settled her in bed. "Oooo…Choji, do that again," Ino said.

Sakura's mom scowled. "And? Who's the mystery man you've been seeing? Is it you Naruto? If it is, this isn't going to go well. You're nothing but trouble."

"It's not Naruto, and you don't have to insult him. Going to the bar was my idea." She could take one for the team, and she didn't want her mom hating Naruto any more than she did.

"We just had some fun with some friends. I'm old enough to drink."

"Are you old enough to find your own place to live? Because if you don't tell me what's going on right now, you'd better have someone to stay with tomorrow, because you're out of here as soon as your little sluty friend wakes up."

"Hey," Naruto said, "you may be her mom but that's too much. She's not a slut. We love Ino."

"You shut up you little monster. No one's talking to you. You should have been still-born, brat."

Sakura wasn't too shocked. Her mom had been this way for years. "That's enough," she said. She made a mental not never to act this way to her friends. She needed to learn to reign in that temper or she'd end up just like her mom. If her father hadn't died, her mom would probably be alright, but she was a bitter old harpy now.

"Sakura-ni-chan, it's ok," Naruto said. "I'm used to it. Let's just take care of Ino."

"It's not ok, and I'll never get used to it." She turned to her mom. "He's saved my life many times, and he's never yelled at me once no matter how mean I was to him."

"Your father would die if he saw you right now," her mom said.

"Well then I guess it's a good thing he's already dead," she spat, and he mom's eyes grew wide.

"I'm so sorry," Sakura said. "I shouldn't have said that. I was just mad. Forgive me." She felt horrible, as if she'd just stabbed her mother.

Her mom stood to go. "When your obviously sluty friend wakes up, take her home, get your things, and don't come back."

"Not a problem," Sakura said. When the door shut she sat down where her mom had been.

"Where are you going to stay?" Naruto asked.

"I don't know. There's an all-night Diner on the edge of town. I'll hang out there and try to find a place tomorrow. I don't have too much stuff," she said. Ninjas don't accumulate, as a rule.

"You can crash at my place. It's really small, but you can have the bed. I'll take the floor in the living room."

"Thanks Naruto, but are you sure Hinata will be ok with this?"

"Yeah, she knows she can trust me." He got a sneaky look. "That is, unless you're going to stay with your new boyfriend. I could walk you there, if you like."

"Honestly, Naruto, you're a freaking ninja. You could be just a bit subtle sometimes. If you want to know who I'm dating, just ask. I won't tell you, but at least you won't look so silly about it."

"I'm worried about this. Why won't you tell me who it is? He doesn't hit you or something, does he?"

Sakura laughed. "Naruto, I can put my fist through a rock face if I want. Who do you know in town who could possibly be abusive to me?"

"Just Tsunade. No way! Are you and Granny doing it? That's really hot."

"Naruto, did Kakashi hit you in the head too many times when you were training the other day, because that's one of the weirdest things I've ever heard."

They were interrupted by Ino sitting up in bed and groaning. "Where am I? Sakura? Naruto? What are you doing here?"

"You had too much to drink so we brought you to my house," Sakura said.

"I seem to remember something about a guy. Was there someone with me?"

"Yeah, we'll talk more about that when you're feeling better. You did try to kiss Sai though," Sakura said. "Maybe you should be more careful about the drinking. You're a sloppy drunk."

"Alright, mom."

Sakura cringed. "Speaking of mom's, mine said when you woke up we have to go. I am officially kicked out."

"Because of me?"

"No, she's mad because I've been staying out to late and I won't tell her who I'm dating. I got mad and said something stupid."

She met Ino's eyes. "Rule One and Two," she mouthed.

"Oh, that. Yeah, I wish I knew who you were dating too. No big deal though, right? Where are you staying? I'd let you stay with me, but my parents wouldn't go for it."

"I'm going to stay at Naruto's place for awhile. I need to save some money for a place. I should be out by next month, though."

"Hinata's probably going to be ok, but what about Hiashi?"

"I've got to take care of my friends," Naruto said. "It's part of my Way of the Ninja. If Hiashi has a problem with that, we'll just have to work it out."

"Thank you Naruto," Sakura said. "You're a treasure of a friend. You know that?"

He grinned. "I'd never let you be homeless, Sakura-ni-chan! Believe it!"

She was only able to convince him to keep his bed by suggesting that Hinata did have a key, and she probably wouldn't like finding Sakura in Naruto's bed.

Naruto was wandering back from the kitchen with a glass of water later that morning when he heard Sakura mumbling in her sleep. "Oooh Kakashi. Do that again. Use your Sharingan. I like that."

Naruto dropped the glass in surprise, but the glass breaking didn't wake Sakura.

She must be really tired for that not to wake her, he thought.

"Mmmm…" she said in her sleep and smiled broadly. "Bad sensei."

Or maybe some one-eyed pervy bastard has been wearing her out so she's tired enough for me not to wake her up with a glass breaking_,_ he thought. He wished she had a ginger boyfriend with acne, but he knew the truth.

He dressed and left as quietly as possible, just in case the door would do what the glass wouldn't. He didn't want her to interfere with the "talk" he was about to have with a certain pervert. He was still feeling drunk enough to have trouble thinking about anything but beating his uncle.

Kakashi was having a really good evening. He had finished his mission half a day early. He had thought about finding Sakura, but he decided to take some time off and just chill for awhile. She could probably use a break, too. It wasn't good to be with one person too much.

He didn't drink a lot, but when he did he really enjoyed himself. He broke out the sake and his favorite movies and drank himself into a good buzz. He stopped when he was just drunk enough to talk back to the movies, explaining plot flaws to the various characters. He felt just right.

He was just starting to nod off at about 4:00 when he heard an aggressive banging on the door. He opened it to find a fuming Naruto. He had forgotten to take off his frog night-hat though, so the effect was totally lost.

"Hey Naruto, what's up? Nice hat."

Naruto didn't even speak; he just stepped inside the doorway and punched Kakashi solidly in the jaw. Kakashi flew backward and actually dented the wall.

"What the hell was that for?" Kakashi asked.

Naruto punched him again, this time in the cheek, and flood flowed from where he split the skin just under Kakashi's normal eye. He tried for a third hit, but Kakashi managed to gather his drunken wits about him enough to dodge sloppily.

"I'm sure Sakura will heal it for you," Naruto said. He tried to punch Kakashi again, but now that he was alerted Kakashi was able to avoid Naruto – just barely though. If Naruto started using chakra, he was finished. There was no way he could mold chakra right now. Alcohol impaired chakra control.

"You weren't supposed to find out this way," Kakashi said, and dodged a punch that would have given him a nasty black eye.

"Yeah, well, I don't like hearing my best friend muttering about her sensei in her sleep. How was I supposed to hear about it?"

"I would have told you eventually, or she would. It was our business. I just wanted some time to enjoy her away from prying eyes."

"You've had since she was what, seven? You like seven year olds Kakashi? I can't believe I failed her so badly that I didn't see this."

"Think about it. How did you know she was dating anyone?"

Naruto stopped trying to hit him for a moment. Thinking required his full attention; it wasn't his strong point.

"She's been acting weird lately. It took me awhile, but I noticed. I asked her what was going on, and she said she was dating someone."

"And if we'd been together for years, would she suddenly be acting weird now?" Kakashi asked, and hoped Naruto would be calm enough to act rationally. He had noticed that the fox whiskers were distinctly visible. That was never a good sign.

"So when did this happen?" Naruto asked. "I'm not saying I won't still beat your ass for this. I just want to know if we're talking a few broken bones or full on body cast."

Kakashi's pride demanded a response. "You're assuming a lot there, brat. I'm drunk, not unconscious. I can still take you."

Naruto punched at him again, missing but destroying a wall. Kakashi hoped it wasn't a load-bearing wall. He liked this place.

"Just since I was captured. I swear I never had any feelings for her before." He was getting tired of telling this story. "If you really insist on this, meet me on training field six. There's no reason to wreck my apartment."

He transported and waited for Naruto. He didn't even bother with the cut on his face, even though he could feel the blood running. He was too busy trying to figure out how to defend himself without killing Naruto or getting himself killed.

He could probably use his chakra in a couple of hours, but that was too late. Even if he could, most of his best moves were far too deadly to use against a friend. Judging by Naruto's lack of jutsus in his apartment, he had probably come to the same conclusion, or he might be too drunk to use chakra himself. It would probably be straight Tai-jutsu – painful, but not deadly unless it was really meant to be deadly.

Naruto didn't waste any words. He just charged in, fists flying. Kakashi dodged most of the hits, but the ones that struck were powerful. Naruto had obviously been working hard physically, and he had a stronger build than Kakashi. If he had been sober, Kakashi could have dodged all the attacks, but he was seriously outmatched at the moment.

Kakashi found himself losing ground. He wasn't about to run though. He had the feeling if they didn't finish this here, they could never be friends again. He was starting to think Naruto was going to win, but it just wasn't in him to give up. Naruto landed a foot to his head and then a fist to the kidneys and Kakashi hit the ground hard. His arm snapped under him, and he felt a couple of ribs give way. He slid along the ground a good five feet and a sharp rock cut through his shoulder and out the other side like a knife through cake. He came to rest with the rock sticking through him.

He leapt up and off the rock, using only his legs. His arm hung useless beside him, and he could feel an alarming amount of blood flowing down his back and over his chest from the deep wound. His breath hitched with pain every time he tried to inhale. He swayed uncertainly and waited for the pounding to come. He would at least take it standing up.

Naruto stared at the spreading red stain on Kakashi's shirt. "You're bleeding… a lot," he said. He sounded frightened.

"That tends to happen when friends treat you like a training dummy," Kakashi said. His knees buckled, and Naruto caught him under the arm to keep him from hitting his head.

"That's my bad arm! Bad arm!" Kakashi said, and Naruto laid him on the ground.

"Oh shit. Oh shit. I'm sorry Oji-Kakashi. I was drunk, and I thought you hurt Sakura. Oh shit."

"Quit freaking out and get a medic. I'm bleeding too much here. You know how embarrassed I'm going to be if I bleed out because you beat me while I was drunk? I'll never be able to face Gai in the afterlife."

Naruto just stared.

"Are you still drunk? Get a fucking medic!" Kakashi said.

"I'm so sorry," Naruto said.

"Get me some help and let this Sakura thing go and we'll call it even, ok?"

Naruto nodded and ran toward the village. Kakashi had just enough consciousness to hope Naruto wouldn't be too hard on himself if he died. Judging from the amount of blood he was losing, it was a very real possibility. He couldn't let the kid wallow in grief like he had done for so many years. He dipped his finger in his own blood and wrote Naruto a message on the ground.

Sakura ran onto the field with her med-kit and set right to work. His heart-rate was slow, and his breathing was shallow. She put a blood pill in his mouth and broke it.

She did a preliminary exam and healed the wound that had pierced his clavicle. She gingerly turned him over to get at the backside of the wound, and healed that as well. She mended the ribs and a bruised kidney. He didn't have any other internal damage. She healed the worst cuts and the broken arm, and then she felt her chakra drain. Because she was drunk, that large wound had taken a lot out of her. The smaller wounds and bruises would have to wait.

Naruto stared at the ground near Kakashi. They had chosen one of the fields kept well-lit for night practices. Under the harsh yellow light, Naruto could make out a word drawn sloppily in Kakashi's blood. It just said, "forgiven."

"What should we do?" Naruto asked.

"We need to get him home," Sakura said. "And then you need to give me some answers. How did you two manage to spar enough to do this? I smell booze on him. Why were you sparing when you were both drunk? What were you two thinking?"

"Shouldn't we take him to the hospital?" Naruto asked. "He looks really bad."

"He hates hospitals, and they can't do anything there I can't do for him at his place."

She lifted him in her arms, thankful again for the marvelous strength that Tsunade had taught her to harness. She moved quietly through the village.

When they reached his apartment, she was shocked at the damage she found within. One of the walls had been destroyed, and she could see into the bedroom through the hole. She stepped over debris and laid her scarecrow on the bed.

"If he doesn't get an infection he should be ok. I'll probably need to give him another blood pill in thirty minutes or so. I think since you made this mess you should clean it up, don't you?"

She stopped as she saw Naruto's face. He was standing in the doorway, with his eyes locked on Kakashi's death-like pale face.

"He'll heal," Sakura said. "He's forgiven you already. I don't know why you two were training at this hour, but you're lucky you got to me in time."

"Hey kid," they heard from Kakashi. "Don't take it too hard. Training accidents happen right?" His voice was weak, but it was good to hear him speak.

"Yeah," Naruto said. "Training accidents happen. I'm a dumbass. We're cool?"

"Yeah, we're cool. Let's not do that again, though." He closed his eye. "I'm really cold."

"That's the blood loss," Sakura said, and pulled another blanket over him. "I'll give you another blood pill in awhile. Try to rest. I figured you'd rather be here than in the hospital."

"Yeah, I could use a hot nurse to keep me warm right now, though." He opened his eye and tried to focus on her. "Hey look, there's a hot nurse right there."

She looked at Naruto, who just shrugged. "I already know. You were talking about him in your sleep."

"And you're ok with this?" she asked.

"Not really, but it's not like I have a choice. He's a perv and a lazy bastard, but I don't think he'll hurt you."

"Thanks for the glowing recommendation," Kakashi said.

"Oh, go to sleep," Naruto said.

"Sounds good," Kakashi said. "We need to spar again when I'm sober. I won't go so easy on you next time."

"You coming back to my place, or are you staying here?" Naruto asked.

"I'll stay here," she said. "Thanks for letting me crash there."

"You might want to stay with me for awhile." He looked over at Kakashi to make sure he was actually asleep, but lowered his voice just in case the old coot was faking it.

"You can't just show up here with your bags and want to stay. That's kind of "creepy girlfriend." Let him invite you."

"Sure, thanks Naruto. I'll stop by tomorrow and let you know what's happening."

After Naruto left she crawled in bed and curled up to him. His skin was clammy and he was covered in Goosebumps. She pulled the blankets up to their necks. "Poor sensei," she said.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 Insane

Ino was a case study in contradictions. For all her bravado and loud chatter, she was a terrified woman. She sat with Sakura overlooking Lake Uchia and worked to get up the guts to say what needed to be said.

"It's about last night," she said. "I sort of remember some of it, and I need to know what happened."

"I don't think much happened, short of some random sleaze kissing you. We stopped him from taking you home, but I think you need to be more careful about who you drink around. You invited Sai to take your virginity, by the way."

"I did what?" Ino's neck snapped around toward Sakura.

"Yeah. Fortunately he's not the type to do that."

"Remember when Ten-ten asked me how I could feel so calloused about men, and I said I'd talk about it when I was ready?"

"Yeah," Sakura said. "Do you need to talk?"

"I can't imagine life without Choji, but I'm scared to death to be with him at the same time."

"Why? He's one of the sweetest guys I know. I don't do sweet, but he's not a bad catch."

"He doesn't know some things about me. I'm afraid he'd be disgusted with me if he knew."

"I doubt it. He has a really big heart."

"Sakura when I was young my uncle did…things to me. It was awful, and I'm afraid if I tell Choji he'll hate me."

"Oh Ino," Sakura said as her friend started to cry. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

She wondered if she hadn't been so obsessed with Saskue she might have seen what was going on with her friend.

"Did anyone know?"

"I told Asuma, eventually. He turned my uncle in."

"I remember an uncle dying of pneumonia. Was that him?"

"Yeah, but the pneumonia story was a cover-up. When Ibiki interrogated him, he "accidentally" used too much chakra and killed him. It took him a week to die – horribly."

"Ibiki killed your uncle?"

"It was never proven, but it seems obvious to me, and I'll always love him for it."

"Ino, Choji really loves you. Talk to him. Look, don't try to pick up random guys to fix things. That won't work. You don't want that; you want Choji. Something really bad could have happened last night."

"I know. I'm really glad you guys were there."

"That's what friends are for," Sakura said.

When Choji got home that night he found a not on his door. "Choji, we need to talk. Love, Ino."

His heart jumped. Maybe she was going to remove the one obstacle between them. He had bought an engagement ring a year ago when he realized how much he loved her. He was just waiting for her to be done with the seduction missions. He didn't judge her for her choices, but he couldn't handle the thought of another man putting his hands on his precious, precious Ino.

If he had to wait until she was 40 and her crow's feet and graying hair made her ineligible for those missions, he would do it.

Kakashi woke up to a pounding headache. His body hurt in too many places to count. He hoped Sakura could use some more chakra soon. He had grown spoiled; it was good to have a medic-nin on tap. She had thoughtfully placed a wet rag over his eyes.

He groaned loudly, and a glass of water was placed in his hand.

"Thanks Honey," he said.

"Your welcome, Darling," a deep voice said.

He pulled off the wet rag and squinted against the light.

"Jiryiah? What are you doing here? Turn off that light." He closed his eyes. He hated hangovers, and hangovers after injuries were just adding insult to, well, injury.

He heard the lamp switch and opened his eyes experimentally. Jiryiah tossed him his headband, which he tied over the Sharingan.

He didn't bother with the mask around Jiryiah. There was no point to wearing a mask around a man who'd already seen though most of the other masks he wore on his soul.

"I needed to talk to you about some things. Sakura actually locked the door, unlike a Jounin I know. I had to find an alternate route inside. It's a good thing the chakra traps around here recognized me."

"You know about those? I thought I hid those traps pretty well. My friends just think I don't bother to lock the doors."

"I know better. I felt my chakra being scanned the first time I ever approached your doorway. Impressive."

"I have them keyed to people I want in here. Anyone else would feel a sudden compulsion to go buy yogurt. You only compliment me when you want something. Why are you here?"

Jiryiah grinned. "What, you don't trust your old uncle?"

"I trust you about as far as I can throw you, which isn't very far right now. And you know I never thought of you as an uncle. You're more like a pesky older brother who won't go away and talks way too much."

"Yes, well, your pesky older brother wants to talk then?"

"Now? Can't we do this later? I just got my ass kicked by a human tank, and I almost bled to death last night."

"Yeah, I noticed you looked worse than usual, and that takes some doing. What happened?"

"Naruto heard Sakura talking in her sleep. Apparently I'm so sexy being with me when she's awake isn't enough. He came after me, we were both drunk and I couldn't mold chakra. He's been working out a lot, and he's getting pretty good with physical attacks. That's never been my strong point, and he kicked my ass. I ended up getting my shoulder impaled on a rock."

"How do you feel about that?" Jiryiah asked.

"No. We are not doing that – period. End of discussion."

"We aren't doing what?" Jiryiah had a confused look Kakashi was sure he was faking.

"We're not having a talk about my _feelings._ You're such a girl, Jiryiah. No, you're like an older version of Naruto, always wanting to talk about friends and feelings. It's not necessary."

"I'm the only one you've talked to about anything serious since Sakumo died, aren't I? You have to let it out, or you'll end up like Anko. She's a bomb just waiting to go off and kill us all."

"I talk to Asuma."

"No, you and Asuma bullshit. Is there anyone you trust?"

"Not really. I just can't; it's not in me."

Jiryiah looked sad. "You don't even trust me after all these years?"

"I trust you as much as anyone. You've seen me without my mask; that should tell you something. I just don't like touchy-feely conversations."

"Emotions aren't a bad thing, Kakashi. They're what make us human. I know you didn't teach your students this crap you're spewing."

"I told them what I thought they needed to hear, and that was positive things to help them. I'm just having a bad day."

"You're having a bad day like I'm bald, boy. You alternately talk about the power of friendship and teamwork and then about being alone and not needing people. I don't think you know what you want."

"I don't see the need to discuss this. I'm 28 years old, that's old enough to figure my own life out, and if not it's probably too late to start worrying about it now."

"I have concerns," Jiryiah said. "I know I'm being nosy, but I practically raised you. I feel that I have a right to take an interest."

"Fine," Kakashi said. "You'll get it out of me eventually anyway. Sometimes I see you with this look that I know means you want to talk about deep things, and I think I'll talk about the weather or chicks or something, and the next thing I know we're talking about something deep like that shit that happened with Akiko."

"What does Akiko have to do with this?"

"Nothing, that just a random situation I wouldn't want to talk about. I was using an example to make a point."

"Or, you've been thinking about her," Jiryiah said.

"Some, but it doesn't hurt so much since Sakura came along."

"You never did tell me what happened between you two."

"Kurenai, of all people told me to stop by her house because she had something she needed to tell me. I just knew she was going to try to seduce me, and then I'd have to let her down gently. I didn't know Asuma very well then, but I've never been the cheating type – too much work.

So she told me she was out drinking with Akiko, who told her she was only dating me so she could get a baby with the White Chakra. I called Kurenai a liar and stormed out. That Kurenai is one classy lady. She never held that against me.

So a couple nights later, Akiko and I were in bed, and I went to get a condom.

She said to me, "you don't need that."

And I said, "I'm not taking any chances. I'm not ready to be a father yet."

I turned around for just a few seconds, and when I turned back she had gotten the condom and was poking a hole in it with a needle. We had a huge fight, and I told her what Kurenai had said. She said it was all true, and that I was a self-obsessed asshole. Only my body and genetic material were worth getting."

"And?" Jiryiah said when he stopped talking. He purposely pushed aside thoughts of using this in his next book. His nephew's pain was off limits.

"And I kicked her out, and she died a week later in battle, and I was glad to be rid of her."

"What does all this have to do with Sakura?" Jiryiah asked.

"Who said it has anything to do with Sakura?"

"When's the last time you thought about Akiko?" Jiryiah asked.

"I don't know. It's been years, why?"

"All of a sudden you start a new relationship with a girl who doesn't seem to be like the usual sluts you get with, and you're thinking about the worst liar you ever dated. You think this is a coincidence?"

"Maybe not. I was worried about Sakura being like Akiko, but I proved to myself she's not."

"How?"

"It was my name she was screaming Saturday and not Saskue's." He wasn't about to explain his "no sex" conversation. He knew Jiryiah wouldn't approve. It had shown him that she was interested in more than one part of him, though.

"The Uchia boy? You were worried about him?"

"Yeah, some." He was lying, but he wanted to turn the conversation somewhere else.

"That's not really what I came to talk about, though," Jiryiah said. "I've been noticing some symptoms of Jounin Psychosis for a while now. It didn't seem that bad, so I didn't interfere. I try not to intrude in your life."

"Like hell you don't," Kakashi said. "Sometimes you still treat me like I'm a teenager who needs a good lecture."

"Well, I interfere a lot less than I'd like to. Sometimes you just seem to go off to this other place, and your face blanks out. Did you know that?"

"It happens. No Jounin is sane; you know that. I'm just thinking. Sometimes I hear voices from the past."

"Sakura's a nice girl, and she doesn't deserve to be here when you lose it and kill her thinking she's a Sound Nin or something."

"I'd never do that."

"It's happened before to a Hyunga, before you were born. Do you still hear Obito's voice in your eye?"

"He gives me good advice," Kakashi said defensively.

"You're telling me an imaginary voice in your eye gives you good advice, and you don't think that's a problem?"

"It's not imaginary, it's a ghost. It started after he died, so it can't have anything to do with Jounin Psychosis. He told me to date Sakura. That's the best advice anyone's ever given me."

"Really, what exactly did he tell you?"

"His exact words were, "If you don't hit that, I know you're gay." Obito was never subtle."

Jiryiah laughed in spite of himself. "No, he never was."

"Ok, so it's weird, but it's nothing that would ever hurt Sakura. She understands what she's getting into."

"Really, did you tell her about the voice in your head?"

"Not yet, but I will, when it's time."

Jiryiah shook his head. "I'm watching out for you, kid. I know you think you're all grown up and don't need anyone, but I'm always here. If it gets to be too much, or you start having random violent thoughts, come find me, ok?"

"I think I can promise you that. I would do anything to avoid hurting the people I love."

That night he found out about Sakura's living situation.

"What do you mean you're sleeping in Naruto's living room? I have a whole apartment here."

"I wasn't invited."

"I wouldn't have thought you'd need an invite. If you want to be formal, I'm inviting you then."

She squealed happily and went to get her things. Kakashi looked around his apartment, savoring the last bits of bachelorhood.

Two weeks later, Sakura came home from work and practically burst in the door in her excitement. Kakashi had been on a mission for days, and he should have gotten home today. She had a nice dinner and a nicer evening planned.

"Hey," she yelled as she came in. "I hope you're hungry."

She didn't hear an answer. "Kakashi, are you here?"

She heard a mumbled answer from the kitchen, and went in, chattering happily as she went. "I have some chicken, and I thought I'd make a stir-fry, and…"

She stopped. He sat at the table with his head face down on the table-top.

"Kakashi, what are you doing?"

He raised his head, and his normal eye was bloodshot. "I'm thinking. What's it look like I'm doing?"

"Why? What's going on?"

"S-rank mission," he said. "Can't talk about it."

"It went bad?" she asked.

"Really bad. I can't say anything else though. Shut up."

"Shut up?" she asked, surprised. He didn't talk to her like that.

"Not you, Obito. He won't stop talking."

"Isn't Obito your friend that died?" She was really confused now.

"Yeah, but he won't shut up. He's freaking out about something that happened on the mission. I thought I could drown him out, but it's not working."

"I think you need to go to bed. Is there anything I can do?"

"Can you stop a ghost from crying? Because I can't."

"Kakashi, I think something's wrong here," she said. "I want to check you out."

"I'm not injured. I just need some time to think."

"Sure, you and the voice in your head."

"Eye," he said. "The voice is in my eye, and it's not a voice; it's a ghost. There's a major difference. That's where he lives now. He's lived there for a long time. He's usually not so loud though."

Sakura was afraid. She had no idea what was happening to Kakashi.

She remembered Jiryiah telling her he was there to help, and decided to ask him a few things. She found him after checking several bathhouses, pubs, and whorehouses.

He was at one of the classier tea-houses, chatting up a waitress, but he lost interest in the server as soon as Sakura said, "I need your help, Jiriah-sama. There's something wrong with Kakashi. I know you're his uncle, and his sister and Gai don't know about us yet. You're the only person I could think of."

"What's wrong?" he asked, but he had a bad feeling he knew. Jounin Psychosis was probably rearing its ugly head. He had a small talent for foreseeing, and he had known Kakashi's crisis would be soon. He had tried to warn Kakashi, but the kid was stubborn.

"He said something went really wrong on a mission and he couldn't talk about it, and then he started talking about Uchia Obito living in his eye. I think he's having an argument with Obito right now."

"Ok, let me settle up here and I'll head over to his place." He hoped it wasn't about to be a full-blown episode, but it had the makings of a long night.

When they got to the apartment, Kakashi was playing with a kunai in the kitchen. He twirled it absently on his finger and stared at it with one bloodshot eye that was usually blue.

His Sharingan leaked tears that crept out from under his headband. Sakura thought it was disturbing to see one eye cry and the other eye tearless.

"Is the Sharingan eye ok?" Jiryiah asked. "It doesn't usually do that."

"Obito's crying," Kakashi said and laughed. It was a high-pitched laugh, and Sakura didn't like the sound of it. He sounded more than a little hysterical. "He always was over-emotional. I keep telling him bad things happen on missions. He won't hear it though.

It was my fault, just like with Obito. I can't believe I failed him like that. I don't deserve to live."

"What was your fault, Kakashi?" Jiryiah asked.

Kakashi shook his head. "S-rank mission. I can't say anything until tomorrow. The mission's still continuing. My part's finished, so I was sent home."

"I don't know what to do," she whispered to Jiryiah.

"Let's get him in bed. He said he can talk about it tomorrow. We'll just have to wait until then. I'll stay here with you two."

"I can handle it," she said. "You don't have to stay. There's just the couch."

"I'm concerned that he might try to hurt you," Jiryiah said. "I think he's having a psychotic episode, and those can be extremely dangerous."

"Tsunade-sama told me about the Jounin Psychosis when we started dating. Do you think this is what's happening?"

"I think it might be happening. I have an idea. Asuma is usually a calming influence."

He turned to Kakashi. "Do you want to talk to Asuma? I'll go get him."

Kakashi met Jiryiah's eyes. "That won't do any good. His ghost can't fit in my eye with Obito."

"Noni?" Jiryiah asked. He had no response to that.

"You'd have to find his ghost first, and I don't know if it's still with the corpse or not. It doesn't matter though, because I don't have any room left in my eye."

Sakura gasped.

"What, Sakura? You have an idea?" Jiryiah asked.

"He was on that mission with Asuma and now he's talking about Asuma's ghost. You don't think Asuma's dead, do you?"

"Kakashi, did something happen to Asuma?" Jiryiah asked.

He groaned and laid his head on his arms, hiding his face from view. "S-class mission. I can't talk about it anymore, seriously."

Sakura helped him into bed. He went without much fuss, and fell asleep quickly.

She went into the kitchen and sat at the table. She picked up the kunai Kakashi had been fiddling with and played with it a bit. She and Jiryiah sat in tired silence.

"He and Asuma were really close. This might have brought him to a breaking point," Jiryiah said. "We'll need to get him to the psych ward tomorrow and have the psych-nins look him over. I've seen these episodes before, and if the person gets through it, they're usually ok until the next one."

"The next one?" Sakura asked. "You mean this will happen again?"

"Yes, it's just part of the massive chakra usage and the constant proximity to death Jounins face. The chakra usage can cause psychotic breaks eventually, but it's different than a usual psychotic break. Some Jounin's have one before they're 30, and then again several times in their lives. It's generally set off by an extremely stressful event. He should be ok with treatment, but it will take awhile. Once they have one break though, they are susceptible to more later in life.

Sometimes you get a situation like Hitachi's or Orochimaru's though. Ninjas don't always come back from a psychotic break."

"You mean he could end up like Itachi or Orochimaru? You can't be serious."

Jiryiah took one of her hands in his own. His massive gnarled hand engulfed her smaller one. "Unfortunately I am serious. Itachi, Orochimaru, and Kakashi have some disturbing similarities. All three of them were Ninjas dedicated to serving their village. Itachi and Orochimaru were very good people when they were younger. All three of them took the idea of duty to an obsession, and none of them knew when to stop.

I don't know why Itachi snapped, but with Orochimaru one of his students died, and he lost it completely. He began to believe that he could find immortality and help Konoha ninjas live forever. It just got worse from there, and eventually he ended up like he was when you knew of him.

All three of them had problems with emotional detachment. I have more hope for Kakashi, because he lets at least a few people in, but it could go completely pear-shaped. If it does, you need to get out before you get hurt."

Sakura leaned into the old Sanin's shoulder and finally let loose the tears she'd been holding back. She hadn't wanted to stress Kakashi any more than he was.

"I can't," she said. "I can't leave him, especially now. How could you even say that?"

He rubbed her back gently. He knew how to calm a woman. "He wouldn't want to hurt you, and if he was in his right mind he'd probably tell you to leave himself. I'm not saying go now; just keep your eyes open. Family is usually the ones who die when a Jounin breaks completely. It would be you, me, Gai, Naruto, and Hurricane who would be in the most danger."

She wiped away the tears. "I won't believe it. I'm sorry Jiryiah-sama, but I don't believe he'd ever hurt us."

She buried her head in his chest and sobbed bitterly. "It's ok, child," he murmured. "I'll protect you, even from your foolish little self. That's what Sanins do."

"What the hell is going on in my kitchen, and why are you cuddling my girlfriend, you lecherous old geezer?"

They looked up to see Kakashi frowning in the kitchen doorway. "Sakura, is there something you need to tell me?" Even when he was speaking to Sakura he had his eye on Jiryiah, and Sakura and Jiryiah could both feel killing intent spreading from him like oil on one of Sai's canvases.

"I was just upset because of what happened. I'm sorry Asuma died, Kakashi. I just needed to cry a bit I guess."

"What are you talking about? Asuma's just fine," Kakashi said.

"You told us he was dead," Sakura said. "Or at least you strongly implied it. You kept talking about S-class missions going wrong and Asuma's ghost not fitting in your eye."

"I came home and went to bed. I haven't seen you since before I left for the mission. It was a B-class escort mission, and it was absolutely boring. No one was even slightly injured.

Then I woke up, went for a piss, and found my uncle holding you in a romantic way. Again, what the hell's going on here?"

Jiryiah hoped things weren't about to get out of hand. "What's going on here is you aren't well. You don't remember what happened in here just an hour or so ago, do you? You're having a Jounin Crisis, and we need to get you to the hospital before it gets worse."

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about. I do know you're holding the most precious thing in my life like you have a right to her. She's my treasure. If you did anything to her I'll kill you."

The killing intent had subsided as they had been talking, but now it flared so strongly Sakura and Jiryiah felt like they were in the mental equivalent of an oven.

Jiryiah patted Sakura on the back, keeping his eyes on Kakashi the whole time. He kept his voice at a low calming tone, but made sure he was still loud enough for Kakashi to hear so that he wouldn't be paranoid.

"Report to Tsunade, Sakura," he said. "Don't come back here until I come get you. Stay at Naruto's tonight if I don't come for you."

She looked back at Kakashi. "I can't leave. He needs me."

Jiryiah's voice became authoritative. "This isn't Kakashi's uncle talking, Sakura. I'm telling you as a Sanin of the village. Make a report to Tsunade. That's a direct order. Go now, ninja."

She fled the house, hoping Jiryiah could hold off Kakashi's temper until Tsunade-sama arrived. Even in his worst state, she hoped Kakashi would recognize Tsunade's authority.

Tsunade took immediate action. She sent Anbu with orders for an all Jounin alert, and she ordered all Anbu – active and inactive – to be on highest alert outside Hatake Kakashi's apartment.

She sent Sakura to Naruto's apartment and told her to stay there until sent for. Tsunade usually tried to carry herself with dignity, especially in stressful situations. She felt that it exerted a sense of authority and calm to those around her. Tonight, though, she kicked off her high heels and ran through the village as fast as she could move.

There were no signs of Anbu around his house, but she knew they were in the shadows, waiting for her orders. Various jounin surrounded his apartment with worried looks. None of them tried to stop her as she approached the house; they knew their place.

She stopped at the door and considered her next move. If she just burst in the door, any negotiations Jiryiah might have had would be forfeit. She had a sudden fear that Kakashi might have already killed Jiryiah. Jiryiah was more than a match for him, but if Kakashi managed to catch someone in his Sharingan, they were a dead man.

She knocked on the door in a friendly I-just-came-to-visit kind of manner. "Kakashi, Sakura came by and she's upset. She said you're not feeling well and she wanted me to come see you."

She didn't get any answer. Please don't let Jiryiah be dead_,_ she thought.

What she saw sent shivers up her back and stopped her at the doorway. Jiryiah was in one of the kitchen chairs. Kakashi was holding him by the collar with one hand, and he held a kunai to the old man's throat with his other hand. The kunai was just an inch from the artery, and both men stared into each other's eyes with intense focus.

Killing intent rolled off of Kakashi, but was noticeably absent from Jiryiah. He spoke to his nephew quietly. "Don't do this. There's other ways, and we can get you help. You know there are people who care about you. It doesn't have to be like this."

Kakashi's back was to Tsunade. She heard him snarl like a dog. When he spoke his voice was full of hate. "Nice try, but I know you're not Jiryiah. I don't know who you are, but you'd better tell me what's going on or I will kill you."

"And how exactly do you know I'm not Jiryiah?" He kept his voice low, and Tsunade heard no fear. She decided to let Jiryiah negotiate. He was good at getting people to do things, and if Kakashi didn't recognize Jiryiah, he might not know her either. Then he would feel surrounded and might do something even more drastic.

She had faith in Jiryiah. The hold Kakashi had wasn't very strong, and the old Sanin probably had a dozen ways to break it - she hoped. He was probably allowing Kakashi to think he had him in check so he could talk to him.

"Your face is wrong," Kakashi said. "It keeps turning into Naruto's face, or Sensei's or Dad's. It's leaking. Who are you?" he shouted.

"It's just Jiryiah. Put down the kunai and let's talk. I want to help you."

Kakashi pressed against the knife against his throat, and a small line of blood leaked under the knife's edge. Jiryiah kicked his feet back, sending the chair backward and his neck away from the knife. He kicked forward, making Kakashi leap back in order to avoid being tripped.

Jiryiah came at him again, and Kakashi jumped out of the way. Kakashi began making furiously fast hand signals, and Tsunade's worst fears for this situation materialized as a Chidori appeared.

He rushed at Jiryiah, who narrowly avoided him. The Chidori passed cleanly through his wall, leaving a gaping hole.

Tsunade needed to get him out of here so the Anbu and Jounins could try to take him, without killing him if possible. She made a move to herd him out of the door, but he outmaneuvered her. She was insulted when she realized he was after Jiryiah instead of her.

He pulled the headband up, and the black specks in his eye started to spin. Jiryiah's face went blank, and he stopped moving. He simply stood there as a Chidori came directly for his heart.

"No!" Tsunade yelled and pushed Jiryiah out of the way, her body tensing for the searing electrical attack she knew was about to end her life.

Kakashi pulled the attack to the right just in time to put another hole in the wall instead of Tsunade's head. The Chidori fizzled, and he blinked in confusion. "Tsunade-sama?"

"Shinobi! Stand at attention!" Tsunade yelled forcefully, hoping his training would take over.

He snapped to attention. "Tsunade-sama, that man wants to kill you!" Kakashi said.

She looked at Jiryiah to see that he was slumped against the wall – completely unconscious. She decided to take a different direction.

"You did a good job subduing him, but we need him alive for interrogation. You need to go to the hospital and see that arm wound tended to."

"What arm wound? I'm fine."

She performed a genjutsu that made him see what she wanted him to see. "Oh, that arm wound. Are you sure I'm not needed?"

"Mission complete, shiobi. Report to the hospital as ordered."

"Hai, Tsunade-sama."

As he turned to leave, she hit him in the back of the head with the flat of her hand, placing just enough chakra in his brain to knock him out without frying his mind. She pulled down the rope from his drapes and tied his hands and legs securely. Then she tied the ropes to each other, effectively keeping him immobile – she hoped. He was a slippery brat when he wanted to be.

She moved to Jiryiah, and did a quick check on his health. She woke him easily.

"Is the kid ok?" he asked.

"Yes, he's fine. He almost got you though."

"Did he? I don't remember anything after he pulled the headband up but red, black, and pain. I can't move," he added. "I don't know what he did, but the brat paralyzed me."

She checked his spine. "He just knocked you out and put a chakra block in the spinal column. Easily taken care of."

She looked at the unconscious ninja. "I need to get him taken care of, but I need to take care of something else important first."

"What's that?" Jiryiah asked.

She sat on the floor by him. "I almost lost you just then. I just wanted you to know, I read your books."

"Books? Plural?"

"Yes, all of them. They're wonderful, and don't you ever quit writing. That's an order from the Hokage."

"You can give me orders anytime," he leered.

She kissed him fully on the mouth. "I intend to."

Kakashi woke up in a dark cell, chained to a hospital bed. He recognized the holding cell of one of Konoha's interrogation rooms. There was an Anbu standing near him, with his sword drawn and ready.

"Did I hurt anyone?" Kakashi asked.

The Anbu said nothing, but Kakashi hadn't expected him to. The Dog Anbu pushed a button and a nurse entered after a few minutes. "Hey, honey, I don't expect you'd let me loose, would you?" He gave her the full Hatake-masked-but-still-cute-as-hell smile.

He knew better, but he wanted to do something, and bothering nurses was fun.

"You know better, Hatake-san. Tsunade-sama left orders to be alerted as soon as you wake up. She'll be around as soon as she can."

When she came in, Sakura was with her, and it made Kakashi cringe to see that she had been crying because of him.

"Hey," she said awkwardly.

"I'm so sorry you got caught up in that," he said.

Tsunade stayed silent and watched the interaction.

"It's alright. No one was hurt and I know you'll be better after you get some medicine and treatment. I love you."

"I love you too, Sakura."

"Do you remember what happened?" Tsunade asked.

"I do, but it's like it happened to someone else. For some reason I thought Asuma was dead and Jiryiah was this monster about to attack the village. I feel ok now, though. What did you do?"

"There are chakra barriers in parts of your brain. They will stay until the anti-psychotics kick in, and then they'll dissolve."

"Anti-psychotics? Don't I have a say in this?" He didn't like other people making decisions for him.

"No," Tsunade said. "You don't. You're a finely tuned weapon, Kakashi. One that almost got turned against its wielder's today. If Jiryiah and I hadn't been there, you would have probably killed a lot of people. We need about 24 hours to make sure everything's going to work properly, and then we can unbind you and let you go home. Report to my office after that for reassignment.

"Reassignment?"

"You obviously can't take high-level missions anymore. Jounin is a lifetime title, but I'm going to find you something less stressful."

She finished explaining his treatment and left.

He was left with Sakura and the Anbu, who remained at attention. He obviously still considered Kakashi a threat.

"Sakura," Kakashi said. "You know I love you, right?"

"Yes, I know," she said.

"Then understand when I say you need to find a new place to live."

"You…you're breaking up with me? Why? What did I do?"

"What did you do? Are you crazy? You didn't do anything. If it had been you instead of Jiryiah in that room today, you wouldn't have been able to escape me. You'd be dead right now. We don't know what's going to happen."

"I see, so you're trying to spare me, is that it?" She crossed her arms and glared at him.

"Yes, I am. What's the problem with that?"

"You think you're really noble, don't you?" Sakura came closer to him. He could feel her anger.

"Um…what?"

"Sweet little Sakura needs to be protected from the big, bad wolf. I'll have you know, I thought this out before we started dating. I know you're bat-shit crazy. I just don't care."

"You could get hurt – or killed."

"I doubt it. When things got bad I went straight for help. That's the difference between you and Itachi and Orochimaru. They didn't have anyone they'd let help them, and you do. Use us as a lifeline if you need to, but don't you dare try to get rid of me out of some misplaced sense of honor. If I do get hurt or killed, it's my choices that lead to that, and I take that chance knowingly."

"You're a treasure, Sakura."

"So you keep telling me."

She smirked. "Sakura, that's an evil smile."

She kissed him just the way he liked until his body responded, needing her. She glanced at his erection and chuckled. "That's to remind you of why you need to get well and come home."

She turned toward the door. "This is what you get for annoying me," she said.

Kakashi realized what she was doing. "Hey, come back here! That's not funny Sakura. You can't start the motor and just leave the engine running. Sakura! Come on. The Anbu guy can turn around! Don't do this."

She peeked back in the door. "That's for treating me like a child. Bye bye sweetie, get well soon." She blew him a kiss and closed the door.

"Ahhh!" He yelled in frustration.

The Anbu snickered. "Oh shut up," Kakashi said.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 Missions and Misunderstandings

Ino stood outside Choji's apartment for a good five minutes before she convinced herself it was a good idea to knock.

Choji answered in a bathrobe. "Ino? It's two in the morning. What are you doing here?"

Her face fell. "Not that I'm complaining," Choji said quickly. "It's just unexpected."

"Choji, we need to talk."

His face lit up and he opened the door for her. He sat at the table and waited impatiently for what he was sure was about to be one of the best days in his life. Ino was finally going to tell him she wasn't going to take seduction missions anymore.

"Choji, I really love you."

It was the first time either of them had said it out loud. It was always there, from the first time he'd slid Ino the note saying, "I like you. Do you like me? Yes or no?"

She had circled "or". Shikamaru had said Ino was troublesome, but Choji knew the truth. Ino was wonderful.

"I've loved you since we met, Ino."

"I want to be with you. Can't we just ignore the missions? Last time we talked about it, we were discussing a hypothetical situation. We didn't even use the word love."

"Ino, I can't do it. I would do anything for love, but I can't do that."

Ino started to cry, and Choji felt horrible. "It's not my fault," she said. "I can't turn down a mission, and now that I have the training I'm going to be sent on them. I just don't understand why you hold something against me I have no power over."

"I don't hold it against you. What do you mean you can't turn down missions? You're not a Jounin."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Didn't you listen in class? Jounins can't turn down missions. Seduction missions are optional for everyone else. Tsunade knows that not every ninja has the mental capacity for missions like that. Didn't you know?"

Ino jumped to hug him, knocking over a chair and an ugly vase. "I'll talk to the mission co-coordinator tomorrow."

"You really didn't know? I just thought you must be ambitious and want to be a Jounin more than you wanted me."

"And you would still wait for me? You're not like other men, Choji."

"Of course I'd wait for you. Wait here, I have something for you." He went to his room and found the ring he'd bought for her.

"It's not much, but I've had it for a year now. I figured I'd give it to you when you were ready." He put the ring on her finger. It was a perfect fit.

"Will you marry me, Ino?" he asked.

She never really answered. She was too busy kissing him.

There was a place in Kakashi's mind reserved for the ghost of Obito. He went there occasionally – or was pulled there by Obito.

"_I really like her. She reminds me of Rin."_

Kakashi's Sharingan twitched and leaked a bit. _"Yeah, I know. I try not to think about that too much."_

_ "Why not?"_

_ "It makes me sad. Sakura is Sakura, not Rin. Rin is gone."_

_ "Do you miss us? It seems like you don't need me around anymore."_

_ "How can you ask that, Obito? Of course I miss you. Why do you think I'm at the memorial stone all the time?"_

_ "Because the grave keeper's hot?" _Obito snickered.

_ "Sometimes I forget you're permanently stuck in adolescence."_

_ "Yeah well, sometimes I forget you're permanently stuck in lameness, Kakashi."_

_ "I'm trying to be patient, but you're working my last nerve today. What do you want?"_

_ "Nothing. I'm just bored. You want to go do something?"_

_ "Sure. I don't have to be at the appointment till this afternoon. What were you thinking?"_

_ "Let's go to the Hokage tower and hang out in the Jounin Lounge."_

_ "What's exciting about that?"_

_ "I was thinking we could play, "Hid the Porn and See Who Finds it." I love that game."_

_ "Yeah, me too." _Kakashi snickered.

He heard Sakura's voice from a distance. "What's so funny?"

The room he shared with Obito faded. The spare black space with two chairs was a special place just for them, but he couldn't interact with Obito and the real world at the same time very well.

As the world came back into focus around him, he heard Obito's voice, fainter but still intelligible. "_I really like her."_

_ "I know, you said that already."_

"Where did you go just then?" Sakura asked.

"Noni?" I'm right here."

"Your eye went blank, and then you were laughing. Are you having problems again? The medicine's still working, right?

"I'm fine. I was just thinking."

"You were talking to Uchia Obito again, weren't you?"

_Snicker._

_ "Shut up Obito."_

"I should have stuck to dumb chicks. You're too observant for my taste some days."

"Don't be like that. What do you two talk about?"

"It's personal. He did say he likes you."

She smiled. "That's good, I guess. The ghost in your eye likes me."

"Don't patronize me, Sakura. I know you think he's a hallucination."

"I'm not sure what to make of this. You're usually so rational."

"I am being rational. Remember Elder Chio? When Gaara died, she said his spirit hadn't left, so she was able to pull it back to his body. This isn't that different. Obito just decided to inhabit his own eye instead of leave me. He was worried about me and Rin, so he decided to stick around."

"Ghosts move on, though."

_"Don't tell her why I can't move on. I don't want her to know I'm the black sheep of the family and no one's waiting for me."_

_ "Ok, calm down."_

"He's going to hang around until I die and we'll pass on together."

"That sounds almost realistic - if I believed in ghosts, but I don't."

"Well I guess it's a good thing he's just a hallucination then. Huh?"

_"Screw you, Kakashi."_

_ "You're not my type, Obito."_

"You're talking to him right now, aren't you," Sakura asked.

"Why would I do that? You're much sexier." He flashed her a smile and then remembered he still had the mask on. He crinkled his eye just a bit for effect.

"You keep getting that look." She looked worried. "He doesn't…watch us, does he?"

_Snicker._

_ "Seriously, shut up Obito. If you screw this up for me, I'll rub salt in the Sharingan."_

_ "Whatever, it's your eye too."_

_ "Try me, dead boy."_

_ "You have no sense of humor today. It's not like she can hear me."_

"If he's just a hallucination, that's not something you have to worry about, is it?" He hoped Obito didn't watch them. He really didn't know. It was a new and disturbing thought.

"I guess not, but it's a weird thought."

"Don't worry too much about it. I'm going to have to talk with the psych-nin about this and some other things later anyway."

"You made an appointment?"

"Don't sound so surprised, Sakura. I do occasionally take care of myself."

She crossed her arms and sat back in the chair with a smirk. "Tsunade-sama ordered you to do it, didn't she?"

"Aren't you late for work?" he asked.

"Fine, be grumpy," she said. "I'll see you later then."

She raised his headband to reveal the Sharingan.

"Sakura, don't do that. You're getting too used to the Sharingan. It is a weapon, after all."

She kissed a silver eyebrow over the red eye. "I just wanted to give the nice ghostie a kiss, since he likes me. Bye Kakashi. Bye Obito."

"You're about as funny as a foot wound sometimes, you know that?" he asked as he settled the headband back into place.

Obito howled with laughter in Kakashi's head.

_"Go on, get it out of your system," _Kakashi said.

_"She likes me better than you."_

_ "Yeah, I'm really jealous."_

_ "Don't be jealous, Kashi-kun, you can kiss me too." _He made kissing sounds and laughed loudly.

_"Obito, stop. Seriously, I have to live with you, and I'm going to have that mental image all day."_

_ "Tell the psych-nin about that. That'll mess with him."_

_ "No. And don't talk to me while I'm with the psych-nin. Apparently I get a weird look when we talk, and I want to get out of this without explaining myself for hours."_

Iruka won "Find the Porn", or lost depending on your point of view. He was furious.

"Who's is this?" He demanded of Anko and Kakashi, who were the only other two ninjas in the lounge.

"What is it?" Anko asked. "Kakashi, did you lose some porn?"

"Why are you looking at me?" Kakashi asked with feigned innocence. "You read porn too, Anko."

"I read Shinobi Illustrated, not – what is that – Naughty Ninja Midgets."

Iruka didn't notice Tsunade enter the room behind him. She snatched the magazine from his upraised hand.

"Iruka, I'm disappointed. You've been a Jounin less than two weeks and you're already letting these two corrupt you."

"Tsunade-sama, it's not mine," Iruka said.

"You sound like an academy student," Tsunade said. "You have to learn to accept personal responsibility for your actions. I'm really surprised about this, Iruka."

"But I didn't…I mean…" he turned red and looked at the carpet.

Tsunade left. Anko draped an arm over Iruka's shoulder. "It's ok. Sex is a natural part of life, even ninja midget sex."

Iruka turned and left quickly. "Nice," Anko said.

"Thank you. I try," Kakashi said.

Later that day he reported to the police headquarters for his exam. It said a great deal about Konoha's mindset that the psych-nins were considered police as well as doctors.

A young secretary greeted him. She was easy on the eyes, with a blonde ponytail and an overly friendly manner.

"Hatake-san. Yes, you had an appointment twenty minutes ago. Go right in. Dr. Ichi will see you now."

He didn't like Dr. Ichi as soon as he saw the thin, pale medic. He had an arrogant posture, and his eyes seemed judgmental. Kakashi thought Dr. Ichi had a very aggressive stance for a professional therapist.

"You're late," Dr. Ichi said. "You were instructed to be on time."

Kakashi sank into the overstuffed chair. "Sorry, a student asked me how to find the meaning of life, and I got distracted teaching philosophy."

"This meeting was directly ordered by the Hokage, and she had me rearrange all my previous appointments to make room for you. I have to move them all again now because you were late. This is hardly the way to begin a professional relationship."

"You're new here, aren't you?" Kakashi asked. He must be new, or he wouldn't have expected Kakashi to be on time.

"Yes, I'm new. You aren't new, though – not by a long shot."

He gestured to a massive pile of folders on his desk. "This is just your psych files. Your medical file takes up an entire filing cabinet. We have a lot to cover today."

Kakashi leaned forward. "You want to hear something really frightening? That's just the non-classified files. The classified files could fill four or five file cabinets."

"Let's get started. First, how about you take off that mask so we can speak face to face, without hiding?"

"No."

Dr. Ichi scribbled on his yellow pad. "Ok then, how about the headband? I feel like we're not going to get very far like this. Are you hiding from something?"

"No to the headband and no to the hiding. Did you even bother to read my file?"

"I did, and it suggests a tangle of neurosis. We're not here to get through those, though. Tsunade-sama just wants to know if you'd be safe to teach children."

"Your incompetence knows no bounds. She's not trying to make sure I'm safe to teach children, she already knows that or I wouldn't be here."

Dr. Ichi scribbled in his yellow pad again. "What makes you think that?"

"Because if she really feared for the safety of those kids, she wouldn't have asked me to be a sensei in the academy. What's really going on here?"

"Tsunade-sama wants to know how your treatments for the Jounin Psychosis Syndrome are progressing."

"I see," Kakashi said. "And you just assumed she was concerned for the children's safety. I'm disappointed. Ninja's shouldn't make assumptions. It's dangerous."

"And what do you think she wants, then?" Dr. Ichi asked.

"This is too easy," Kakashi thought.

"I'll tell you, but it's a secret."

He didn't miss the look on Dr. Ichi's face. He was excited to be a part of a conspiracy. "I can keep a confidence."

"I'm sure you can. The secret is…Tsunade-sama wants to make sure I'm sane because she has the hots for me. I've known it for years."

Dr. Ichi frowned. "That's not amusing, Hatake-san."

"See, you're doing this all wrong. You should have called me Kakashi, not Hatake-san. A good therapist would try to have a closer relationship with his patient. Also, your manner and body language are antagonistic. I've done this enough over the years to know when I'm in incompetent hands."

Dr. Ichi was obviously trying to control his temper. "Let's move on, shall we?"

He pulled out a stack of Rorschach cards. "What does this look like?"

It looked vaguely like a butterfly. "A kunai."

"And this?" It looked like two monkeys having sex. "Two kunais."

"And this?" It looked just like a sakura tree. "A tanto."

"And this one?" It looked like a book. "Your mom last night," Kakashi said, enjoying the situation.

Dr. Ichi snapped the book closed. "That's enough, Kakashi. If you're not going to work with me, my report won't be favorable."

"Ok, let's just get to the psych-exam then," Kakashi said. He had no intention of letting someone so incompetent in his head, but Dr. Ichi didn't know that.

"Have you done this before?"

"If you'd read my file, you'd know the answer to that question."

"Ok, lie down on the cot here, and relax." He stood and moved toward the cot.

"I'm fine here," Kakashi said.

"Are you sure? Sometimes this can be rough on the body."

Kakashi had to fight to keep from laughing. To enter his mind, Dr. Ichi's mind would have to be stronger than Kakashi's mind. He really doubted that, just based on what he'd seen so far.

"I think you'd better lay down on the cot, Dr. Ichi. If you try to go mind-diving, you're going to be in for a surprise. This has been done to me enough times my mind has a sort of callous. It takes a talented psych-nin to get in there."

He saw anger flash across the doctor's face, and knew his slight hadn't been missed.

"We'll see about that," Dr. Ichi said, and Kakashi felt him try to use the mind-invading jutsu.

He waited for a few minutes, watching Dr. Ichi. The doctor started to sweat and pant, and then he leaned over and vomited onto the floor. Kakashi had felt nothing more than a tickle in his mind. Dr. Ichi groaned and his eyes rolled back in his head. He slipped of the chair and landed on the floor in his own vomit.

Kakashi moved to the door. "We need a medic in here for Dr. Ichi," he said, and then watched as the on-duty medic rushed to help the doctor.

He walked down the familiar dungeon-like tunnels to Ibiki's offices. Part two of the psych exams were being held here. His bravado threatened to fade as he entered the rooms he hated so much.

The old turtle looked up from her work. "You're early!" she said.

"Dr. Ichi let me go early," Kakashi said. "I figured I'd get this over with."

He had to wait for Ibiki, which he didn't like, because it gave him too much time to think.

Ibiki came in with a notebook and a mischievous smile. Kakashi was nervous about that smile.

"So, you broke the new guy already? It usually takes you at least twice to send someone into chakra shock."

"He's not very good. You guys were scraping the bottom of the barrel there." He wanted to get through the light chatting part of this and get to the nasty stuff. He might as well get it done with. He noticed his hand was shaking, and he put it in his pocket. He wasn't fast enough, though.

"Nervous?" Ibiki asked. "You haven't been doing anything to be nervous about, have you Kakashi?"

Kakashi was nervous as hell. Outside these doors, Ibiki was a comrade and an occasional drinking buddy. Inside this prison, however, he was the Shinigami in human form.

"I'm a little nervous, yes. The last time didn't go so well, remember?"

"That was a fluke, Kakashi. There was a strong mental boundary involved. If you don't put up any resistance, you won't have much sickness to deal with when this is over. If you're innocent, you won't be harmed."

The unspoken threat hung in the air. Ibiki had never really been cleared of Ino's uncle's death.

"You think I did it, don't you? You really think I would hurt a child?" The words came out sounding angrier than was wise, but he couldn't believe Ibiki would think he would hurt Sakura.

"I think it would be unlike you, but I've seen more surprising things in peoples' heads. Lie back now, and try to relax."

Kakashi was feeling sour about the whole ordeal by now, and when Ibiki entered his mind, he felt a quick stabbing pain. It wasn't very bad, just Ibiki cutting through the natural resistance the mind has to an attack it knows is about to happen.

Ibiki wandered through his mind for what seemed like hours, then pulled away and blinked. He smiled. "I can honestly tell Tsunade-sama you're an honorable man. Congratulations on the new relationship. I hope it lasts."

"Thank you," Kakashi said. He didn't even feel the need to vomit this time. Ibiki had been really easy on him.

"Are you going to be able to leave soon? We're going to need this room in about 10 minutes for a prisoner interrogation. I can move you to the couch in my office if you can't travel just yet."

"I don't feel too bad – tired and shaky mostly." He tried to stand up, but his legs didn't want to cooperate.

"It's an invasive jutsu, so no matter how light I try to make it, it's always damaging to some extent. Come on," he said and lifted Kakashi easily, pulling one of Kakashi's arms over his shoulder.

He put his other arm around Kakashi's waist and hefted him up. He half-carried Kakashi to his office and dumped him on the couch. "You can stay here, but don't bother me too much. I have work to do."

It didn't confuse Kakashi when Ibiki made the change between frightening interrogator and friendly comrade. Ibiki had a highly developed sense of proportion about work versus personal matters.

"Thanks, Ibiki." He lay back, intending to rest for just a few minutes and head home.

He woke five hours later with Ibiki tapping him on the shoulder. "Hey, closing time. Last call. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here."

Did Ibiki just make a joke? he wondered. "Very funny, Ibiki," he said.

His legs supported him this time, but he had to stop a couple times on the way home to rest. He hated psych-nins.

Ibiki rarely had the chance to visit the Hokage tower. He had forgotten how grand it was. He noticed Tsunade seemed nervous about the interview with Kakashi. She had a personal stake in this. Sakura and Kakashi were both close to her.

"I can honestly say he had no romantic intentions toward the girl until the incident in Kabuto's lab. There are no problems with having him around children."

"I have a personal favor to ask," Tsunade said.

He was intrigued. She'd never asked him for any kind of favor.

"This is strictly off-the-record. Do you think he'll treat Sakura ok? I'm worried about those two. It's an unconventional relationship, at best."

"I'm slightly concerned about the possibility of physical abuse."

"You think he might hurt her?" Tsunade asked.

"Actually, I'm afraid she might hurt him. In his memories I saw her use physical force on Naruto quite often. She's not afraid to react with violence toward friends."

"Anything else?"

"He's extremely insecure about women. It could cause them problems. And he has the Jounin Crazies. If they can get through that, I think they have a fighting chance."

"That's good. Wait. You mean Kakashi is insecure about women? That's hard to believe."

"He overcompensates."

"Why? What does this have to do with Sakura?" Tsunade asked.

"It's a guy thing. I think he'll be ok with her, but he did some extreme things to prove to himself she's not just in it for the sex. He's neurotic as hell."

"All I know is they'd better treat each other well. If he does anything to Sakura, I'll punch him to Suna."

"I'd be more worried about Sakura beating you to it – no pun intended."

Sakura and Kakashi settled back into their routine. He wasn't happy about being taken off stressful missions, which meant interesting ones to him, but his new role as academy teacher kept him busy.

He wasn't sure how he felt about being a full-time sensei yet. He'd always had Jounin duties before, and now he wasn't used to the lack of constant vigilance he'd needed most of his life. The pills were working, but Obito's voice refused to leave him. He knew why, but no one else would believe Obito was anything other than a figment of his imagination.

A few months later Sakura met him at the door when he came home. She had a worried look.

"Kakashi, I have something to tell you. You might want to sit down for this one."

"Is something wrong?" he asked. Sakura had been acting weird lately. She'd been angry a lot, which wasn't like her. She was weepy too.

"You said you used a type of chakra control for birth control, right?"

"Yeah. I made it after a chick I was dating tried to poke a hole in the condoms we were using, why?"

"You've been careful?"

"I've been really careful. It's not 100% though. Is this going where I think it's going?"

She nodded. "Yes. You're going to be a dad."

The next thing he knew she was peering into his face from the floor, waving a fan over him and laughing.

"That's not quite the reaction I had in mind. Are you ok with this?"

Akiko's words flashed through his mind briefly. He had a brief fear that she might leave him once she had children, but he pushed those thoughts aside. He trusted Sakura.

"It's sudden, but yeah, I'm ok with it."

The pregnancy was routine, at least for Sakura. Tsunade knew better though. As she delivered the Hatake twins, she knew that this was the beginning of the next generation, one that was post-Orochimaru. Sakura and Kakashi had the first children after Kabuto's death, which meant that Orochimaru's influence wouldn't affect them. With these babies, Konoha could finally get past the rot that was Orochimaru.


	12. Chapter 12

AN: Yay, finished! This is my favorite fan fiction I've ever written, and I couldn't have done it without my reviewers. You guys keep me writing! Please stay tuned for more Naruto stories. The next one, _Take This Job and Shove It, _is Sakura centric, but of course it has a good dose of Kakashi and Ibiki. How could I not include my two favorite hot ninjas?

Epilogue – Several Years Later

Sakura dropped her bag on the table as she came through the door. "Hey, I'm home!"

There wasn't an answer. She felt a brief disappointment, but Kakashi wasn't expecting her home from the mission until tomorrow, so it wasn't his fault. She got a beer from the fridge and sat heavily on the couch. She hunted out the movie adaptation of Jiriah's latest book, "Icha-Icha Medic-Nin", popped open the beer and settled in for a relaxing afternoon. After she had gotten over being angry with Kakashi for telling Jiriah details about their sex life she'd actually felt a little flattered at how he had portrayed her in the book, as if she were some kind of sex goddess.

The door opened and Kakashi entered, loaded down with new books. "Hey! I wasn't expecting to see you here." He grinned, and dropped the books on the table. A few fell on the floor, but he was too interested in Sakura's return to notice.

He sat down on the couch and took a drink of her beer.

"I missed you," she said. "That was a really rough mission."

"Having you gone for two weeks was rough. Those little monsters at the academy kept asking me where the pink lady was. I kept telling them you were on a mission, but they didn't believe me."

"Well, you wanted to be head sensei. Dealing with little monsters is part of the job. Why would they ask that? Ninjas go on extended missions. They should know that."

"They just didn't believe someone so beautiful could be on a mission. They said fairy princesses don't go on missions, they go on extended vacations to Tingly-No-Jutsu Land."

She couldn't believe she had fallen for that. She groaned. "Kakashi, not now. I'm tired."

"Just a little chakra? I've really missed you."

"You missed my chakra." She was amused. Even years after they first made love he was obsessed with the things she could do with medical chakra.

"How could I not? It's the sexiest chakra in town."

"I'm not giving you a chakra job right now. My feet are killing me."

"I don't need your feet."

"You're like a kid with candy, you know that?"

"Sure, chakra candy. Hey, you knew I was a letch when we got together." He grinned widely.

"Later?" she said. "I haven't even had a chance to sit down yet."

He leaned over and nuzzled her cheek with his still masked face. He kissed her earlobe gently through his mask. "How about this? You give me the tingles, and I'll do that thing with the Sharingan you like so much."

"Race you to the bedroom," she said.

She kissed him and pushed healing chakra into his mouth through his lips. She directed it through his body to accumulate in her favorite part of him, which had been sadly neglected for two weeks. She made it rhymically ebb and flow until he groaned and laid back on the bed.

After a few minutes he sat up. "Ok, your turn," he said, and pulled off the mask and headband. After all these years, she still felt a hitch in her breath when she saw his uncovered face. Scared or not, she loved that face.

His smile made the scar around his mouth pucker a bit, and she traced it with her finger. The rigourous treatments she'd given him had reduced the other scars to discolorations with a few ridges and rough areas, but the one that ran around his mouth to his jaw had been too much for even her treatments, and had pulled his mouth a bit up and to the left, so that he always looked like he was smirking a bit. His scars were just a part of him to her, like the odd hair he still pretended he didn't dye, or the wonderful red eye.

The tomoes in his eye started to swirl, and they were in an entirely different world. He had made this place just for her. There was a log cabin overlooking a large tranquil lake. Ducks swam and dipped happily in the lake, and cicadas sounded in the distance. He had chosen a night with a full moon this time, and they watched the moon reflect on the water for a few minutes before making love on fragrant grass.

When they were finished he reluctantly pulled them back to reality. He would have loved to stay at their cabin in the woods longer, but it was a technique that put a huge drain on his chakra, so they could only enjoy the Sharingan on special occasions.

As they held each other he noticed the odd picture Sai had given them for a wedding present. It was a scarecrow resting under a cherry tree, and he had actually used color in it, which was a first for him.

He had just fallen asleep when he heard the front door bang loudly. "The twins are home," he groaned.

"Dad, Rin won't tell me where she hid my mask!"

"Mom, Obito said a bad word at lunch and Iruka sensei made him have detention!"

Sakura sighed. "Never a dull moment, huh?"

"Kids!" he yelled. "We're having mommy-daddy time. Go play at Oji-Naruto's for a bit, ok?"

He heard giggling from the other room, and then they left for Naruto's.

"Never a dull moment," he said, and kissed his wife. The mental stuff had been fun, but it was just the appetizer. He was looking forward to the full meal.

And They Lived Sharinganly Every After


End file.
